Forgiving oneself supposes a process of introspection through which we become aware of our actions, of the consequences and pain generated, we ask for forgiveness and assume the necessary change in behavior so as not to repeat the situation. Sometimes some people are unable to forgive themselves, which detracts from their daily functioning and can negatively impact their mental health in the long run.
In the following Psychology-Online article we will expose the reasons why these people cannot forgive themselves themselves, the importance of getting through this process positively and we will share some tips for to get it. We'll see now how to forgive yourself.
Forgiving oneself supposes a process through which we manage to accept the responsibility of having harmed a person, we express our discomfort for this reason, we carry out reparative behaviors to correct or not repeat the created situation and thus reach a higher level of consciousness moral.
However, there are times when a person is unable to forgive himself. This can be due to different reasons:
- The error committed has caused (or has not prevented) a situation of rupture or loss in a specific situation of his life: emotional breakdown, friendship breakdown, death of a person, ending an event, etc.
- The ego of the person is very punitive and does not allow him to make mistakes, punishing him for each one of them committed. In this article we explain what is the ego and how does it work.
- External agents They continually remind us of our responsibility for the mistake we made: for example, when a family member, friend or acquaintance constantly blames us for what happened.
In all these cases, the person is unable to start the process of self-forgiveness, which causes great psychological damage through guilt and shame.
When we make a mistake, it is essential to forgive ourselves in order to move on with our lives in a positive and healthy way. Forgiving yourself does not mean ignoring the mistake or forgetting. For self-forgiveness to be genuine, it is necessary to take responsibility for what happened and undertake a process of introspection that leads us to amend the error through reparative behaviors (external or internal) which will suppose the necessary previous step to forgive us themselves.
The ability or not to forgive oneself is usually conditioned by certain aspects of the personality:
- People who are capable of forgiving themselves are people who have and maintain a high level of self-esteem, satisfaction with life and psychological well-being; They are pro-social people, kind and with great facility to forgive others.
- People who do not allow themselves to forgive themselves tend to have low levels of self-esteem, high levels of guilt, anxiety and depression, and low personal satisfaction with life.
According to him Buddhism, forgive others for the pain they have caused us and ask forgiveness for our hurtful acts constitute as necessary and essential acts to clean our negative part and, with it, go getting closer to our true nature essential.
Louise hay, for his part, speaks to us in the following terms regarding self-forgiveness:
(...) I forgive myself for having carried that burden for so long, for not knowing how to love myself or others. (...) I continue with my work of cleaning the negative parts of my mind and giving way to love (...).
In this way, it shows how important it is to apologize for our mistakes and, at the same time, forgive ourselves in order to move on loving ourselves and others.
How to forgive me? Using the following tips. In this section we will talk about techniques to forgive yourself, forgiveness therapy and how to forgive yourself for acts such as infidelity. Among the different techniques or ways to forgive yourself are the following:
1. Analyze the causes
For example, analyze what led him to maintain this infidelity (dissatisfaction with his partner, revenge, impulsive and thoughtless behavior, etc.).
2. Be aware of the needs
What did we want with that action? What are we looking for? Behind every action there is a need to cover. Inquire and become aware of what you are needing.
3. Connect with emotions
Reflect on how we have felt when committing that act. In the case of infidelity, reflect on what this experience has meant to you and how you want to act when respect (it has been something specific and temporary, it commits you affectively beyond the physical relationship, etc.)
4. Take responsibility for the acts
Do not look for excuses or hide. Being responsible for your own actions makes you brave. Recognizing it is the first step to accepting it and being able to change it. I feel essential steps on the path of forgiving myself.
5. Assuming the consequences
At this point, it is important to accept and respect the consequences of our actions. In the case of infidelity, for example: the pain generated to our partner and the decision they have made, the breakup of the couple or estrangement, etc.
6. Identify impediments
Make a list of the things that keep me from forgiving myself versus those that I can do to forgive me, a very visible and practical way to undertake those actions that will favor the process of forgiveness.
7. To meditate
Meditate or visualize ourselves asking forgiveness It will help the injured person to feel the pain caused by causing this pain and will relieve us of guilt. Here you can see others benefits of meditation.
8. Visualize
Meditate or visualize the blame discharge parasitic, which makes us feel bad but prevents us from acting to compensate for the mistake. This will allow us to take responsibility for what happened and have the necessary force to repair the damage caused. In this article we explain the visualization technique.
9. Ask for forgiveness
As a last step, it will be necessary to apologize for the mistake made, forgive ourselves for it and correct the mistake in a respectful and conscientious way in the direction we have chosen.
With the example of infidelity, in the event that we decide to start a new relationship with the other person, the matter will be discussed in a cordial and affective way. If you continue to love this person, you will act accordingly to re-establish balance and well-being in the relationship. If this possibility does not exist, this situation will end, accepting the pain that it entails but moving on with life itself.
10. Make up for
Direct our actions to correct our misconduct, which will make it easier to forgive ourselves for our willingness to change.
11. Hoponopono
A philosophy of Polynesian origin that aims to resolve conflicts and heal spiritually through forgiveness and love. Forgiveness is achieved through confession, compensation, repentance, and sincere understanding.
12. Forgiveness therapy
Forgiveness therapy is a psychological discipline through which work is carried out with the affected people to either come to forgive the person who has hurt us or to ask for forgiveness and free ourselves from guilt for the mistake task. The steps that are taken in this second case are:
- Recognize the damage we cause with our actions
- Feel the pain that we cause with it
- Analyze our behavior and what led us to it
- Look for response alternatives so that it does not happen again
- Apologize to the injured person / s
- Resititute the damage caused with our behavior change
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
