Times have changed and couples and relationships have too. The incorporation of women into the labor market, the normalization of the use of contraceptives and the change of mentality of society in general, have allowed us to choose with whom we want to spend our lifetime.
There is no longer an obligation to be in a marriage that is not rewarding, nor is it common to think that separation is a failure. And that is why we find many boys and girls with separated parents.
When a couple with common children separates, it is necessary to act with the welfare of the children as a priority. That is why from Psychology-Online we want to make some recommendations for manage family celebrations after parental separation.
As I have commented previously, the priority must be the welfare of the sons and daughters And they are usually fine when their parents are emotionally well, when they see that they are in control of the situation and that they handle it with cordiality and respect.
Infants are flexible, they adapt much better to new situations than adults. They learn quickly but above all they learn from what they see. That is why it is very important
- Use the right words.
- Try to reach agreements that are beneficial to them.
- Never use your children to try to harm your former partner.
- Do not make them choose between one of the parents.
- Do not speak ill of the other.
Perhaps you have adapted to the day to day after the separation. There may be joint custody, sole custody, or visitation. But the safest thing is that during vacation periods the sons and daughters spend time with both parents. So how do we distribute the celebrations?
At Christmas, if each of you has a different preference, it will be easy to agree. For example, if your family always meets on Christmas Eve and your partner's family celebrates the New Year more, you can distribute it that way. In the event that you coincide on the date, you can take turns one year each. If they exist special circumstances such as the visit of uncles, cousins or friends, you could take it into account when organizing it.
The case of Twelfth Night is usually the most complicated. Both fathers or mothers want to wake up with their sons and daughters on a magical day for them. There are ex-partners who take turns for years. In others it is divided between Santa Claus and the Three Wise Men. And in others, the children spend half the day with each parent.
The most important thing is that they are with who they are, the infants have the opportunity to speak with another parent on the phone whenever they want. In this way, you will feel that you continue to have your parents even if they are not present at that time.
When those of us who are fathers or mothers were now little, birthdays used to be celebrated as a family, with grandparents, uncles and cousins. Nowadays, either because there are fewer sons and daughters or because the offer of specific places for children's celebrations has increased, birthdays have become a social event.
Children's birthday is a very special day for them, so much so that they usually start preparing it almost when the previous one ends. The choice of the place, the guests, the theme (princesses, pirates, superheroes, sea sponges ...), the invitations, the snack, cake, gift-opening ritual... On that day they are the protagonists and they are whether their parents are together or separated. Then, how do we do it?
Once again we mention the cordiality. If the relationship between the parents allows it, they can have a single celebration for both of them. Reach agreements it would be ideal but it can be difficult.
In the event that the joint celebration is not possible, you can do it separately. Each one as he wants, it is not a competition in which the one who buys the most expensive gift or pays for the most guests wins. Take their preferences into account and think that the important thing is to celebrate that they are another year old and that you are by their side.
There are still many boys and girls celebrating their first communion. This is usually associated with a great celebration party after the sacrament. Family and some friends are usually invited. In this case there is no possibility of performing the sacrament twiceTherefore, both parents must attend Church on the same day and at the same time. Sit on separate benches it is usually the preferred option. The celebrations can be held on different days.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
