As they grow, our children know that they can act on the environment that surrounds them, and each time they arise around them more activities in which to test your intelligence, your memory, your skills, both personal and interpersonal... And based on all this little by little we are shaping the self-concept and self-esteem.
Now, how does the child know that he has done things well? Well, among other conditions, because we as parents and other significant people for him We make you see it that way, in addition to the results of your actions that provide you with feedback necessary.
Index
- Comments, attitudes and feelings
- Of success
- Interpret your successes and failures
- Comments from your teachers
- Relationships with other important people
Comments, attitudes and feelings.
The level of self-esteem of a person depends on the comments, attitudes and feelings that parents and close people transmit.
Parents play a fundamental role in the self-esteem of our children because we influence how they feel and relate to others. If we trust them, if we show them their progress, if we support them in difficulties, if we help them to iron out defects... then their self-esteem will be high and they will feel safe and confident.
Children's self-esteem is greatly affected by labels that on many occasions the adults themselves hung up on them. It is about the child labeled or pigeonholed in a defect or negative character trait: "he is lazy", "he is very messy", "he is a liar", "he is a contester", "he is very shy" etc.
It is very negative what can derive from all this for a child who is marked or defined with any of those labels. There is even talk of "self-fulfilling prophecy" to refer to this phenomenon: the same label makes the child behave according to the label we have attached to it.
The degree of self-esteem can be a determining factor for success or failure not only in school or work tasks but in fundamental aspects of our life.
Of success.
Our children need see for themselves that they are capable of doing certain things. They need to do them to practice and to learn with them. In this sense, they cannot be protected for fear that they will hurt themselves, fall or suffer from something or simply to prevent them from doing it wrong.
They will learn to do many activities if we allow it. But if they don't need to do it because we don't let them do it, they will never have a chance to see for themselves that they are capable of doing it or simply improve what they already do, even if do wrong. Many times we rush to judge beforehand the abilities of our children or our own.
We often hear the following comments:
- "That is very difficult for you, but I do it"
- "That, you better not try it, look what happened to you the other day"
- "Not to mention that the other day you left him a disgusting."
What do we get out of it? The main consequence is that we limit the possibilities to make mistakes and prevent us from acquiring skills. By telling them that they can't do it, that they won't do it right, that it's not even worth trying because we already anticipate that they will do wrong, we prevent them from developing in a certain facet and we meet again with the "prophecy self-fulfilling ".
If I think it will go wrong for me, if those around me believe it too, the most likely thing is that it will go wrong.
Interpret your successes and failures.
Imagine that we minimize the effort that our children are making to learn to write their name in correct form after a couple of trials, because we think they are obliged to do so or because it is what they should make. We are teaching them to make a misinterpretation of what they are capable of.
For ex. If the self-image problem that the child has is her poor school performance, we must highlight any school achievement even if it is below the average for her class.
Many of the activities that a child faces for the first time are very difficult, although they seem very easy to us, therefore we should not decorate with phrases like "come on, that's very easy, is that you don't try hard enough "or" it was very difficult and you can't "" you don't know, let me do".
We must suppress criticism for failure, go to the facts, not the personal disqualifications: "this is wrong, for this and for this", but never say: "you are lazy, you are ..."
We have to go further and try to make the child understand that there are simple things and complex things and that it will depend on each person to do it better or worse, on the effort that is invested to achieve it, on motivation. but above all it will be essential that you understand the idea that failures or mistakes are opportunities that arise To learn, the more mistakes, the greater the learning, because it will indicate that it will have been tried and practiced more times.
Corrections must be made based on small achievements: "this exercise is not correct, you must try to do it well, just like yesterday you did very well ..."
Comments from your teachers.
The first image that our children have of themselves is the one that we have provided them in the family environment. But little by little the circle is widening depending on the relationships that our children have with other people.
With the incorporation to the school, the teacher begins to take on a relevant role. This professional becomes an important reference point for our children and will collaborate with us in strengthening self-esteem.
The vision that the teacher has of them can help them reinforce the one they have already acquired and gradually transform it.
Relations with other important people.
Little by little, the companions will occupy a privileged place in the lives of our children. At first its influence is minimal, but as our children begin to compare themselves with others it will be greater (around 8 years). Then they will begin to value themselves not only for what they can do, but they will be able to see if they do it better or worse than others.
From grandparents, caregivers, relatives, friends of parents ...
They are also important reference points for our children and all of them can contribute to an adequate development or not of their self-esteem.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Determining factors of self-esteem, we recommend that you enter our category of Personal growth and self-help.
