Have you ever felt that you don't make yourself respect as much as you should? Many people are afraid to answer with the monosyllable "no" when asked for help, but the difficulty in answering negatively prevents us from having the kind of life we want because we end up having more obligations than we can attend. Remember that your number one priority should be paying attention to what you need and, if helping others is inconvenient right now, you have every right in the world to admit this reality.
In this PsychologyOnline article, we give you a series of guidelines so that you can learn to say no without feeling guilty thus.
Index
- The problem of not being very clear when we want to reject a request
- I will think about it
- Pay attention to how you feel when a favor is asked
- How to say "no" without feeling guilty
- Why should we learn to say "no"?
The problem of not being very clear when we want to reject a request.
If someone wants to talk to us on the phone but we don't really have free time and we know that the topic they want to talk about is not urgent, except that Let's be firm when we say that we don't have time, the other person will think that it is a specific case and will want us to call them the day or the week following.
A very practical way to prevent the other person from insisting is to say that we will take the initiative to contact him when we can do what he is asking us to do. We can respond with a simple "sorry, I am quite busy lately, but when I have time to accompany you I will let you know in advance." In this way we make it clear that we will be the ones who take the initiative when we have free time, and we will avoid the person asking us if we are available tomorrow or in two weeks.
We must also be very clear when we decline a request difficult to satisfy and they respond to us with a less difficult request. If we say that, unfortunately, we cannot lend 100 euros at the moment, we cannot fall into the temptation to answer yes when asked if we can at least lend 20 euros.
I will think about it.
You have no obligation to give an immediate response. If someone asks you to water her plants or pick up her children from school, and you immediately reply that you can give them a hand, then it will be much more difficult to back down if you realize that you really do not have enough time to help this person.
When they ask you for a favor, you can tell them that you will give an answer as soon as you are sure that you can really help him.
Pay attention to how you feel when a favor is asked.
If it's a simple favor that doesn't take long at all and that you would love to do (for example, stay with your neighbor's dog for the weekend... What better company than that?), you will know immediately that you want to help to the person. You will have the feeling that this favor he is asking you will not pose any difficulty and that, on the contrary, you would love to help.
On the other hand, if you have been asked for help with a university job and you know that it will take too long and that you prefer to dedicate the little time you have to your obligations, you'll know right away that you really don't want to help. You will feel stressed and ask yourself where you will find a hole in your schedule to help this person.
If you really can't (or don't want to) help, be firm when answering that at the moment it is not possible. Surely someone else can help you and that person may not be inconvenienced. You will have saved yourself additional stress in your life.
How to say "no" without feeling guilty.
Many people do not know how to respond negatively when asked for help because they do not want to spoil a friendship or fall ill. You can reject a request thanking the fact that they have counted on you for this project and offering an alternative way in which you can help.
Why should we learn to say "no"?
Don't be afraid to be selfish, and start thinking about yourself.
Value the time you spend exercising and cooking. Value the time you should dedicate to your work. Value your money, it is yours. Value the free time that corresponds to you and that you deserve. If you learn to respond negatively to a request, you save yourself stress and save time in your life.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to learn to say 'no' without feeling guilty, we recommend that you enter our category of Personal growth and self-help.
