What is emotional attachment and how to overcome it

One of the easiest "traps" to fall when we are in a relationship, whether in a relationship, friendship or family, is emotional attachment. It's about the dependency that is created between two people and that makes us unable to be 100% independent. Our happiness does not depend, then, on ourselves but will be very dependent on the relationship we have with that other person. It can be a double-edged sword, especially if we talk about a relationship environment since, if the relationship comes to an end, we can feel empty and depressed. In this Psychology-Online article, we are going to discover you what is emotional attachmentand how to overcome it. Healthy relationships are the ones that bring the most happiness and connection.

Index

1. Are you emotionally dependent? Test
2. Tips to overcome emotional dependence
3. How to overcome emotional attachment in the couple?

The

To find out if you have emotional dependence, below we are going to offer you a test with questions that you must answer honestly. It is important that you be honest with yourself in order to have a truthful result on the subject. Answer TRUE or FALSE to these questions to know if you are emotionally dependent:

• I am very affected by the criticism of others
• I really care what they think of me
• I do not like to be contrary because I do not like confrontations
• I keep my opinions to myself if they are different from the rest
• I find it difficult to take the initiative when I am with more people
• I am afraid of losing my partner / friend / family and many times I suffer from this thought
• When I am afraid or afraid, I usually do emotional blackmail
• I have a hard time making decisions for myself
• I feel like I need that person to be able to be happy
• I like to know where that person is at all times to know that they are okay
• I have isolated myself a bit from my friends and / or family
• I feel anxiety many times when I think about that relationship
• I am usually sad
• I feel like I don't love myself too much, that I have low self-esteem

If you answered a majority of TRUE

In the event that you have answered the previous statements with a majority of TRUE, then you do feel emotionally attached or dependent on someone close to you. This feeling may be more or less obvious but it is affecting your personal and private life. Leaving friends behind or obsessing over someone else's life can upset your own security and happiness. You have to conceive that the other person is someone independent and does not have to give you accounts or be aware of you all day.

If you answered a majority of FALSE

So, in general, we can say that you are not 100% dependent. It is clear that, in the vast majority of relationships, there is a certain degree of dependency. But, in your case, it is a degree that can be managed and that is not affecting your life or your self-esteem.

If you have TIE

You have to be very careful because you are at the tipping point that can lead to a toxic or healthy relationship. You have to correct attitudes and remember that nobody belongs to anybody. You are two independent people who, together, have a good time and become happier. But happiness is in you and inside you, don't forget it!

Once you have been honest with yourself, it is important to face the problem and know how to overcome emotional attachment. It has to change the course of this situation Because, dependency, the only thing it will do is make your destiny and your happiness much more vulnerable. The reason is that you leave your happiness and well-being in the hands of others and, therefore, it can be very dangerous.

In order to overcome emotional dependencies, we recommend that you take into account these tips that will surely help you.

Increase your self esteem

One of the main reasons we get "hooked" on people is to feel stronger and more confident. But this is a basic error. Security and our self-esteem have to be born from within, it cannot be related to something or someone external to us. Therefore, the first thing you have to do is love yourself more, dedicate time to yourself and forgive your mistakes, as well as recognize your virtues. The change begins in yourself so give yourself the value you really want and, thus, you will not need others to reinforce that positive image of yourself. In this article, we show you self-esteem dynamics for adults.

Learn to be alone

In order to overcome emotional attachment, it is essential that you know how to be with yourself. People who compulsively flee from loneliness is because there is something in them that does not quite work. Remember that you only have to learn to be happy, that you do not have to need more company than yourself to be comfortable and at peace. For this reason, we suggest that you spend more time alone, that you enjoy these moments just for you and that you make peace with yourself. Others can help you in a timely manner to overcome life problems but it is you who, in the end, has to heal the wounds.

Be clear about your goals

People who are emotionally dependent often lose sight of their personal purposes and goals in life. Normally, they cling to the dreams and desires of that other person and "give in" to joint plans. This usually happens, above all, within a relationship where the limits of individuality, many times, seem to be erased. But this is something that you should avoid the most. It is good that you have projects in common but, also, you should have separate projects. Our dreams and your goals should never be erased from our mind.

Learn to be assertive

If you want to regain your emotional and personal independence, it is important that you dare to be who you are. Don't be afraid to speak your mind (as long as you do so in a respectful and polite way). Many times, the presence of another more confident and "tough" person can make us feel small. But it is important to avoid this feeling of inferiority and reaffirm your personality and your opinions. Only then can you regain your autonomy and not silence or treat yourself badly.

Although this dependence can take place on any emotional plane, the truth is that it is in the romantic where it is most common. The reason is that, sometimes, the fact of having a partner is confused with the fact of becoming a "pack". And we must not forget that a couple is the union of two individual and independent people who decide to be together to be happier. Increase happiness but not create it. Because you, by yourself, already have to be happy.

A very common and dangerous mistake is believe that our happiness depends on our partner. "It doesn't make me happy", this is one of the most common reproaches that can be found in this field. But keep in mind that nobody has to make you happy, you just have to be and others are people who will make you happier.

In the event that you suffer from this situation in your partner, here are some tips so you know how to overcome emotional attachment on the romantic plane.

Have a healthy relationship

Dependence is one of the symptoms that a relationship is toxic. Mentally you have to be clear that this person is with you because he loves you and because he wants. But, as it is, you can go. It is neither yours nor yours. That person is independent of you and he is by your side because of the feelings you have. Therefore, treat her the same as you treat a friend and avoid reproaches, avoid feeling jealous, avoid possessive relationships. All this will not contribute anything good, the only thing that will do is add more fuel to the fire and that the couple will wither away.

Get away from your partner a bit

How to get rid of emotional attachment? If you think that you are having a dependent relationship with your partner, we propose an exercise: try to distance yourself from her. And do it for real. Spend time with your loved ones, avoid being with your mobile all day, and so on. Recovering your own life will help you to be able to "disengage" from your partner and restore the relationship to health. Also, sometimes, missing each other and wanting to see each other makes the relationship reborn, as well as the passion.

Have your own life

And finally, to eliminate emotional attachment in the couple, we recommend that you have a life of your own. It is good that you share intimate moments, moments with mutual friends but, also, it is good that each one makes their plans with their friends. That degree of independence is necessary and very healthy, therefore, do not lose it. And if you have already lost it, nothing happens, you can recreate it.

Here we discover the causes and symptoms of emotional dependence in a partner so you can solve this situation as soon as possible.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What is emotional attachment and how to overcome it, we recommend that you enter our category of Personal growth and self-help.

• Garriga, J. (2013). Good love in the couple. Barcelona: Destination.
• Gottman, J. M., Silver, N. (2012). Seven golden rules for living as a couple. Barcelona: Debolsillo.