It is undoubtedly necessary to be polite and kind to others if we want to interact with others. Otherwise, it will be very difficult for us to establish satisfactory personal relationships, which fill and form an important part of our life, whether as a couple, family or friendship. The problem arises when we are too good and polite, unable to say no when we want to say it or to put any of our priorities above those of others. This situation is not because we do not know how to relate, but because we do not know how to set limits in our personal relationships.
If we believe in a functional family, whose members have healthy limits that allow them to live together without falling into manipulation or dependence, we will internalize those limits and use them with hardly any account. The problem arises if we are raised in dysfunctional families, where those limits hardly exist or, if they do, they are rarely respected. It is in this case when we become vulnerable to the manipulation of others and we can end up depending on them.
In order to establish relationships based on healthy boundaries, it is necessary to follow a series of guidelines:
- Explain what bothers us: It is not about complaining all day, but if something really bothers us in our partner or a friend we must tell them, always calmly and respecting the feelings of the other, to solve the problem. situation.
- Learn to negotiate: We will not always be able to achieve our objectives, so we can establish agreements with the people with whom we have differences.
- Don't be an extremist: Setting limits does not mean always putting your own priorities above others. It is necessary to take into account the needs of the other and assess how to behave on each occasion.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
