Processes of Grief Facing Significant Losses

  • Jul 26, 2021
click fraud protection
Processes of Grief Facing Significant Losses

First of all I express my satisfaction for participating in this virtual meeting and being able to share with you my two cents towards the humanization of relationships intra and interpersonal in general, and in the accompaniment in the grieving processes in the face of significant losses in particular.

As a brief introduction, I will say that my framework It is the Holistic Paradigm within which Humanist Psychology is inserted

In this PsychologyOnline article, we will talk about The Grief Processes Faced with Significant Losses.

You may also like: Grief Processes in the Elderly

Index

  1. Theoretical framework
  2. Loss and Grief
  3. Lost
  4. Duel
  5. The way. The bridge.
  6. Some resources to channel our emotions in a healthy way
  7. The Three Pillars
  8. The foundations
  9. Results of a nutritious / healthy grieving process
  10. Conclution

Theoretical framework.

From there I understand the human being as a compendium of five large dimensions: mental, physical, emotional, relational / social, and spiritual, with the utmost respect for the different ways of understanding each of the dimensions. In the case of

spirituality, as we know, while for some people spirituality is inevitably linked to religion, for others not it is so.

Marie de Hennezel and Jean-Yves Leloup, sensitively present these aspects of human life in their book The Art of Dying -Religious Traditions and Humanistic Spirituality .

Like them, I understand that by denying death, our society deprives itself of a reflection and meditation on the question ofthe sense and of the sacredAnd yet some moments in life, and especially crises, put us in front of these essential questions. "This space of the sacred, - affirm the authors - of the sense, of the relationship of the human being with that which exceeds him, that In the past it was organized by religious traditions, today it is shown to many as a space that must be covered and returned to live".

Sogyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Life and Death recommends that to find one spiritual path or another, we follow with complete sincerity the path that inspires us the most. "Read the great spiritual books of all traditions - the author advises us - get an idea of ​​what they may want say the masters, when they speak of liberation and enlightenment, and find out which approach (...) attracts you and suits you more. Apply all the discernment that you are capable of in your search; the spiritual path demands more intelligence, more sober understanding, and more subtle powers of discernment than any other discipline... "

In my professional practice, I use a integrative synthesis different procedures of the Humanistic Psychology, and Transpersonal Psychology from the hand of authors like Ken Wilber and Stanislav Grof with the intention of balancing to the maximum the functions of both cerebral hemispheres in conjunction with the body as a primary emitter and receptor. To this synthesis I add what other approaches I know and consider useful.

For example, from elements of the Cognitivism / Constructivism to the Psychoanalysis, going through the systemic perspective, to whom I approach withinterest and respect.

From what I have just said, it should be understood that the cursory knowledge of some approaches does not prevent me from responsible and effective use of some of its premises and techniques.

Having Gestalt Therapy as its axis and its process of awareness as the foundation for any change, I use psychocorporal approaches, techniques of group dynamics and psychodrama, visualization or mental images, and art applied to personal growth and psychotherapy. Also relaxation techniques, assertiveness training and writing. All this combined with procedures for reflection, analysis and understanding of the processes, from a global and integrating perspective that includes a recognition of the ethical values ​​at stake.

As it usually happens, everything my job it is fruit from a compendium of contributionsexternalthat I have tried to elaborate and digest with my own experiences personal and professional. Thus, this presentation is accompanied by a relationship that can be expanded based on specific demands.

From my training in Humanistic Psychology, I understand that "humanize" means: a lively, global, inclusive, creative, honest, sensitive and respectful way of understanding the human being, his environment and his interactions.

And it is these premises that make me affirm - although not discover - that grief and pain in the face of major losses it's a set of processes often wrongly treated, which blocks our growth potential, while an adequate elaboration of the duelincreases the strength to face the negative and the positive in the present and the future of our existence.

Every major loss can also be an opportunity to creative transformation, if we can integrate the wide and deep range of feelings, emotions, attitudes, beliefs, ideas, omissions and actions involved in the process.

The proposal is "complicated simple":learn more and better about the grieving processes, to facilitate and facilitate healthy transformations of the set of thoughts, emotions and behaviors associated with loss. This allows us to accompany with quality...; humanize care for people who suffer..., starting with the same.

Among many other authors who are based on her personal and professional experience, and among different fields related to the humanization of relationships, I recommend the book Intimate deathby Marie de Hennezel.

The title of this presentation is THE PROCESSES OF GRIEF IN THE EVENT OF SIGNIFICANT LOSSES, due to my belief that what is understood as a process of mourning death, is perfectly applicable to other losses. And not only that, but it is very useful to be appliedto other losses.

As we know, to humanize, you have to be able to to love: love ourselves from the self-esteem, -what no arrogance-. And be, also, capable of love other beings and the environment, taking into account that love is not nor should it be overprotection.

Naturally, all this requires an effort for the change, or for him maintenance of certain attitudesbefore life, before suffering, and before death.

And it is already known that death and suffering, referred to intra and interpersonal relationships, they have been set aside in our western society. A pact of silence has been generated around him: they are issues that get in the way.

Values, attitudes, feelings, actions around thesuffering, loss, death and griefThey are object of little study compared to other dimensions of human reality. Its presence has been, until recently, obviated in the majority of career curricula with an evident humanistic background and impact on relationships. interpersonal skills such as psychology, medicine, pedagogy, social work, social education, teaching... impacts, death and suffering practically would not exist for the vast majority of us.

With Marie de Hennezel we affirm that sometimes it is necessary for misfortune to affect you personally to see things differently.

This entails difficulties in assuming the continuous losses that we suffer throughout our lives.

The sense of the lifetime and the meaning of the death, They are universal concerns, and in the case of death, these concerns proceed, among other aspects, of the fear of the unknown. Yalom makes a masterful exposition about it in his work Existential Psychotherapy, in which he reels off the universal fear of death, and in which, for example, he describes how death is a prime source of distress, and as such is a prime source of material for the psychopathology.

Thus, as we well know, fear in our civilization, it has made the experience of death a great taboo.

The taboo It is the result of a attitude and as such, it is subject to change.

Change attitudes, not it is easy, even if Yes it is possible .

And, in my understanding, this should be a priority objective of any personal and professional information / training: promote a change in attitude towards suffering, loss in general, and death in particular.

We well know that information facilitates the knowledge, and both are some of the resources essential to change attitudes .

To change attitudes the human being needs will, time and resources.

And in it I will extend later, when we focus on the grieving processes in the face of significant losses which is the objective of my presentation this time.

Loss and Grief.

First we will focus on the question of mourning, that is, suffering, and for this, I will start from 4 premises:

1) The precariousness as a species:

The human being, despite having conquered all the eco-systems on the planet, and having created your own eco-system, is a radically precarious species, since she takes between 18 and 20 years to mature. Matures in contact with other human beings and with the environment, which makes it, during long years, on a dependent being that your intrinsic needs as a human being are fully or partially cared for as you grow. "To understand human nature, we not only have to study physical and psychological dimensions, but also their social and cultural manifestations -observes the notable scientist Fritjof Capra- Human beings evolved as animals social (...). More than any other species they participated in collective thought, thus creating a world of culture and values ​​that becomes an integral part of our natural environment. (...). Consequently, human evolution progresses through an interaction of the inner world and the outer world, between individuals and societies, between nature and culture. "

2) The human speciesshe is the only one aware that she is mortal, that is, the structure moriturus.

3) The human being tends to deny finitude, and therefore also other realities. It occurs to me to call this phenomenon "the finitude of forms". Everything that is born dies, and everything that appears disappears. And regardless of particular beliefs, and that energy is a continuum, every form has a process of birth, development and end. However, we tend to live denying this imponderable.

And again, here we can refer to Yalom.

Yalom questions the concept of fundamental distress of Bowlby, and when he asks about the omission of the fear of death in some theory, he affirms "I believe that there is (...) an active process of repression, derived from the universal tendency of humanity - including researchers (and some theorists) to deny death, both in personal life and in activity professional. Other scholars on the subject (like Anthony) have reached the same conclusions. "

Another of the authors who makes recommendable reflections in this regard is Joan Carles Mèlich, in Borderline situations and education. For example, on pg. 36 of said work states that "the anthropos it is the finite being, who lives from its finitude and death. (...) It is before this consciousness of limitation that the anthropos he experiences what can be called a 'feeling of powerlessness' that must be understood as the impossibility of jumping over the wall, the border of existential finitude ".

4) The human being relates and establishes links. This entails different degrees and quality of affectivity, which in turn implies a assessment positive or negative link. Assessment based in a set of rational, emotional and socio-cultural factorsMost of the psychotherapy professionals, we have Bowlby as one of the reference points regarding the calls link theories, and for a discussion on the matter, I refer once more to Yalom, when he argues that "although we accept the argument that the anguish of separation is the first, from the chronological point of view, it would not follow that death is 'really' fear of losing a object. The most fundamental - or basic - anguish comes from the danger of losing oneself, and if one is afraid of losing an object it is because it threatens - in a real or symbolic way - one's own survival. "

At the moment, then, when a lost (in a subjective sense) appears the frustration. And whether or not we are aware of it, frustration involves, at the very least, sadness Y anger.

Thus we come to grief before what a person (consciously or not) values ​​as loss.

In this presentation, for reasons of extension, I am not going to mention the grieving processes that specifically refer to the kids. For contributions and reflections in general, and also focused on educationThose who are interested can refer -among others- to Sewn and Plaxats, Grollman, Mèlich, Mèlich and Poch, Poch, Poch and Plaxats, and Yalom. Specifically Concepció Poch, in his book On Life and Death - Reflections for Parents and Educators makes a masterful contribution of teaching resources to be used with children and adolescents.

Lost.

Understood in subjective sense, and as something that we had and we no longer have, or as something that we wanted to have and it does not arrive. In a subjective sense, since I understand that no one can tell anyone if "that" should or should not be considered a loss. And although comparisons are often used, there is not and should not exist what I colloquially call a "pain meter." My pain is mine, and mine is the extent to which I feel it.

LOSS in the broad sense; It may be your own life or that of a loved one. Or it can be referred to a friendship, a job, a certain social status, a physical function, etc ...

And... why do we feel so much a loss? Without going into investigations (Bowlby, etc.), it may be the loss or non-achievement of something valued consciously or unconsciously. Assessment based on a set of rational, emotional and socio-cultural factors. Positive assessment promotes action to achieve what is valued, and therefore, we resist its loss or non-achievement.

Processes of Grief Faced with Significant Losses - Loss

Duel.

It's understood as a complicated life experience formed by a set of processes psycho-physical-emotional-relational-spiritual... from the subjective notion of lossThe reader can refer -among other works- to Treating grief: counseling and therapyby J. William Worden.

And to avoid that he duel is complicated, we better consciously decide direct us towards a healthy goal which each one calls differently.

Generally, professionals refer to the "elaboration of the duel", although I, for a few years, I chose to call it:healthy transformation of grief (= T.Sl. D.). And I did it with a double intention:

  1. On one side, avoid the concept of "acceptance" as unique when it comes to raising the healthy goal in the face of the seizure that represents a significant loss for a person.
  2. And at the same time group different concepts in a generic definition, according to the ways of feeling of each different person.

By proposing the "healthy transformation of grief," it is essential to clarify its meaning, and that is precisely what I intend.

As we know, in the name of good communication, we must know and repeat the different meanings that different people give to the same concept.

Also, to my understanding, affirm that the duel must be worked out, does not immediately denote (for laymen in the matter) that such elaboration should be directed towards healthy forms. We can affirm that the duel in any case it is elaborated. Sometimes in a healthy way, and sometimes in a toxic way. That is, in a way complicated, that can lead to forms pathological.

As an example, in my experience, I ask a person:

"What is -for a more or less near future- your healthy goal of change, given the suffering you feel now?", Or

"What would you like to change in you in the face of this suffering you feel now?"

"What do you imagine will change in you regarding the suffering you feel now?" Each person expresses it differently. E.g.:

  • "Let this anguish go away" (points to the solar plexus)
  • "That the strong anger that I feel go away"
  • "Maybe I'll get over it, but accept it! Never !"
  • "Maybe I will assume it, but I will never accept it"

And it is obvious that all of them refer to their emotional wound being well healed, which means being able to remember the lost being or situation, without feeling the overwhelming pain of the beginning.

So, just like "elaboration of the duel", the concept of "healthy transformation of grief", implies dismissal, detachment, internally relocate what was lost, renew the meaning and remake one's own life, without the wound being falsely closed, constantly suppurating, and even infecting other areas of the person and his environment. For some people the process will include a reconfirmation, revision, or restructuring of their spiritual beliefs or values, and for others not, or at least not consciously, and this should be taken into account also in the case of an accompaniment in said process. A accompaniment professional, or not, although always respectful.

It means being able to have our own vital energy for our present and our future.

The way. The bridge.

In the Diagram of Grief Processes, we have "P" on the left symbolizing loss (= seizure), and "T.Sl. D." (= well healed emotional wound) symbolizing the concept of Healthy Transformation of Grief. We see that there is a way; a bridge, representative of set of processes what mediates between lost and the healthy grief transformation.

It can easily be seen that this is a diagram that can also be understood as a Diagram of the Processes of Change in general. Change from the starting point (in this case the lost) , and the point of arrival (in this case the healthy grief transformation).

And this allows us to resume here the concept of change of attitudes commented at the beginning.

First of all, I propose to understand the concept of attitude as a set of thoughts, values, beliefs, habits, traditions, character, personality, emotions, etc., that mark all our actions or omissions.

I think no one will doubt that, for the change be effective, it is necessary to:

-know the problem as clearly as possible,

-know "" "" the objective to which we wish to go, and
-know that the path will not be a straight line, but a process formed by a set of processes.
Let us now see what, in my opinion, is found in that bridge.

That's where we can place the calls phases, stages, or tasks of grief that allow us to know the most common reactions, those by me called switch elements and those elementsfacilitators of a healthy grieving process, and their results.

Kübler-Ross, Worden, other authors and our own experience personal and professional, they have taught us that the grieving person lives a wide and deep amalgam of emotions and feelings.

Despite his oscillations, if we can channel healthy different states of mind, this allows us to continue moving towards healthy transformation of our vital energy.

As to most common reactions, before a significant loss; significant loss, we can react, at the very least, with more or less blocking more or less fluency. However, both processes can be healthy or toxic, as they serve for contain or to channel emotionality (= healthy processes), or become rigidity or in emotional overflow (= toxic processes).

Healthy fluency is related to that creative emotional management on which we have been insisting: the so-called "emotional literacy". Which allows us to use emotions and thoughts in a powerful creative way. Both healthy blocking and fluidity allow you to reshape your life according to the new reality. Producing a creative transformation of our vital forces, even in the most extreme situations. In his famous book Man's Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl offers us a good example of it.

Broadly speaking, I will indicate some of the elements that can interrupt a healthy grieving process:

  • No, little or excessive information.
  • Communication gaps with oneself and with others.
  • Closing yourself excessively.
  • Paternalisms / maternalisms, where everyone knows and everyone hides, or where everyone knows what is best for a possible protagonist (understand, for example, terminally ill with his mental faculties in perfect condition), without attending to his demands.
  • Lack of respect for one's own or someone else's process. Process understood in all dimensions of the human being: mental, physical, emotional, relational / social, and spiritual.

As an example, of disrespect for the spiritual dimension of a person, I will mention something that I witnessed not long ago. A person, who before his comment that he imagines his recently deceased mother in "an intermediate place" between heaven and earth, a family member bluntly snaps "What nonsense! Your mother is buried and well buried and nothing more! " Let us now turn to facilitating elements of a healthy grieving process, or recommendations.

  • Intrapersonal relationships healthy. Be aware of your own internal contradictions and try to face and resolve them to the best of your ability.
  • Healthy interpersonal relationships. Naturally, conflicts or well-being with oneself will have a healthy or toxic impact on our relationships with other people and our environment.
  • Establish healthy empathy. I insist on the concept of "healthy", since usually, by "empathy" is understood the ability to put oneself in the place of the other to understand him better and thus better accompany him in his suffering. However, we know that this concept is often highly misunderstood and therefore misapplied. In the desire to put themselves in the place of the other, many professionals easily fall into the "burn-out" syndrome, due to a lack of understanding of what I prefer to call "healthy empathy". It is about healthily facilitating the process of someone who suffers, we must be able to differentiate ourselves from that person. As Jung would say, it is necessary to be able to establish the link from individuation.
  • Healthy emotional channeling. As in other of my works (papers or articles), I want to point out that, among the different dimensions that make up us as human beings: mental, physical, emotional, relational / social and spiritual, emotions and feelings, (generically I mean it What moods), take a great importance in the elaboration of the duel.

Modernity meant that when a society was more advanced, emotionality was worse classified on a personal level. We formulate it in the past tense, everything and that our current society still shows many of those traits. However, fortunately, these premises are changing.

It is quite true that emotionality entangles rationality. It does not allow us to think, analyze and decide lucidly. And, unfortunately, failing to increase our awareness toward healthy goals fostered culture of positivity, cooperation, peace, namely the culture of love, it is too easy to fall into the powerful tentacles of the culture of negativity, competitiveness, hatred, and therefore: war .., both towards our interior and towards our exterior.

Taking care of a healthy emotional channeling, we also take care of the well-known psychosomaticism.

Some resources to channel our emotions in a healthy way.

  • Increase our self-knowledge, to know, recognize, face and manage positively what we feel, think, avoid or do
  • Learn and / or develop humanizing communication skills, eg, assertiveness, relaxation methods and techniques, which will not work without healthy attitudes that facilitate their application. A highly recommended resource that is not simply easy to apply, is qualitative listening (or active listening): listening without prejudging and without preparing the answer while we listen.

Among other authors, Sogyal Rinpoche, in his Tibetan Book of Life and Death -, he describes it like this: "(...) do not interrupt, argue or downplay what he says (in that case the dying person). (...) Learn to listen and learn to receive in receptive and serene silence that makes the other person feel accepted... ".

With this author, I also recommend common sense and a sense of humor. "Humor," Sogyal Rinpoche continues, "is something wonderful to lighten the atmosphere, to help place the process (of dying in this case) in its true universal perspective (...). So he uses humor with as much skill and delicacy as he can "(Pg. 218).

Speak, to walk, cry, cook, pray, meditate, play sports, go for a walk, be silent, think... and a long etc., according to your own preferences and in a conscious and responsible way.

In the chapter Advice on assisting the dying, and placing ourselves in the context of hospice (or hospice), Sogyal Rinpoche advises us to encourage the dying person "affectionately to feel as free as possible to express your thoughts, fears and emotions about the death and dying. Undressing emotions like this sincerely and without being afraid is the key to any possible transformation, to make peace with life, or to have a good death, and it is necessary to give the person absolute freedom and unrestricted permission to say whatever he wants. "(Pg. 218 op. cit).

Obviously, these recommendations are applicable and extendible to other situations and to family, friends and professionals who accompany a person in their process.

"In all hospitals, there should be a 'screaming room' (room for emotional externalization, where you can hit and scream safely)". I don't exactly remember if this statement by Dr. Kübler-Ross

It appears in some of his many books, or if I heard it in any of his lectures. Perhaps it would not hurt either, if each of us in our homes could have such a place.

Healthy emotional channeling resources such as scream or breaksomethinguseless, must be nuanced and applied with great care in a controlled and safe context, and that is why I am going to stop at this point.

Even in the case of people who, due to their vital trajectory, perfectly know ways to channel their anger or rage through this path, they should practice them with caution to avoid emotional abreactions excessive.

Naturally, with much more caution they should be applied by a person who does not know these practices.

At first it is recommended to use the resources of yelling and / or breaking something useless together with a professional expert in it. A psychotherapist specifically trained in it. In this frame, the psychotherapist will explain a series of rules of the game such as e.g. They are: not to cause harm to a @ himself @, or to the professional, or to the environment.

I will explain below how I approach it in my practiceprofessional. The client who, once informed, decides to try to channel her anger in this way, - at the very least - will remain with her eyesopen; very aware of whom or what and why he is hitting or breaking; You will breathe consciously, broadly and rhythmically in accordance with the movements you carry out, and you will choose the form that best suits you at that moment, from among those that I offer you. This is: hitting one or more cushions on a mat arranged for that purpose. Either tear apart an expired phone book, or hit a pillow with a mattress shaker, or maybe use a piece of flexible rubber hose while wearing gardening gloves to avoid erosion on the skin of the hands due to rubbing with the Rubber. (1)

Your first action will last a maximum of 5 seconds. He will evaluate it, together with me and, if we both agree on the client's self-regulatory capacity, he will continue in a patterned way, in a healthy conjunction between emotional expression and control.

Both, psychotherapist and client, accept in advance the mutual power to decide not to initiate or to stop this form of emotional expression. For example, when the client feels fear before starting, or has tried it, I eat professional, I propose other ways for the healthy channeling of the client's emotionality, such as can the Display Creative So said person can To imagine that he is hitting, screaming or breaking.

Or perhaps invite the client to "pretend" to scream, using techniques and mechanisms of sound emission of the voice, but without emitting more than weak sounds.

For reasons of context, I am not going to continue the details of complex psychotherapeutic operations that may or may not be used, depending on the professional judgment of the psychotherapist. I just want to point out the importance of no one should ever be encouraged to go beyond their capabilities or preferences. On the contrary, from our great responsibility, we must treat these forms of emotional channeling with extreme care and respect.

In my case, they are not the formulas I use the most, nor the ones I suggest the most. I calculate that, in my practice, it can only occur about 3 or 4 times a year, and with different clients, since although I consider them very powerful and effective, there are many others that can be equally effective and healthy, in addition to the fact that, as indicated above, they are not valid for everyone. It will depend on: diagnosis, situation, characteristics, preferences and availability of the client.

In some approaches to Humanistic Psychology, such as Gestalt or Bioenergetics, some of the these methods, which due to my training, I already knew and used since the end of the 70s and during the 80. However, to be true to the sources, I will comment that the specific formula of breaking an expired phone book, or hit it once deposited on a cushion, I adopted it from my participation in the basic training with the staff of Dr. Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, in Scotland and California in June and August of the year 1991 respectively.

The important thing is that each person knows, seeks, finds and develops the channels that best suit and suit them.

And I insist that for this it is very necessary check, reconfirm and / or change their own values, beliefs, (= opinions, judgments)..., on the reasons why it is worth carrying out a change effort. And I consider it important to underline the concept of effort, since it is well known that all change requires effort.

We know that it is not easy, because we are talking about change of attitudes, although it is feasible.

The Grief Processes Faced with Significant Losses - Some resources to channel our emotions in a healthy way

The Three Pillars.

Continuing with the Diagram of the Grief Processes, the bridge to which we have been referring, according to the Diagram, is supported by three pillars:

  • Weather
  • Willpower
  • Resources

Let's briefly look at each pillar:

    • Time: From the beginning it should be understood that to reach the goal, it takes time. The processes demand it. Likewise, I allow myself to question the claim that "time heals everything." By no means does that correspond to reality. Time does NOT cure everything. Otherwise, people with a toxic developed grief would not come to our consultations, as a result of e.g. the death of a son that occurred 15 years ago. Time is one of the three pillars that we refer to.
    • The will: Not for granted, it is less ignored that, to reach the objective, one must have the will to carry out the effort that this will inevitably entail. Y when we faint on our way, it will be useful to us:
      • review our values, beliefs, that is, opinions, judgments, ideas about the goal we have set ourselves.
      • confirm those values ​​that favor it, or
      • We rethink the objective, if necessary.

It will stoke the fire of our motivation, thus becoming the motor of our Will to continue fighting towards him change that we want.

The foundations.

The structure shown in the Grief Process Diagram is supported by a foundation. Foundations formed by:

  • the history, and by
  • the actuality.

Both focused on both the personal dimension and the social dimension of the person in question.

    • The history: As is known, depending on our personal history including genetic inheritance, and our social history, so we will have more or less will; more or less internal resources; more or less ability to use external resources.

I do not consider it of interest to delve into the old contrast between the percentage of influence exerted by the innate and what is acquired in the development of human personality. For a systematized and panoramic tour of the basic topics of General Psychology, with special emphasis on the topic of the personality, approached in a simple, entertaining and didactic way, as is typical in Humanist Psychology, I recommend the book Understanding how we are -Dimensions of personality-by Ana Gimeno.

  • The actuality: In the same way, our current context, both in our personal sphere and in our social sphere, will influence e.g. the type and amount of resources are within our reach, or in the encouragement or discouragement that we receive from the people or situations in our environment, etc.

Naturally, both factors can present an infinite number of variables in the process of preparing the duel. in the event of a significant loss, which must be taken into account in the case of accompaniment in the process.

Results of a nutritious / healthy grieving process.

If we really get one good grief transformation, we can affirm that we get:

  • Overcome defense mechanisms that at the time were very useful and that became chronic blocking our vital energy.
  • Have a chance to conclude unfinished business and of learn so much from the painful experienceas from the happy experience.
  • Learn to say goodbye to what is lost, or what is desired that does not arrive: the necessary process of detachment from which e.g. Buddhism speaks to us. It is about being able to say goodbye to what we leave behind and welcome what comes to us. In other words, we are referring to the various deaths and rebirths with which our lives are so full, and how healthy they are if we can face them with healthy fluency.
  • "As in the integral vision," says Capra, "many traditions see birth and death as phases of infinite cycles that represent the continuous renewal typical of the dance of life."
  • Facing finitude, which will contribute greater meaning to our life.
  • Promote and develop attitudes and skills to accompany in suffering, in a way that facilitate theincrease of the other and his own.
  • Understand every loss What:
    • Healthy creative transformation opportunity.
    • Learning opportunity
    • Learn to say goodbye * Learn to flow, living from and for him change, with their uncertainties and insecurities.
  • Prepare for front facing, to manage the discomfort, instead of deny it and therefore live with your back to him. * Learn so much from the successes, as of the mistakes and failures.*Take care of ratio / emotion binomial. = The boom of Emotional Intelligence. -See Goleman (f) and Gardner (g) in Annex V-Bilbiography -. * Contemplate the duel as an important factor in life.
  • Target to duel (to the suffering):
  • Time, space, skills and attitudes (among other resources). * Encourage attitudes of cooperation.
  • In order to abandon or avoid competition.
  • Promote and implement humanizing values.
  • Provide us and provide spaces for reflection, exchange, contrast, communication... with maximum affective fluidity, and therefore, energetic.
  • Learn how to duel or at least to advance, according to our real possibilities, in the process towards healthy grief transformation.

All this in the different areas:personal (partner, family, friends ...) and Social (including the labor-professional or paraprofessional field).

When we achieve it, we feel greater prominence in our existence. And not from arrogant and competitive positions, but from the strength of ethical attitudes of, e.g. some humility and cooperation.

In short, we get:

humanize Y spiritualize relationships with oneself / oneself, cwith others and with the environment

I am aware that, perhaps, it is no longer anything new to enact a humanization of relationships. However, I do want to emphasize that the values ​​and proposals of humanistic psychology are being "claimed" loudly and gradually implanted in very different areas of our society. Let's remember the call Emotional intelligence.

It is, therefore, about combining the functions of both cerebral hemispheres in the healthiest way possible.

Finalizing, and regarding the professional application of what is presented here, I will say that it is very satisfactory to find Public Health professionals like Hartnoll who considers it necessary that "while training must provide information and develop skills, it must raise an important underlying question, that of the attitudes and emotional reactions of professionals ". Therefore - Hartnoll continues - "special attention must be paid to the attitudes and needs of the staff, in terms of preparation and emotional support".

Conclution.

Meetings like the one that these days bring us together virtually, facilitate the necessary and always enriching exchange between those of us who wish to respond more and better to the obvious every day. social need to re-implant humanizing values to care for those who suffer. From the most direct attention, to the training of professionals and volunteers.

Finally, I want to thank so many authors such as Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, Professor Neymeyer, and so many others, along with clients, students, colleagues, friends and family, who with their valuable contributions are facilitating that I, in turn, grow personally and professionally.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Processes of Grief Facing Significant Losses, we recommend that you enter our category of Emotions.

instagram viewer