When a person is facing a grieving process, either because they have suffered the loss of a loved one, because they have had a couple breakdown, due to suffering from a chronic disease, etc. You need some time to assimilate what happened and begin to recover. Complicated or pathological grief occurs when a person who has experienced a loss does not achieve over time (taking into account that a normal grief lasts 1 year approximately), assimilate this situation and continue to experience a series of emotions and feelings that generate a lot of discomfort, such as feelings of pain, emptiness and / or of confusion. But, how to know with certainty that we are talking about a pathological or complicated grief? What are the types of complicated grief that exist? And above all, how to overcome a pathological duel? In this Psychology-Online article, we are going to answer this series of questions to finally give you a series of tips that will help you to know how to overcome a pathological grief.
There are different types of pathological or complicated grief, these are classified into 4, which we will mention below:
- Chronic grief. A person is considered to be experiencing chronic grief when a year or more has passed and they feel that they have not made any progress in overcoming and / or assimilating the loss. He continues without accepting the pain and all those emotions that cause him discomfort when remembering the loss.
- Delayed duel. This type of grieving process pathological appears when the person who has experienced the loss has not really experienced the sensations and emotions that he must have felt at the time or at least he did not with his true intensity. After a while, in the face of some unpleasant event, (such as experiencing another loss, finding out about some news related to the loss, etc.) the person experiences the symptoms of grief intensely and the wound that was not yet healed.
- Exaggerated grief. The person who is experiencing this type of pathological grief feels totally overwhelmed by the pain that the loss has caused him and what she does is try to avoid it as much as she can. Some avoidance behaviors that you can carry out are consuming alcohol or drugs excessively, working excessively, among others. All this causes him more and more pain and he can even develop other types of disorders, the most common being anxiety or depression.
- Masked duel. The person is not aware that the loss he experienced has not been overcome, so he begins to to experience a series of physical symptoms or to carry out behaviors that generate difficulties and that previously did not. You may, for example, experience physical symptoms such as nervous tics, headaches and / or muscle aches, symptoms similar to those your loved one suffered before dying, etc. You can also begin to develop some disorders such as anxiety, depressive, eating, among others.
To find out if a person has gone from being going through a normal grief to a pathological one, we can based on the time you have been going through this process (although there is no exact scale that calculate how long the duel lasts), as well as the symptoms it presents, taking into account that approximately one year is considered a normal time. Some of the most common symptoms of pathological grief are the following:
- Lack of acceptance of the situation.
- Feeling of emotional void since he feels that being without that person life has no meaning
- Distrust of other people
- Intense feelings of anger and bitterness
- Thinking too much about the person who has left, to the point of not being able to focus on all or most of your daily activities.
- Feeling out of place or alone despite being accompanied
- Wanting to avoid people or places that are related to the person who has left
- Feeling the need to touch, smell, see and / or hold things all the time of the loved one who has passed away or has left.
- It is impossible to talk about the loved one who has passed away since that causes the person a intense pain
When we have detected that our grieving process has become pathological or chronic and we do not know what we can do to improve this situation we are going through, it is necessary to know that, depending on the case and your situation individual, go to a professional It is the most recommended since it will be of great help. Especially to prevent you from starting to develop other types of disorders such as depression or anxiety, among others. Here are a series of tips that will be of great help to you to get ahead in this situation.
1. Psychotherapy
It is essential that if you find yourself in a situation where you feel that you cannot move forward on your own and every time you feel worse or you would simply like to receive help from a professional, you go with a psychologist. The psychologist through psychoeducation will explain in detail what grief consists of, he will help you to connect with those feelings and thoughts that cause you so much discomfort so that you can experience them and be aware of they. It will also help you to accept death as part of life and not as punishment or something extremely negative and that you can move forward despite it. So your perception of the loss will totally change and you will be able to live it in a less harmful way for you.
2. Have a social support network
You need to have the support from people close to you like your family and friends. Do not isolate yourself since it is important to be by their side in good times but especially in your moments of sadness or when you need to be cared for and listened to.
3. Accept your feelings
Not all people experience the same feelings and emotions in situations. The worst thing we can do is judge ourselves and reject what we are feeling, don't worry If what you feel is sadness, anger, anger, the important thing is that you accept what you are feeling and leave it to be.
4. Express your feelings
Do not repress what you feel, try to externalize it and not stay with that as it will be counterproductive so that you can keep moving forward. It is recommended that if you feel like crying, you do it, speak or express yourself as you feel better. If you have problems expressing your feelings, it is very useful to write a diary where you go expressing your thoughts and emotions.
5. Watch your health
Worry about yourself and your health. Don't be emotionally careless but not physically either, and do things to help you stay healthy. For example, eat a proper diet, exercise, get medical check-ups, etc. This is important to take into account since the intense pain that loss causes us on many occasions makes us forget about aspects as important as these.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
