All of us at some point have responded by putting ourselves on the defensive in a given situation. True suffering begins when this internal tension becomes chronic. Being in a defensive position already says it all by itself. It means you have a vision of a world map in which you must protect yourself from others.
However, it is exhausting to live relationships from this perspective, simply because the dialogue does not flow when you analyze reality from the filter of mistrust. When you are at this point, you get used to observing possible second interpretations in the intentions of others. In this Psychology-Online article we are going to answer your question about "Why am I always on the defensive?" so you can know the answer.
Now that you know why you are always on the defensive, here we are going to give you some tips to avoid this situation. They are as follows:
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Correct your own insecurity. That is, the cause of this discomfort is not external, but internal. If you were really sure of yourself, you wouldn't give as much importance to other people's opinion. And most importantly, you would use other arguments to express your judgment in these situations.
- Breath deeply, count to five and try to observe the situation from a distance to respond to the conversation with a greater perspective. It is very possible that, after having acted under the impulse of emotion, you regret having acted in this way and do not feel good about yourself. Therefore, observe how being on the defensive produces consequences that negatively affect you and your well-being. From the observation of these episodes, try to correct the dynamics of this sequence that you already know by heart.
- Act with maturity in the face of life. Stop blaming others for your own frustrations. Or stop avoiding your own responsibility when you constantly look for excuses through the psychological game “yes, but”. That is, he who is on the defensive always finds a "but" that limits him. For example, when a person complains about a certain situation in his life, and his interlocutor offers him possible solutions or alternatives, he will respond with messages that you follow the scheme "yes... but" in a clear example that, in reality, he is not going to do anything more than put excuses.
- Take that weight off your shoulders because you don't have the need to constantly defend yourself. Simply face personal relationships, resolve conflicts from the perspective of opportunity, and remember that there is no single way to interpret reality. You don't need to show that you are always right.
Those people who find themselves in this situation live their lives immersed in a constant struggle. But that is exhausting. Trust that people express themselves from the good intention, although sometimes, they can hurt your sensitivity. However, when you get defensive, you close doors instead of opening them.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
