Some people doubt whether it is good to take revenge on someone. A person has hurt them and a part of them has considered the possibility of revenge. But, after that first defense response, they have evaluated whether it is really going to be worth it to adopt this vindictive behavior on the aggressor.
From Psychology-Online we have prepared an article to help you answer if it is good to take revenge on someone and talk about this matter: what is revenge, if it is useful, what are its consequences and about the importance of learning to forgive.
The revenge constitutes a series of attitudes and behaviors carried out by one person or group with the intention of harming another person or group perceived as responsible for the discomfortr lived by a third person or, on many occasions, oneself.
The vindictive person has held someone responsible for some situation and, regardless of the certainty of this, has decided to harm this person by the consequences of their actions. This vindictive attitude arises in people who act easily through resentment and the accumulation of this leads them to act in this way or they are people who have been greatly harmed (directly or indirectly) with the consequences generated by that situation.
To consider whether revenge is useful or not, we are going to consider several premises:
- The human being is good by nature and, when he acts through malicious behavior, it is because he is hurt and, therefore, acts in a way irrational and irresponsible.
- Some psychological or spiritual disciplines claim that the consequences of your behaviors return yourself like a boomerang.
- Inasmuch as man is good by nature, causing evil in others goes against our nature and, therefore, ends up hurting ourselves as well.
- If we adopt an empathic attitude, we can perceive the consequences of our vindictive behavior, which it will generate great pain in one or more people. In reality, the same pain that we have experienced.
- Revenge can cause a chain effect propagation of the vengeful or hurtful attitude: we take revenge on those who have hurt us and They can take revenge on us or, simply, unload their pain and discomfort on third parties innocent.
There are two false irrational beliefs regarding revenge:
- It serves to make the person responsible for the pain aware of their actions. While this may occur, he is a harmful method to promote this awareness
- Inwardly, the vengeful individual feels that, in this way, he will heal the wound (his own or those of loved ones) but this is not true, since revenge is a cruel act that in no way allows true inner comfort.
If we consider these premises, it is obviously not useful to take revenge. In reality, revenge multiplies our pain instead of easing it. He multiplies it in other people and, of course, also in ourselves. Vengeful attitudes will not allow us to live in peace.
From what has been said so far, we can foresee that the consequences of revenge are, rather, negative and undesirable. In reality, there is no positive consequence resulting from this action. Not even the apparent calm that the so-called "sweet revenge" brings is recommended, since bases personal well-being on the discomfort of others, confusing the concept of revenge with that of Justice. Some of the negative consequences of acting vindictively are:
- We hurt to one or more person intentionally.
- We can start a chain of negative events, aggressive and destructive: it is possible that the person who is the victim of our revenge discomfort again in another situation or person, spreading and increasing negative situations and discomfort.
- The personal satisfaction that "sweet revenge" brings it's superficial and it does not bring real peace of mind.
- In cases where the initial victim is not ourselves, it is possible that this revenge bring more pain than well-being to that person.
- We can really feel afflicted after having issued the vengeful conduct.
- This behavior, in reality, does not restore the original situation nor does it provide any alternative solution to the problem caused.
Learning to forgive is a great act that presupposes a great humility, compassion and benevolence towards the aggressor. It is a difficult action that does not occur immediately but requires a prior cognitive and affective elaboration process. This process occurs through the transit between the following phases:
- Analyze and acknowledge the damage suffered, accepting and experiencing our pain.
- Assess the real advantages of forgiveness over other forms of response to pain, including revenge: real consolation, inner peace, helping the aggressor to become immediately aware of his mistake, etc.
- Forgiving the person who has caused the pain, either directly or through a visualization that has the same positive effects on the victim and the aggressor.
The word "revenge", as such, sounds very strong and we usually associate it with malicious, serious and strong acts that a person emits on another that has caused him a grievance. However, if we look more closely, many of our seemingly "harmless" everyday acts turn out to be vengeful and, therefore, hurtful and generators of all the negative consequences that we have previously named: do not look at face; not speak; speak contemptuously; provoke a conflict situation by proposing a sensitive issue for the person who has offended us; leave the place where this person is; etc. They are vindictive acts based on the resentment felt before the pain suffered.
Our society feeds mistrust, revenge, resentment, etc. in different ways. through movies, TV shows, etc. Forgiveness, for this very reason, is a great feat. It involves transcending all these messages received daily and, protected by a great inner strength, choosing the response of forgiveness. The consequences of acting in this way are totally fruitful for the person himself, for the aggressor and for his environments as an example of behaviors that, contrary to the destruction that revenge generates, creates and builds new roads. In this article we give 18 tips to learn to forgive.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
