When someone says that a person is selfish, we do not hesitate to think that it is something negative, it means that that person pays too much attention to their own wants, needs and well-being while not taking into account the the rest. Selfish behaviors are described as immoral, a good person thinks of others first. According to some experts, selfish behavior is not only immoral but also negative for the well-being, according to the Chinese proverb “if you want to be happy in your life, help someone".
However, in the self-help literature they raise another opinion about thinking about oneself first, introducing self-care that refers to the importance of prioritizing one's physical health and psychological well-being through good eating, exercise, sleep, relaxation and activity habits of leisure. In this Psychology-Online article, we explain the positive and negative selfishness: definition and examples.
Negative selfishness would be one that is bad for both the selfish person and the exploited victim. It is a one-sided transaction in which the selfish person tries to get something that he wants from another person. In this sense we might think that it is good for the selfish person because he gets what he wants, but this Nor is it because there may be long-term negative consequences that outweigh temporary gains as well. for the
Acting in this way can have very negative consequences in the long term. If someone takes advantage of other people, it is likely that in the future they will not help or voluntarily collaborate with him. They may even seek revenge at some point. Also, someone who gains a reputation for emotional manipulator it can be avoided or pushed aside by others and end up alone. Staying isolated is not good because we all need a support network made up of people who love and respect us.
Positive selfishness is one that benefits both the selfish person and other people. In this case, selfishness is a two-sided transaction, an exchange in which two people voluntarily part with something to obtain something else that they value. Since both people win something they want, it can be called a win-win transaction.
But bilateral transactions involve much more than economic exchanges of objects and services. For example, every time we do something with another person or other people because we enjoy doing it together and not so much alone, it is also a two-sided transaction.
Negative selfishness
- Some examples of negative selfishness would be theft, fraud or the use of violence to take from others what they want, among others. Emotional manipulation would be another example, the selfish person pressures another to do something that the other do not want to make you feel guilty if you do not do it through threats, isolation or any other shape. In this way, the selfish person gets what he wants.
Positive selfishness
- The clearest example of a two-sided transaction is a simple exchange. I give someone something they really like and they give me something that I value, it can be from music, movies, clothes, etc. In this way we both feel that we are winning in the exchange.
- Watching a movie with a friend, where looks, laughter, conversations are exchanged... Going to concerts, sporting events, to the beach ...
These are examples of positive selfishness as long as all the people involved in those plans get something of value to them in that activity, in this way they are good interactions for all parties.
"If we don't care about ourselves first, we won't be well enough to help and care for others."
Neutral egoism would be one that includes self-care without directly involving other people. It would go along the lines of what is stated by the self-help literature: “How can I help others if I don't take care of my own physical or mental health first?”
Taking care of ourselves is part of the practices of preventive psychology, neutral selfishness puts us in a better position to do things that can help others. So these acts of self-care could be neutral selfish acts because they don't help or hurt others right away. The time I use for self-care I cannot use to help other people, but at the same time it also allows me to be in a better position to help others at other times.
An example would be any self-care behavior: comb your hair, brush your teeth, etc. It can also be going for a run alone, yoga... It is any activity that favors the well-being of the person.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
