Techniques for effective communication

People are "social" beings, in the sense that we spend most of our lives with other people. Therefore, it is important to learn to understand others and to function appropriately in social situations. Certain communication skills help us improve interpersonal relationships. Communication is the act by which an individual establishes a contact with another that allows him to transmit information.

Therefore, it is important to learn to communicate optimally, positively and clearly. In this Psychology-Online article we are going to discover which are the best techniques for effective communication and that will help you establish much more positive and error-free bridges of understanding.

The forms of human communication They can be grouped into two broad categories: verbal communication and non-verbal communication:

• Verbal communication refers to words that we use and the inflections of our voice (tone of voice).
• Non-verbal communication refers to a large number of channels, among which the most important could be mentioned:
  eye contact, the gestures facials, the movements of arms and hands or posture and body distance.

Verbal communication:

• Words (what we say)
• Tone of our voice

Non-verbal communication:

• Eye contact
• Facial expression (facial expressions)
• Arm and hand movements
• Posture and body distance

Despite the importance that we usually attribute to verbal communication, between 65% and 80% of the total of our communication with others we do it through non-verbal channels. To communicate effectively, verbal and non-verbal messages must match each other. Many difficulties in communication occur when our words contradict our non-verbal behavior. Example:

• A son gives his father a gift for his birthday and he, with a disappointed expression, says: "Thank you, it's just what he wanted."
• One boy meets his best friend on the street and, when he greets him, the other returns the greeting with a cold and dry "hello" and looks away.

But let's get down to business now and discover what are the techniques for effective communication. We all know and could quote in theory what are the basic principles to achieve correct communication, but, perhaps to sound like a truism, we frequently forget them. Some of the strategies that we can use are as simple as the following.

Active listening

One of the most important and difficult principles of the entire communication process is the know how to listen. The lack of communication that we suffer today is due in large part to not knowing how to listen to others. One is more time pending of the own emissions, and in this own necessity to communicate the essence of the communication is lost, that is to say, to put in common, to share with the others.

There is a mistaken belief that it is heard automatically, but it is not. Listening requires an effort greater than that made when speaking and also that which is exerted when listening without interpreting what is heard. But what is active listening really?

Active listening means listen and understand communication from the point of view of the speaker. What is the difference between hearing and listening? There are big differences. Hearing is simply perceive sound vibrations. Whereas listening is understanding, understanding or making sense of what is heard. Effective listening must necessarily be active over the passive.

Active listening refers to the ability to listen not only to what the person is expressing directly, but also the feelings, ideas, or thoughts that underlie what is being saying. In order to understand someone, you also need a certain empathy, that is, knowing how to put yourself in the other person's shoes.

Elements that facilitate active listening

• Psychological disposition: prepare internally to listen. Observe the other: identify the content of what he says, the objectives and feelings.
• Express to the other that you are listening with verbal communication (I see, umm, uh, etc.) and non-verbal communication (eye contact, gestures, body inclination, etc.).

Elements to avoid in active listening

• Don't get distracted, because getting distracted is easy at certain times. The attention curve starts at a very high point, decreases as the message continues, and rises again towards the end of the message. message, We must try to combat this tendency by making a special effort towards the middle of the message so that our attention does not decay.
• Do not interrupt the speaker.
• Not judge.
• Do not offer premature help or solutions.
• Do not reject what the other is feeling, for example: "don't worry, that's nothing."
• Don't tell "your story" when the other needs to talk to you.
• Do not counter-argue. For example: the other says "I feel bad" and you answer "and so do I".
• Avoid "expert syndrome": you already have the answers to the other person's problem, even before they've told you half of it.

Image: Pinterest

As we have seen previously, active listening is an essential pillar to be able to correctly develop our communication skills. This is defined as the ability to not understand at all levels what they are telling us.

Communication techniques: elements of active listening

• Show empathy: Actively listening to the emotions of others is trying to "get into their shoes" and understand their motives. It is listening to their feelings and letting them know that "we take charge", trying to understand what that person feels. It is not about showing joy, if even being nice. Simply, we are able to put ourselves in their place. However, it does not mean accepting or agreeing with the other's position. To demonstrate this attitude, we will use phrases such as: "I understand what you feel", "I notice that ...".
• Paraphrase. This concept means to verify or say in their own words what it seems that the issuer has just said. It is very important in the listening process as it helps to understand what the other is saying and allows you to verify if you are really understanding and not misinterpreting what is being said. An example of paraphrasing can be: "So, as I see, what happened was ...", "You mean you felt ???".
• Issue words of reinforcement or compliments. They can be defined as verbalizations that flatter the other person or reinforce their speech by conveying that one approves, agrees, or understands what has just been said. Some examples of this communication technique would be: "This is very funny"; "I love talking to you"or "You must be very good at tennis". Other less direct phrases also serve to convey interest in the conversation: "Good", "umm" or "Great!".
• Summarize: Through this communication skill, we inform the other person of our degree of understanding or the need for further clarification.

But, in addition to active listening, there are other techniques for effective communication. Here are some examples and communication skills to help you achieve good listening and understanding.

Communication techniques: skills

• Avoid labels. When criticizing another person, talk about what he does, not what he is. Labels do not help the person to change, but rather reinforce her defenses. Talking about what a person is would be: "You have forgotten to take out the trash again. You are a disaster "; while talking about what it does would be: "you've forgotten to take out the trash again. You've been forgetting things a lot lately. "
• Discuss the issues one at a time, not "take advantage" of the discussion, for example about the partner's lateness, to reproach him in passing that he is clueless, forgetful and not affectionate.
• Do not accumulate negative emotions without communicating them, as they would produce an outburst that would lead to destructive hostility.
• Don't talk about the past. Recalling old advantages, or bringing up the "dirty laundry" of the past, not only does not bring anything useful, but it also arouses bad feelings. The past should only be brought up constructively, to be used as a model when it has been good and we are trying to re-launch positive behaviors perhaps somewhat forgotten. But it is clear that the past cannot be changed; therefore it is necessary to direct the energies to the present and to the future.
• Be specific. Being specific, concrete, precise, is one of the techniques for effective communication. After a specific communication, there are changes; it is a concrete way forward. When you are nonspecific, you rarely mobilize anything. If, for example, we feel lonely and we want more time to be with our partner, do not just say something like this: "You ignore me", "I feel alone", "You are always busy". Although such a formulation expresses a sentiment, if we do not make a specific proposal, things will probably not change. It would be appropriate to add something else. For example: "What do you think if we both agree to leave everything we have in hand at 9 pm, so we can have dinner together and chat?
• Avoid generalizations. The terms "always" and "never" are seldom true and tend to form labels. It is different to say: "lately I see you something absent" than "you are always in the clouds". To be fair and honest, to reach agreements, to produce changes, expressions such as: “Most of the time”, “Sometimes”, “Sometimes”, “Frequently” are more effective. They are forms of expression that allow the other to feel correctly valued.
• Be brief. Repeating the same thing several times with different words, or lengthening the approach excessively, is not pleasant for the listener. It produces the sensation of being treated as someone of little enlightenment or as a child. In any case, you are in danger of being shunned as tiresome when you begin to speak. It must be remembered that: "The good, if brief, twice as good."

To take care of her non-verbal communication we will take into account the following:

• Non-verbal communication should go according to the verbal. Saying "you know I love you" with an annoyed face will leave the other person worse than if nothing had been said.
• Eye contact. It is the percentage of time that you are looking into the other person's eyes. Visual contact should be frequent, but not exaggerated.
• Affected. It is the appropriate emotional tone for the situation in which you are interacting. It is based on indices such as tone of voice, facial expression, and voice volume (not too high, not too low).

Choose the right place and time

Sometimes a good communicative style, a coherent model or adequate content can be ruined if we have not chosen the right moment to transmit it or establish a relationship. It is important to take care of some aspects that refer to the moment in which you want to establish communication:

• The atmosphere: the place, the noise that exists, the level of privacy ...
• If we are going to criticize or ask for explanations, we must wait to be alone with our interlocutor.
• If we are going to praise him, it will be good that he is with his group or other significant people.
• If a discussion has started and we see that it is getting out of hand or that it is not the appropriate time, we will use phrases such as: “If you don't mind, we can continue discussing this in... later".

Image: Non-verbal analysis

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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