There are different types of criticism, however, the comments that cause the most pain are those hurtful messages that generate the effect of a personal attack. When you receive a message of this type, you feel that that person has said those words to you with malicious intent (although they may have simply been wrong). In such a situation, don't fall into the game of feeding that criticism by letting it ruin your day or, worse, the entire week. How to overcome destructive criticism? In Psychology-Online, we answer this question to help you overcome the pain produced by those negative words.
Next, we show you some advice that can help you respond to destructive criticism and face them successfully:
- When a person raises a destructive criticism of you, keep in mind that the reason for the conflict is not in youInstead, the protagonist has projected her envy, anger, or inner conflict onto you. In this way, he has expressed that question without any kind of empathy, sensitivity and respect towards you. You cannot be held responsible for the negative attitude he has had with you. Therefore, he should be the one to reflect and meditate on it.
- What is the habitual mechanism of a person who makes a destructive criticism without reflecting afterwards on his words? The impulse to act from a concept of misunderstood sincerity. He is a person who gives great importance to what he thinks and thinks. He believes that saying everything he thinks, without any kind of filter, is a gesture of honesty.
- When you feel bad because a person has treated you that way, you take that pain to the individual level. However, you ignore that in reality that person behaves like this frequently with others. That is to say, it is about their own way of being. And although the first reaction that is born in you is to get angry, in reality, try respond with indifference without giving more prominence to those who do not deserve it.
- We are all human and we make mistakes. Therefore, we have all been able to make the mistake of expressing a poorly formulated criticism. However, the true cause of conflict in personal relationships arises when you realize that someone's company it hurts you on a mental level because you repeatedly see comments that hurt you.
- When you value the comment that person has told you and you feel that there is nothing truth in that statement or there is nothing that can help you, then, forget that situation as soon as possible. Give yourself maximum time to think about that matter. For example, five minutes. In this way, you allow yourself to express and feel the discomfort, but without letting this fact become a cause for concern that upsets you throughout the day.
- In dealing with destructive criticism, you may develop a desire to be defensive. Try respond with an assertive comment. For example, you can express in a friendly and close tone your disagreement with that statement. Usually, whoever launches a destructive criticism focuses on her own message but does not expect a response in a dialogue tone. Therefore, if you you open the door of dialogue you will have greater criteria to assess whether that person has objective arguments to support their message (even if he was wrong in tone) or, on the contrary, it is a criticism that has nothing to contribute.
- Do not play the psychological game that shows the formula "and you more". Otherwise, those conversations that initiate this dynamic, far from nurturing calm, produce the opposite effect to that desired because personal reproaches are increasing. If at any time you experience a situation of this type, postpone the conversation for another time. If he is a person you trust, you can show him a concrete example of how he could have raised that idea to you in a constructive way. In this way, you help him see how the tone influences the message.
- What do you say to yourself on the plane of thought? For example, if you become obsessed with the idea that this situation is unfair because that person should not treat you that way, you become frustrated because you position yourself in an ideal universe. In real life, you cannot reduce the risk of receiving such a criticism to zero. So try generate alternative thoughts. Sometimes, the most practical thing on an emotional level is not to feed the purpose of wanting to reason why that person has told you those words that have hurt you if in an objective way his message has been hurtful because of his lack of logic. That is, you cannot connect your mind and your heart with the ultimate reasons why that person has acted that way, but you can focus on yourself. And this is a good response mechanism to act in this context. For example, you can define your limits and ask him not to speak to you in that tone again.
- Cry. We cannot pretend to plan our response in every possible situation. Perhaps at some point you have had the experience of not being able to help hold back tears at a comment that has immediately made you feel vulnerable. In that case, don't blame yourself for reacting in this way because tears are a manifestation of your sensitivity. And in this situation, your tears speak for you, but once the crying has subsided, try to verbalize how you have felt.
In the context of social networks, there is the circumstance of people with public profiles who receive destructive criticism from users who comment anonymously. In this type of situation, do not let those words affect you on a mental level because the intention of that person is to criticize for criticizing.
In this case, it is recommended that have a vision of context So that negative comment doesn't overshadow other positive feedback and interactions your posts have received from others. Do not let the fear of these possible criticisms keep you from the possibility of fulfilling personal dreams that you want. For example, create your own blog, create a fashion profile on Instagram or have your YouTube channel.
To overcome destructive criticisms, those raised in person or online, it is recommended that share that situation with friends of your confidence. Talking about it with them will help you to relativize it and forget it as soon as possible.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
