Manipulation is the action of manipulating, it comes from the Latin "manipulus", from "manus" which means hand, and from "pelere" which means to fill. Formerly, the verb manipulate was designated to a handful of things that can be taken with the hand. For what manipulating, etymologically, was everything that is susceptible to be handled manually, fixed, modified or altered, by hands interested in obtaining some benefit.
Currently the term manipulate is also used for when someone - be it family, partner, friends, politics, etc. - tries to influence a person's thinking or decisions. Manipulation is distinguished from persuasion, since the person exercising it has not convinced the other person but has deceived them. In this Psychology-Online article we want to explain how to open the eyes of a manipulated person with 15 keys.
When a person is being a victim of manipulation, we can observe that one of the most obvious things that happens is a change of actitud general by this. Probably due to the pressure exerted by the manipulator. You see that the person
You detect that every time you see each other and he is not with that person look at the mobile and write to him. The feeling is that they have changed the person you knew, it's like they went to bed and woke up another person who does not fit in with the one you got along so well. In addition, you realize how difficult it is for him to do everything that previously motivated him so much, he has changed his habits and adopted those of the other person. When you ask him why these changes, his answers are usually either avoiding the question not to answer or things like "I have never really liked it that much and now I have realized it."
It is often difficult to know how someone being manipulated might feelSince from the outside it seems that so much has changed, and partly because this person has wanted to, that it can generate confusing feelings about how it should feel.
That is one of the great dilemmas of manipulation, the extent to which the manipulated person is aware of deception and what degree of responsibility can be imputed to him. Due to this dilemma, many of the people around the manipulated person do not show support either, largely partly because they do not know how to do it and another because the person is not very aware of the spiral in which he has entered.
Suffering manipulation can generate feelings of loneliness. Firstly because the person experiences changes in their day to day, which although they seem freely chosen have been taxes in the form of deception by the other person and that can generate a dissonance between how he really thinks, feels and he acts but does not dare to confront and ends up complying. Second, loneliness is given because their environment does not understand the changes either and one party may think that it is something that has been voluntary and that the person has decided on their own, so it leads to a distancing Social.
The person who enters this circle of manipulation will see her self-esteem diminish because little by little it loses its essence and becoming the person the other person wants you to be.
It should be noted that on many occasions this domination of the manipulative person is subtle and it is being done gradually In various stages, the goal is to break down the other person's defenses. For this, a lot is played with the role of emotions and the idea of romantic love. In this way, it will be very difficult for the manipulated person to distinguish when the relationship is exceeding the limit of what has been agreed as acceptable.
Next we will see how to help and how to open the eyes of a manipulated person:
1. Respect
As mentioned above, for the other people who have experienced the manipulation from an observer position, in many Sometimes it may be difficult for them to understand how that person could have fallen into the deception and it has cost them so much or it is difficult for them to get out of this. Each person has a time of acceptance of situations and circumstances and we must respect it, as long as his life is not threatened. We must be there to help you in the process of opening your eyes but respecting her times, since if We put too much pressure on the person and he or she is not prepared to explain everything that happened, it can be closed in band.
2. To support
It is one of the most important points that we can offer to a person who has been submerged in a manipulative relationship. During every relationship, the support you have received has not been a real support but the result of deception. We must make that person perceive that we are there for anything and that you can count on us for whatever. Phrases such as: "You know that I am here for what you need, even if now you feel that you cannot tell me what is happening to you," or "Whatever you need, can help." passing by, you know you can tell me, I'm here and I'm not going to move ”,“ Lately I see you differently and this fact worries me, if you need anything, do not hesitate to ask me help".
3. Not judge
It may be that it has changed in that time, due to the manipulation situation that it has lived, perhaps he has put you aside a little more and you have felt that he has not taken you into account or valued as he should. It is important to understand that in a manipulative situation the person is not himself 100%, as it is being controlled by someone else. Try not to blame certain things that can make the person feel guilty and make him close down with himself.
4. Do not press
The handling relationship, on various occasions, is already a constant pressure. It is important that from the outside we try not to put more pressure on the person than they may already be or have been pressured. Let's give time to time for the person to open their eyes or start their life anew. As long as we are not afraid for the person's life and this person is not at high risk of danger.
5. Assess
Explain everything you like about that person, that you see in them. The first step sometimes to value yourself, and more later in a manipulative relationship, is that you see that other people see qualities in you. This fact can also serve as a confrontation to see that the person who has or has had by her side has not done it and as a consequence the person has also stopped doing it.
6. To empower
Just as valuing the other person can be one of the factors that can help the person who is being manipulated, empower them as well. It is about that you, as an observer and as a person who has known the other for some time, explain all that it is capable of doing on its own, because you have seen it and because you trust that person.
7. Help express
The manipulative relationship has most likely made the person feel that her opinion, her feelings, their emotions are less than those of other people, and that they have constantly been despised. It is very important that with you he is able to express what he really feels and wants. At first it may be difficult due to the dynamics in which the person has been immersed, even so it is important to try to make the person express what they want, even in very banal things.
8. Take decisions
Probably one of the things that the manipulative relationship has caused in the other person is insecurity when making decisions, since all the previous ones were highly conditioned by the person who was manipulating. It is important to try as much as possible and when such a situation is detected, that during the time or in the case that he has left the relationship, try to get the person to start making decisions and see what it is she who has the reins of her life.
9. Help set limits
Perhaps one of the things that could cause the manipulated person to have such an effect on that person is the difficulty in setting boundaries in the relationship. Help the person with your relationship - you are his / her friend, his / her family member, his / her co-worker - to dare to set a limit. Be able to say noOn many occasions, the best limit that exists, expressing what one feels can also serve to reach agreements in relationships, negotiate, etc.
10. Set objectives
Manipulative relationships, on many occasions, make the person lose many of the goals they had or believe new, since most are based on what the other person wants. Help the person discover what they want and what purposes does it have from now on.
11. Hear
It is important that, if we want to help someone, we actively listen to that person. One of the most important points of active listening is not judging the person next to you and respecting their emotions and feelings. To use active listening, it is important to have time to spend with the other person and show interest. Active listening also involves paying attention to body language or non-verbal language; the look, if it smiles or smiles at us, facial signs when pronouncing certain words, it is about observing the corporal expression.
12. Psychoeducate
Sometimes in any conversation we can use it to explain what manipulation involves -Having previously informed- to help open the eyes of a person who is in that type of relationship. On the other hand, if the person has already realized that the relationship is not doing him any good, explain the consequences that may have gone through such a relationship, sometimes calms the anxiety that the person may introduce. Here you can see the consequences of a toxic relationship.
13. Remember
Perhaps the person has abandoned old hobbies, no longer does many of the things that used to fill them and has even changed their way of dressing, as noted above. It can be helpful to bring up things you shared before your current relationship with that woman. manipulative person and that you had enjoyed together or topics that I spoke to you before and commented on and now no longer. The moment he mentions that he no longer likes all that, you can try to inquire assertively, if he really does not like it or has given up for someone else.
14. Validate
It is important that we validate what the person tells us they feel or help the person express what they feel through validation and empathy.
- For example: "I understand, then, after everything you have told me, that you must have felt very lonely in this situation, I am very sorry that you've been through this. " Or: “If what you are telling me had happened to me, I don't really know what I would have done but I think I would feel very hurt. How do you feel?".
15. To ask
In the event that the person sees that they do not open, we can try to ask how they feel or if they are okay in the relationship, all of this always in a assertive and trying that the person does not feel judged.
16. To confront
Sometimes, people cling to things that are harmful to us without really knowing why, in the case that you see the person who is suffering, but does not want to abandon what hurts him, we can use the confrontation. eye! The confrontation is not saying "you are in a very harmful relationship", but rather assertively indicating something that may have an impact on the person that makes you reflect, which does not mean making a decision.
- Example: "I understand that you cannot come to my birthday, another year it will be! Even so, we had a dinner for the whole group of friends the other day and you didn't come either. Obviously, nothing happens, but it gives me the feeling that since you are with X person, you don't come with us much anymore. Can we do something about it? Is there anything we have done that could have made you feel bad? The truth is that I am very sorry that you are no longer as before, I miss you.
