EMOTIONAL SELF-CONTROL: 10 Exercises and Techniques with Examples

Sometimes, when we feel overwhelmed by our emotions, they dominate us and make us act in a very different way than we would in the case of being serene. In Psychology-Online we want to help you avoid situations like this, and that is why we explain what is emotional self-control and how can you improve it.

Index

1. What is emotional self-control
2. How to have emotional self-control
3. How to improve emotional self-control
4. Emotional self-control techniques
5. Emotional self-control exercises

The emotional self-control is the ability to manage emotions that we feel so that they do not take over us and, consequently, our behavior.

It is generally thought that emotions are innate impulses and therefore uncontrollable. However, one of the areas of emotional intelligence is precisely emotional self-control, that is, you can work and therefore control the proper expression of emotions.

Emotional self-control does not only contemplate negative emotions such as anger or sadness, but also includes an appropriate expression of any negative or positive emotion that, if left unchecked, can cause us to act in a harmful or unimportant way beneficial. For example, joy is a desirable and positive emotion, but there are circumstances in which it is not advisable to express it openly out of respect or politeness.

To have emotional self-control it is essential:

1. Know the emotions. We cannot control something that we do not know, therefore the first step to have emotional self-control is to know the emotions and how they manifest in us. The basic emotions they are so called precisely because they are universal. In general they are easy to recognize and common in different cultures. But it is possible for each person to experience them in a unique way, perceiving signals or sensations that are particular to each individual.
2. Identify emotions. Knowing your emotions is not the same as identifying them. Knowing how to identify emotions when they appear is necessary to be able to manage them. When something seems unfair or frustrates us, anger is common. Then, and it depends on the person, we will notice how our heart rate accelerates or we will feel hot for example. Those sensations that emotion causes us will help us to identify it.
3. Finding out what causes the emotion we want to control. Albert ellis He worked on the premise that emotions that negatively affect us occur because we have a wrong belief system about ourselves, about others, and about the world. In his theory, he explains how an event (A) activates our thoughts or beliefs (B) which are what cause our emotions (C).
4. Change thoughts or beliefs. As Ellis proposes, by identifying those wrong thoughts or beliefs and changing them for more real and adaptive ones, we can control our emotions.

To improve emotional self-control we must increase our emotional intelligence. As we have seen in the previous section, it is necessary to know and identify emotions in order to control them.

Meditation in general is beneficial for improving emotional self-control. The mindfulness It is a therapy that consists of training the attention to be aware of what is happening in us and feel it fully. It is a highly recommended practice in managing emotions because it allows consciously experience them and that helps us to accept and identify them.

The change in our belief system and the modification of limiting thoughts proposed by the TREC (rational emotional behavioral therapy), is the one that has the best long-term results in the management of emotions.

And finally, learn to accept that there are things that we cannot change will make them affect us to a lesser extent.

The most used techniques for emotional self-control are the following:

1. Relaxation techniques

Emotions activate our body. That is why relaxation is a technique widely used in emotional self-control. The progressive muscle relaxation It can be very effective if there is a previous training that allows it to be done in a few seconds. Here's how to do it:

• Dominant hand and forearm: Make a fist and squeeze it hard as if you were going to punch.
• Dominant biceps: leaving the hand relaxed, try to touch the shoulder with the wrist, or squeeze the biceps as if you wanted to get muscle.
• Non-dominant hand and forearm: Make a fist and squeeze it hard as if you were going to punch.
• Non-dominant biceps: leaving the hand relaxed, try to touch the shoulder with the wrist, or squeeze the biceps as if you wanted to get muscle.
• Forehead: raise the eyebrows as if wrinkling the forehead
• Eyelids: close your eyes by squeezing it
• Nose and upper cheeks: wrinkle the nose as if making a disgusted face.
• Jaw, lower cheeks and tongue: clench your teeth tensing your entire mouth and press your tongue against the roof of the mouth.
• Neck and throat: try to touch the chest with the chin. Push the backrest with your head.
• Shoulders and upper back: stretch your shoulders back and then forward as if they wanted to touch.
• Chest: take a deep breath and hold your breath for a few seconds…. Now let it out forcefully.
• Abdomen: Shrink or squeeze your stomach as if you were going to receive a punch.
• Lower back: arch your back as if you wanted to pull out your abdomen.
• Dominant leg: stomp on the floor. Lying down: stretch your legs and feet.
• Non-dominant leg: stomp on the ground. Lying down: stretch your legs and feet.

Once the above is mastered, we begin to relax larger areas and so on until we can relax our entire body in a few seconds.

Relaxation is very indicated when the emotion to be controlled is very activating, such as anxiety.

2. Self-instructions

Self-instructions are positive affirmations that we use to guide us when faced with a difficult situation. The technique requires making your own list of affirmations before facing the problematic situation. They should always be written in positive, be achievable and not too long.

Examples of self-instructions would be: "I can control the emotions I am feeling", "I respond in a rational and non-emotional way", "I choose how what happens affects me" ...

In the following article you can see more about the Meichenbaum Self-Instruction Training.

3. Empathy

This time we will use empathy to see the situation from the perspective of the person to whom we associate the emotion. The technique consists, as its name indicates in put yourself in the other person's shoes. When we begin to notice the emotion, in a similar way as we will do with the thought stop, we will transform ourselves into the other person as if we were actors. We will then try to take into account everything related to him or her in order to understand her behavior.

Let's see an example: your friend Sandra is always late. Today you are meeting for dinner and you have been waiting at the restaurant for 15 minutes. You think people are watching you and that bothers you. You start to feel heat and tension. Then you try to use empathy and you put yourself in Sandra's shoes. You then realize that you leave work late and that can influence your tardiness. You know their family and you know that they tend to entertain them and that can also play a role. Also, you know that it is difficult to park near the restaurant and that is also something to keep in mind. Your activation is decreasing and you smile again thinking about the good time that you are going to have.

4. Thought stop

This technique consists of stopping the thoughts that are causing the emotion just when we notice that it begins to appear. We can use the word "stop", "stop", "enough", or something similar. It can be said out loud or we can say it to ourselves without having to pronounce it. With a little training it can be very effective. It is a technique widely used in psychology for recurring thoughts associated with some disorders.

Let's see an example with a positive emotion: imagine that you are in an opposition exam that you have been waiting all year. The classroom is packed and not a sound is heard. All your classmates are focused on their exam and that funny thing that happened to you in the morning comes to mind. The thoughts about what happened are appearing one after another and it begins to be difficult for you to hold the laugh... stop! You stop the thoughts and come back to reality. Once the emotion is controlled, you continue with your exam as before.

Here are two exercises to practice emotional self-control:

1. Emotional diary

Record your emotions in an emotional journal. As strange as it may seem to spend time at the end of the day to write down the emotions we have felt and what caused them It will be of great help to us in its control. Let's say that we will become experts in our emotions, how they affect us according to what happens to us and how we usually react to certain circumstances. For example:

• Today I felt frustrated when I couldn't find parking when I got home and that also made me answer my son badly when he was telling me how his day had gone.
• In the morning at the office I felt very embarrassed when my boss told me that my report had errors. Feeling this way has made it difficult for me to focus on work for the rest of the day.

2. Full attention

Gather thoughts that arouse a specific emotion in you and try to hold it for a while without judging it, just feel it. This exercise takes some power away from negative emotions. While there are some that are not pleasant, consciously experiencing them for a while makes you see that it really cannot hurt you as much as you thought. For this exercise you can also use a book, a movie or music that evoke the chosen emotion.

For examplePut on that movie that you haven't seen again because you couldn't stop crying. Immerse yourself in the story and let the sadness invade you to consciously experience it.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Emotional self-control: exercises, techniques and examples, we recommend that you enter our category of Emotions.

• Buela-Casal, G. Sierra, J. C. (2009). Psychological evaluation and treatment manual. Madrid: New Library.
• Ellis, A. (2007). Control her anger before she controls you. Barcelona: Paidós.