Why is it hard for me to make friends

There are objectives that when we set them depend mainly on us. However, there are other goals that are more complex because they involve a degree of reciprocity. This is the case, for example, with friendship. The desire to have friends and meet new people is very common in people of different ages. For this same reason, when someone feels a limit around this matter, they wonder what the reason may be for not being able to establish new friendships.

Why am I having trouble making friends? At Psychology-Online, we answer this question and we encourage you to enjoy this goal as a process and not as an end in itself.

Index

1. Not having friends: causes according to psychology
2. Real friends there are few
3. How to make real new friends

There are different reasons why you may find yourself in this situation:

1. Little social life

When the personal routine of a human being is reduced to the predictable framework of going from work to home, then, it is difficult meet interesting people because when this is your situation you do not give yourself the opportunity to go outside your area of comfort. It is true that there are currently very practical pages to meet new friends online. However, even in that case it is important to dedicate time and assess the possibility of finalizing a face-to-face plan at some point. If this is the cause you're having a hard time making new friends, then make some

2. Age

When a person recalls her life story in relation to friendship he can observe how the stages of College, institute and university are defined by greater flexibility to invest time in the friendship. However, the jump to adulthood is conditioned by incompatible schedules. After 30 you may need to give yourself more time to meet new people and consolidate new ones. relationships since at this time you do not meet as many new people as in the first year of career, for example.

3. Shyness

Each person must know himself to make new friends. Shy people must respect their own pace to make new relationships without comparing themselves to the abilities of someone who positions themselves as the leader of the group. As a consequence of the extreme shyness in adults, it may take longer for the person to show themselves to others. Therefore, if the time conditions are not met to coincide with that group on more occasions, it is possible that these ties will not evolve beyond companionship.

4. Selfishness

One form of selfishness visible in friendship is time. Those people who they don't spend time On a regular basis to a bond, people who appear and disappear without giving further explanations, then, have difficulties to build stable bonds because this attitude alienates others. It can also happen that if other people invite you to plans but you always reject them by making excuses and justifications, then, there will come a time when they stop counting on you because they do not notice interest in your part.

5. Relationship

Some people live a love in which practically all their free time revolves around that relationship. Thus, when it is emotional dependence on the partner does not leave space for friendship it is very difficult for the person to build new interpersonal encounters with interesting people. This fact is visible when the breakup occurs and, then, the affected person suffers from not having a partner and, also, from the lack of friends.

And yet, beyond the limits that we can all experience in this personal desire to meet new people and make friends, in reality, when the word friendship represents your deep and true meaningSo, you can understand that really, making friends is something that costs because a bond does not grow and evolve in one day. The concept of friendship has been somewhat distorted when used quantitatively when describing the number of friends that accompanies a profile on a social network.

However, friendship marked by qualitative difference, one that is born from conversations, sincerity, coexistence and complicity from day to day, is a friendship that arises in a way gradual. Otherwise, you run the risk of identifying as friends people with whom you have a companion bond or acquaintances with whom you have some kind of affinity. Those relationships, over time, may develop into friendship. However, it is advisable not to call friends who are not already friends. Otherwise, you run the risk of being disappointed by setting excessive expectations in the relationship.

If you are having a hard time making new friends, these tips can help you gain confidence:

1. Do not obsess with this topic but try to be attentive to those opportunities that arise along the way. Try to relax because the bonds flow better when you do.
2. Value what you can contribute to your future friends. When you position yourself in expectation of receiving, you can project an impatience that drives others away. On the contrary, when you value yourself and are aware of your personal strengths, qualities and talents, then you assume a suitable position to make new friends. It is the attitude that is reflected in this scheme: "I am fine, you are fine."
3. The power of mediation. If someone from your environment introduces you to a friend with whom he thinks you can connect, then, this person in common can be a point of support for both in the organization of the first plans.
4. Makes activities that you like Because around the courses associated with these subjects you have new possibilities of meeting interesting people who also share your same hobby. However, remember that this does not always happen when you want it but, really, coincidences arise at the most unexpected moment. Friendship is a natural consequence of living, therefore, trust that your actions will bear fruit at some point.
5. Focus on those qualities that give you security instead of putting your attention on those limits that make you insecure. Give space to the other. If you fill all its gaps through your initiatives, phone calls and communication search, then, you do not let the friendship consolidate because this is a matter of two.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why is it hard for me to make friends, we recommend that you enter our category of Emotions.