Some people live feeling that they don't matter to anyone. It is a very painful experience that generates great discomfort in his life. These people wonder why this is happening and what they could do to be just one more. They do not become aware of the complex psychological defense process that goes into causing this situation.
Why do I feel like nobody cares about me and what to do about it? In the following Psychology-Online article we are going to expose in detail the process that occurs in people who feel that they do not matter to anyone, what is the cause of this process and how can intervene to correct this situation.
People who have the feeling that no one cares about them experience this situation with great anguish. They have thoughts like "I'm alone and nobody cares about me" or "my boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't care about me." But, in reality, is this feeling a totally unjustified subjective perception of these people or is there an objective reality that supports this belief? And if so, why is it that nobody cares or cares about them?
Although the perception of that reality is something totally subjective that arises from a belief internalized by the affected person, it is no less true that in most cases the objective reality corresponds to the perception of this person for two reasons:
- The environment I neglect. Because the family environment, indeed, has neglected the care of this person during his childhood for various reasons (illness of the caregiver or the child; mistreatment; inability to properly care for other children, for lack of parenting skills, etc.).
- The person walks away. Because the very belief of these people of not caring anyone, provokes in them attitudes and behaviors that lead them to, finally, cause people to not take them into account.
The reason why it happens that these people are not really cared for is due to the "self-fulfilling prophecy", a phenomenon that we will explain in the next section.
For what reasons do I feel like nobody cares about me? The main reason why a person has internalized the belief that nobody cares for him it is due to some primary fact of childhood:
- Some traumatic event strong.
- Experiences of stress or inattention from pregnancy to the first year of life.
- Negligence.
- Abuse
This fact, which is usually accompanied in parallel by a improper care not aware by the parents or the persistence of abuse, causes in these people a feeling of rejection towards themselves, by internalizing as their own the idea that they have received from their caregivers based on the treatment they have been offered: I do not deserve, I am not worth, that's why they reject me.
Due to this experience, the idea of personal non-worth is established in his unconscious that he will establish in his internal a kind of filter that will lead them to process external and internal information based on that erroneous belief.
What Defense mechanismNot being able to make this rejection of themselves their own, they project it onto others, causing what in psychology is called the "self-fulfilling prophecy" whose operation we will explain below.
The self-fulfilling prophecy
To project Their rejection of others means that they are convinced that other people will reject them. This leads them to act in an elusive, avoidant and fearful way. It is precisely, their own behavior, which manifests itself at the verbal level (not very communicative, anxious, weak tone of voice, etc.) and especially at the non-verbal level (stooped posture, gaze avoidance, reluctance to contact, body contraction, etc.) which ultimately causes people to stay away or move away after the first close up. This general reaction in their social relationships, confirms your initial belief that nobody cares about them because, in reality, they are not worth it. Is about people with very low self-esteem that depend in an inordinate way on external valuation.
As we have seen, feeling that nobody cares about you comes from a belief and experiences that can be worked on. The steps to take in therapy To put an end to this situation and, with it, eliminate the emotional discomfort that this belief generates in the affected people are the following:
- The first step to take is become aware that part of that reality is being generated by himself with his own attitude and behavior and to understand that this form of Acting is determined by a defense mechanism created in childhood to protect oneself from the pain experienced before a certain situation.
- From there, it will be important for the person to carry out a process of personal inquiry to remember at what moment / s and what fact / s led to the assumption of belief of "I am not worth, I do not matter to anyone".
- This biographical review will lead us to re-live this experience, make it conscious, feel the pain that it generated us and accept it as the reality that could be at that particular moment.
- After acceptance, it is important work compassion and forgiveness towards the people who caused this pain, realizing that they did what they were capable of doing at that moment in their lives. We can communicate to the patient that anyone, always, would offer perfect love, care and attention if they were free of their own emotional deficiencies. Sometimes the forgiveness process it is very hard and painful and cannot be given. However, the important thing is that the person is able to understand the reality that led to their parents or caregivers to act in that way could not be otherwise but not that he did not cause that situation.
- At this point in the process, the patient will work on the developing your true potential. Making him aware of that new image of himself, much more real and in line with his true abilities, will give him back the strength to resume your life in a much more positive, healthy and respectful way with yourself and with your environment.
This process of re-encounter with your true self will allow you to live from the acceptance of yourself. In this way, they will be able to express themselves assertively, which will facilitate their social interaction processes. The old false belief that nobody cares will totally lose its meaning and force.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
