Domestic violence: mistreatment of women and children

  • Jul 26, 2021
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Domestic violence: mistreatment of women and children

Let's define the domestic violence like that violence that takes place inside to the family, whether the aggressor shares or has shared the same address, and that includes, among others, rape, physical, psychological and sexual abuse. We understand that domestic violence is a model of learned, coercive behaviors that involve physical abuse or the threat of physical abuse. It can also include repeated psychological abuse, sexual assault, progressive social isolation, punishment, intimidation, and / or financial coercion.

There are authors who point out that this type of aggression occurs basically due to three factors; one of them is the lack of impulse control, affective deficiency and the inability to solve problems adequately; and also in some people, variables of alcohol and drug abuse could appear. If you want to know more about domestic violence, mistreatment of women and children, we recommend you read this article on Psychology-Online.

You may also like: Consequences of child psychological abuse

Index

  1. What is domestic violence?
  2. Domestic abuse: the beaten boy and girl
  3. Codependency in Gender Violence
  4. The cycle of Gender Violence
  5. Personality of the abuser
  6. How to recognize domestic violence
  7. Manifestations of psychological violence
  8. Why does the woman remain in this abusive relationship?
  9. Causes of domestic gender violence
  10. What about victims of domestic violence?

What is domestic violence?

Intra-family abuse is defined as a set of acts that threaten the physical, psychological, social and / or economic integrity of a member of the family. Typically, the victims of domestic violence are children and women.

We all know that it is always sad and painful to drag life when love was not received, especially from parents during childhood. Anyone who has studied the human being a little will tell you that the first five years of life leave an indelible mark for life, for better or for worse.

Therefore, depriving a child of love is like depriving a tree that is beginning to grow of fertilizer, but hitting it is like putting poison on it, it will finish it off. kill psychologically and emotionally, or better he will grow up mortally wounded. But there are blows and blows, some blows draw blood or leave bruises, even a bad blow can cause death, but there are others more subtle that are not seen, but that are burned not only in mind but in the identity of that child or that little girl. They are recorded in his "I", and the fruits of these emotional blows are to be seen later in his relationships with significant people and in his relationship with the world.

Domestic abuse: the beaten boy and girl.

It is important to talk a little more in detail about these blows, which only see or hear them those who give them, even if they do not think about the future and terrible consequences that they will bring in their children.

It is clear that when the physical blows are repeated, but especially the psychological or emotional ones, love is exhausted. We adults know how silence hurts, perhaps more than offensive words. That silence is the worst of punishments, now imagine a child who has done nothing and is not spoken to, and is not hugged and caressed, how her identity is being shaped... let's think about that.

Have you thought about the harm you do to your children, possibly many times without realizing it, when instead of interact with their young children are obsessively preoccupied with work, cleaning, etc. perfectionist the house? They are slow blows that are defectively forming the sculpture of your child.

Silence and absence, when the child is reproached for small mistakes but you close your heart and your mouth when he does something well. For example, when the child started kindergarten and made a drawing, which could be four crossed lines, but for him it was a work of art, instead of hugging or praising him, you kept silence. With this, it occurs in the son that he learns to see only the mistakes, but not the good that there is in her people.

Consequences of domestic violence on children

All these emotional and psychological bumps They do so much damage in childhood because the boy or girl does not know how to defend themselves; your mind is only slowly beginning to develop certain defense mechanisms to be able to filter and analyze what you see and hear. His mind is like a sponge: he receives everything. It has no capacity to say this is true or not true, what they say is fair or unfair. That is why the messages-blows are like gigantic waves that reach uncontrollably to the depths of that defenseless being. But how different is the childhood and the future of their children when they feel the love between their father and mother, when they see that their mother receives with a kiss, a hug to the father who comes home from work, or when the father comes with a bouquet of flowers for his wife or kisses his wife. They are details that are etched in the souls of children, that are shaping their personality, that are filling that tank-heart with love. Believe me, that will be the best inheritance you can leave your children.

Domestic violence: mistreatment of women and children - Domestic abuse: the beaten boy and girl

Codependency in Gender Violence.

In all families there is some dysfunction to a greater or lesser degree. Often the codependent people have been subjected to some kind of physical or verbal abuse, or suffered the abandonment of one of their parents or both, either physically or emotionally.

The causes of codependency

The codependent seeks relief in some addiction to "anesthetize" before his pain. Sometimes he does it through dysfunctional and often damaging personal relationships; or through addictions to money, sex, anger, drugs, drinking, etc. The codependent is tied to what happened in his family of origin and feels internally tortured by it, although most of the time he does not realize what is happening to him.

We each have a innate need to receive love. We can call this need "the tank of love". When the boy is born, that tank is empty. If parents are emotionally healthy people whose love tanks are full, they can fill their children's tanks and they will grow and develop psychologically healthy. However, if one or both parents did not have their own tank full, the child most likely did not receive enough love because his father or mother did not have it to give it. This lack of love leaves scars on the souls of children that lead to certain dysfunctional behaviors in adulthood, such as codependency. The codependent cannot give what he did not receive, therefore, codependency becomes a vicious circle that continues from generation to generation if psychological help is not sought.

The children from dysfunctional families they grew up without having heard important messages from their parents such as; "you are very smart", "You are doing a good job"or"Thank you my love, I really appreciate your help"Because of this, as they grow up, they feel abandoned, have low self-esteem and seek the approval of other people to feel better about themselves. Sometimes their hunger for love and approval is so great as they reach adolescence or adulthood that They are willing to put up with anything, as long as they receive even if they are only "crumbs" of love attention.

Domestic violence: mistreatment of women and children - Codependency in Gender Violence

The cycle of Gender Violence.

At the beginning of most relationships, it is very difficult for the gender violence. During this period it shows a positive behavior. Each member of the couple shows the best side of themselves. The possibility that the couple will break up is very high if an episode of violence occurs. Next, we will show Leonor Walker's theoretical approach to the cycle of gender violence.

Phase 1. Voltage build-up

The dynamics of Intrafamily violence exists as a cycle, which goes through three phases:

  • As the relationship continues, the demand increases as well as the stress.
  • There is an increase in aggressive behavior, more usually towards objects than towards the partner. For example, slamming doors, throwing objects, breaking things.
  • Violent behavior is reinforced by stress relief after violence.
  • Violence moves from things to the partner and there may be an increase in verbal abuse and physical abuse.
  • The couple tries to modify their behavior in order to avoid violence. For example: keep the house cleaner and cleaner, the children more silent, etc.
  • Physical and verbal abuse continues.
  • The woman begins to feel responsible for the abuse.
  • The violent man becomes obsessively jealous and tries to control everything he can: the woman's time and behavior (how she dresses, where she goes, who she is with, etc.).
  • The violent person tries to isolate the victim from her family and friends. You can tell him, for example, that if you love each other, you don't need anyone else, or that the outsiders are made of wood, or that they fill your head, or that they are crazy, etc.

This phase differs depending on the case. The duration can be weeks, days, months or years. Its shortening with time.

Phase 2. Acute episode of violence (explosion)

  • The need to discharge the accumulated tensions appears.
  • The abuser makes a choice about his violence. Decide time and place for the episode, make a conscious choice about which part of the body to hit and how to do it.
  • As a result of the episode, tension and stress disappear in the abuser. If there is police intervention, he is calm and relaxed, while the woman appears confused and hysterical due to the violence suffered.

Phase 3. Stage of calm, repentance or honeymoon

  • It is characterized by a period of calm, non-violent and shows of love and affection.
  • In this phase, it may happen that the batterer takes responsibility for the acute episode, giving the couple hope for some change in the situation in the future. They act like nothing happened, promise to seek help, promise not to do it again, etc.
  • If there is no intervention and the relationship continues, there is a strong possibility that the violence will escalate and become more severe.
  • Unless the batterer is helped to learn proper stress management methods, this stage will only last a while and the self-feeding cycle will begin again.

After a while it goes back to the first phase and everything starts again.

The aggressor man does not heal by himself, he must have a treatment. If the wife stays with him, the cycle will start over and over again, with more and more violence.

Domestic violence: mistreatment of women and children - The cycle of Gender Violence

Personality of the abuser.

The aggressors usually come from violent homes, they usually suffer psychological disorders and many of them use alcohol and drugs, which increases their aggressiveness. They have a certain profile of immaturity, affective dependence, insecurity, emotionally unstable, impatient and impulsive.

The aggressors habitually transfer the aggression that they have accumulated in other areas towards their women.

Abuser, he is often an isolated person, he does not have close friends, jealous (jealousy), low self-esteem that causes frustration and due to that he is generated in attitudes of violence.

An investigation by American psychologists, Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Neil Jacobson. They point out that abusive men fall into two categories: pit bulls and cobra, with their own personal characteristics:

Pitbull:

  • He is only violent with the people he loves
  • Jealous and afraid of abandonment
  • It deprives a couple of their independence
  • Soon you pray, monitor and publicly attack your own partner
  • Your body reacts violently during an argument
  • Has potential for rehabilitation
  • He has not been charged with any crime
  • Possibly he had an abusive father.

Cobra:

  • Aggressive with everyone
  • Prone to threatening with a knife
  • Calms internally as aggressive
  • Difficult to treat in psychological therapy
  • You are emotionally dependent on another person, but you insist that his partner do what he wants.
  • He may have been charged with a crime
  • Abuses alcohol and drugs.

The pit bull spies on his wife, he is cellopathic, everyone likes him, except his girlfriends or wives. The cobra is a sociopath, cold, calculating, can be warm. The abuse does not stop on its own.

After the woman has been physically abused and is afraid, sometimes this type of abuse stops and replaces it with a constant psychological abuse, through which he lets his victim know that the physical abuse could continue at any time.

Sometimes the violence of the abuser hides the fear or insecurity that he felt as a child when faced with an abusive parent who he hit frequently, as an adult he prefers to adopt the personality of the abusive father to feel weak and afraid. In other cases, offensive behaviors are the consequence of an overly permissive childhood during which the parents indulged the child in everything. This leads the child to believe himself superior when he becomes an adult and to think that he is above the law. In other words, you can do what you want and abuse whoever you want. He thinks that he deserves special treatment, better than that given to others.

How to recognize domestic violence.

Domestic violence or domestic abuse is not always easy to define or recognize. In general terms, we could designate it as the deliberate use of force to control or manipulate the partner or the closest environment.

Its about psychological, sexual or physical abuse habitual. It happens between affectively related people, such as husband and wife or adults against minors who live in the same home.

Domestic violence is not just physical abuse, beatings, or injuries. Psychological and sexual violence are even more terrible because of the trauma they cause, than physical violence, which everyone can see. There is violence when the emotional or spiritual integrity of a person is attacked.

The psychological violence it is more difficult to detect. Those who have suffered physical violence have visible traces and can get help more easily. However, it is more difficult for the victim who bears psychological scars to verify this. It is also made difficult, for example, by the manipulative ability of her husband who presents her wife as exaggerated in her complaints or simply as crazy.

Physical violence is sometimes preceded by years of psychological violence. Psychological violence is despising the woman, insulting her in such a way that there comes a time when that psychologically abused woman already believes that those blows are deserved. And how difficult it is to convince a woman to go for help when she thinks she doesn't need it.

There are women who are ashamed of what happens to them and who even believe they deserve the abuse. That is why they prefer to keep them a secret and so that situation can go on for years. Those who mistreat their victims do so according to a pattern of psychological abuse.

As in the case of the alcoholic, the one who beats a woman or abuses her psychologically or sexually, the first thing he will do is deny it. Denial is to say: "No, it is that I hit him with reason." There is no reason to hit a woman, or anyone. But they deny it. They say: "I didn't hit her, I didn't do anything to her, just touch her."

Another form of psychological abuse is isolation, in which they make a void to the woman, neither speak to her, nor look at her and then she starts believing that she deserves that treatment.

The intimidation it is also an abuse. "If you say something I'll kill you." Many women do not dare to speak, because of the threats that their husbands or their partners make against them. Both the drug addict and the abuser always make excuses and blame someone.

Also within that habit of psychological abuse is the economic abuse. "If you say something I will not give you the monthly payment." Within this psychological abuse of beating husbands (what is called triangulation in psychology), there is another type of abuse: use the children to make wives feel guilty. In this case the children serve as messengers: "tell your mother that ..." Threats through the children, the threats that the child will be taken away, all of these are psychological abuses that precede the abuse physical.

All these abuses prevent women from leaving home, that violent home. It is that the psychological violence to which many women are subjected is more horrifying than physical abuse. Ask any woman who has been physically abused what hurts the most; if the hurtful words, the slights or the blows. The blows are passed, the psychological abuse, the insults, the scorn pierce the heart.

Domestic violence: mistreatment of women and children - How to recognize domestic violence

Manifestations of psychological violence.

One of the most subtle and at the same time common forms of intra-family violence is violence or psychological abuse, it can appear in the following ways:

  • Verbal abuse: Lower, insult, ridicule, humiliate, use mind games and ironies to confuse, etc.
  • Intimidation: Scare with looks, gestures or screams. Throwing objects or destroying property.
  • Threats: Of hurting, killing, committing suicide, taking the children.
  • Economic abuse: Abusive control of finances, monetary rewards or penalties, preventing you from working even if it is necessary to support the family, etc.
  • Sexual abuse: Imposition of the use of contraceptives, pressure to abort, sexual contempt, imposition of sexual relations against one's will or contrary to nature.
  • Isolation: Abusive control of the life of the other, by monitoring their actions and movements, listening to their conversations, preventing them from cultivating friendships, etc.
  • Contempt: Treat the other as inferior, make important decisions without consulting the other.

Why does the woman remain in this abusive relationship?

The abused person becomes codependent on her husband (the aggressor), even after being hit. It is common to hear this phrase: "I love him so much." People who have endured blows for years say: "I do not separate because I want it." It is impossible to love a person who is treating you as if you were an animal, that is depending on that person.

Another reason why some women do not separate themselves from this problem of codependency is that they are encouraged by the family and unfortunately by the Church, to remain with the abuser. Above all, the family advises them to maintain that relationship for "the good of your children." "How are you going to leave your children without a father?"

Which is better, to have a father who beats her mother and then beats her children, or to have no father? Children are hurt much more when they see their father hitting their mother. For young children, the mother is the basis of their whole life, the basis of her affection, the basis of her security. If a mother is beaten, their children break down emotionally. It is much better to separate.

Sometimes women do not separate and suffer in silence for fear of losing their financial security and that of their children. This happens especially in women who have no education.

Other times they do not separate due to threats of further violence or death, if they try to separate. "If you say something to the police I'll kill you."

When some women are asked why they endured abuse for years, the most common response is this: "For my children; I didn't want them to grow up without a father. " It seems like a valid answer, but if we analyze it deeply we discover its inconsistency. It happens that in a situation of violence the children also suffer. Growing up in an atmosphere of fear, tension, and terror will negatively influence your emotional development and more. late will manifest itself in school dropout, drug use, psychological disorders and violence and delinquency.

In many cases the economic factor influences. They bear whatever humiliation comes as long as they do not lose financial security for themselves and their children. These are generally women with little academic preparation, aware that without the husband they would not be able to live comfortably.

Domestic violence and gender violence

The worst thing is that the woman repeatedly abused it is psychologically destroyed. Her me, her individual identity. That makes her unable to make the right decisions. She falls into actual ambivalence ("How good is he when he doesn't hit me!"); her self-esteem is on the ground until she believes herself that she deserves such insults and blows.

When a person falls to that level, her decision-making capacity is practically nullified, because the vital principle is mortally wounded. If a person so crushed is threatened with a "If you report me, I'll kill you", she will feel paralyzed. Perhaps in a last attempt to survive she will react to her, but using the same weapons that have destroyed her. Love should not hurt. Love implies trust, protection, respect for the tastes of the other, communication, caresses, aids to emotional and spiritual growth. It consists of sharing life with joy, discussing differences and preferences, and respecting the physical, moral and spiritual integrity of the loved one.

Women who endure an abusive relationship indefinitely end up losing their physical health and mind, they get sick, the whole family ends up sick. Women in abusive situations lose their self-esteem. They do not know how to protect themselves, nor do they realize the danger they are running.

Domestic violence: mistreatment of women and children - Why do women remain in this mistreatment relationship?

Causes of domestic gender violence.

First there is a historical cultural root (related to the patriarchal system). For a long time our society has been very macho, man has believed that he has the right primary to control, to discipline severely, even to abuse the lives of women and children. This has happened under the guise of the economic role of man, provider of food. This role has been maintained in our society, which is why, today, women continue to be victims of abuse, rape, earn less, receive harassment at work ...

Another cause is current culture. People are pulling their hair out. Why is this happening? The present model of our society is reinforcing the use of force to solve problems. That is why the abuser uses physical force, to maintain power and control over the woman, because he has learned that the violence is effective to obtain that end of control and since they have not suffered the consequences, women have reserved.

Domestic violence occurs at all levels of society, not just in poor families. In rich families it is the same. What happens is that a woman who was beaten, if she has money, goes quietly to a private clinic and nothing has happened here. Those who are poor have to go to the hospital and there the doctors say: "This woman has been beaten" and the police take care of that.

Among whites, blacks, yellows, Catholics, Jews, Protestants, and Evangelicals; among all, there is domestic violence. But not because they are Protestant or Catholic, but because they are not as they should be.

Another cause of this problem is media. On television, violence is glorified, the stereotypes presented to us are of sexual violence. When a husband forcibly has sex with his wife, this is called sexual violence, because the woman also has the right to say no. If a woman, as I hear every day, is insulted, harassed, said atrocious, not spoken to and only used to have sex with her; How will you want to be with your husband? You have the right to say no, all the right in the world.

In many cases, domestic violence is also closely related to alcohol and drugs. What happens when a person uses drugs or gets drunk? In this part of the brain we have the vital centers, common with animals and there is the center of aggressiveness or aggressive instinct. All men and women have it. But in the normal person, these centers communicate with the conscious part of man, which differentiates man from animal.

When one drinks alcohol or uses any drug, these centers are like a ship without a rudder. And what happens to a boat without a rudder? Well, it crashes against the rocks. Above all the aggressiveness, the sexual instinct, remain uncontrolled. Then comes the beating of the woman and the children under the influence of alcohol and the abuse of the woman sexually. 50% of the cases (that are known) of sexual abuse between children, is between alcoholics or addicts, because the animal that is inside us arises, in Spain.

The memories, the values, the advice, when one uses or abuses alcohol or drugs, do not work and domestic violence comes.

Despite the so-called "women's liberation" (which has actually led women to greater slavery many times), still there are men who consider wife and children as objects of their property. That is why they believe they have the right to unload their frustration or bad mood on them by mistreating them at will.

Since children imitate parents, it is often the case that those who in childhood witnessed physical abuse between their parents, they repeat the same behavior when they reach the adult state. They learned that problems and conflicts are faced with brute force.

This negative learning becomes so ingrained that it is often passed from generation to generation. If to this is added the "glorification" of violence in the media, we can understand why many human beings resort to violence, sometimes with a coldness that is more frightening than the violent act itself.

Experience teaches that many of the family abusers look like "dead flies"; They pass for polite and gentle people, but deep down they are jealous individuals with a poor self-image and living in an unreal world. If these people take a few too many drinks, which is frequent, the violent explosion will be much greater.

Domestic violence: mistreatment of women and children - Causes of domestic gender violence

What about victims of domestic violence?

Many continue to suffer until they are completely destroyed physically, psychologically and morally. Others accuse their attackers to the police, who often do not take proper action on the matter. And it also happens what we would not want to happen: The victim also becomes violent.

We understand that people who suffer from endemic hunger rise up and even take up arms. Why don't we understand that a woman who is trampled on, mocked, degraded in her innermost being can explode and become violent? That, though not justified, explained.

If you think that someone in your environment may be suffering domestic violence (or yourself), it is of vital importance go to social services and seek support in your closest circle outside of abuse. If you need more advice, you can refer to the following article on the Destructive Relationships: Symptoms and Tips for Getting Out of Them.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Domestic violence: mistreatment of women and children, we recommend that you enter our category of Family problems.

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