The relationships between mothers and children can become so complex and unique that it is almost impossible to describe an overall pattern of behavior. There are a number of personalities that people can develop and these affect and determine their interpersonal relationships with other individuals.
Although it is true that according to society, when a woman becomes pregnant she begins to develop an instinct maternal, it is also true that, because of the personality of that woman, that instinct can be seriously repressed. This repression will give rise to maladaptive behavior patterns which will affect subsequent relationships between mother and child.
In Psychology-Online, we will give you a series of guidelines to improve this maladaptation if, in your case, you are the children of a mother with the characteristics that we are going to show you later. Below you will find how to carry out the process of forgive a mother.
There are a series of behaviors which are usually associated with a characteristic personality pattern of mothers that are known as toxic. Here you can see the
These mothers act and exercise their "power" over their sons or daughters through manipulation and self-victimization.
The handling, in short it is the taking of control over other people through the use of persuasive techniques and suggestion to, in this way, superimpose your thoughts, behaviors, emotions or decisions on those of the other person. The intentions of this behavior are usually negative, since they tend to seek their own benefit.
The victimizing behavior aims to protect itself from any criticism of others, in addition to wanting to achieve the understanding of other individuals. It is a technique widely used by those experts in emotional blackmail since, nobody dares to question a victim because, automatically, he would be considered by the rest as insensitive.
Apart from these two characteristic behaviors of toxic mothers, we can provide you with some others:
- Possessive
- Cold
- Emotionally distant
- Negative
- Overprotective in excess
- Aggressive
- Dependent
This list shows behaviors characteristic of people with low self-esteem which develop fears of possible abandonment or helplessness.
These types of mothers behave in a hoarding and overprotective way, feeling the need to have their sons or daughters always by their side since, for them, their children are the most important thing and nothing can pass them. This pattern of behavior develops dependency behaviors in children and delays their relational development because, in the future, they will have problems when interacting with the rest of the individuals.
On the other hand, those cold and distant mothers also pose a problem for the emotional development of their children. Well, they will not create attachment bonds with their mother and they will always have an emotional void with regard to their family relationship.
The resentment towards a toxic mother has the danger of interfering considerably both in our daily life and in a future relationship with our sons or daughters. That is why you have to learn to overcome pain and forgive mothers which present such behaviors.
It is very likely that as children we feel that the way our mother treats us is the same way that other mothers treat their children. However, as we grow, we become aware of certain differences in our mother-child relationship and that of others.
In order to heal a relationship with a mother, one must starting from understanding of those reasons that make her behave in such a way. Many times, people with such upbringing patterns in their children reflect that educational style that their parents have imposed on them, since they do not know of another. You have to avoid judging the mother's performance and begin to understand her reasons. To do this, there are a series of guidelines which can help you forgive your mother and improve your relationship:
- Seek professional help. Healing wounds can be tricky and there is nothing better than a proper professional to obtain the necessary tools.
- Accept that you are not to blame for anything. The way your mother treated you is because she wanted it that way, not because of your behavior or way of being.
- Write your emotions. Plasmas on paper what you feel will make it easier to expel what hurts you. Here you will see strategies and techniques for managing emotions.
- Talk to your mother. Now you are an adult and it is very important that you let out what you feel and that you explain it to them. Just like you write your emotions for yourself, do it with her. And I don't mean only the negative ones, but also the positive ones. Seeing that your relationship improves and that you feel a person closer to her can make her desire to improve your relationship also increase.
- Try to join her, connect with her.
- Find activities to do together. There are times when we think that we have absolutely nothing in common with other people, however, it is always possible to find common ground.
- Forgive her. To err is human and she erred in the past. Forgiving her will help both you and her to create a new path in your relationship.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
