Family is one of the most important pillars of happiness. In fact, having a good relationship with loved ones brings well-being on an individual level. But, in turn, family relationships are also complex in their nuances. Perhaps at some point you have experienced a feeling of rejection towards some people in your close environment. "Why am I ashamed of my family?"; If you are concerned about this issue, in Psychology-Online we share with you the frequent causes of this insecurity that conditions your own level of happiness by giving an excessive influence to the opinion of the rest.
Each situation has its own characteristics, for this reason, it is recommended that you enhance your own introspection to find your own answer. What factors can influence this emotional perception?
Personal insecurity
In many cases, this feeling of shame does not refer to possible deficiencies in the family environment but rather to the own insecurity who projects around him his own fear of not receiving social acceptance. In this way, a person who worries excessively about what others think tends to give excessive importance to the opinion that others may have about their own family.
The protagonist may feel insecure when going with his family to a social event because he is distressed by that first impression that his family may make on others.
In this type of situation, when the feeling of shame arises from their own insecurity, the person also suffers a constant inner struggle between an ideal concept of family built in his mind, and reality itself. The protagonist can idealize the family environment of someone close and compare his own family from a position of inferiority in relation to some qualities.
Observe the flaws and negatives
When a person constantly focuses on the weak points of his loved ones, he ends up developing a feeling of rejection towards those people who do not meet their own expectations. In reality, the conflict resides in the fact that the protagonist does not accept his family as it is, and wants to change some of his behaviors. The feeling of shame is a direct consequence of that lack of unconditional acceptance. In this other article we tell you why do you feel rejection towards your mother.
When a child looks at his parents and close relatives, he truly admires them. Observe his familiar reality from a prism of absolute perfection. However, within the process of maturity, the adult experiences a break with that previous image and observes those parents whom he had previously idealized from a more human plane. Know her flaws. Those children who do not accept this fact and expect constant perfection may feel ashamed when they observe their family from their own prejudices.
They keep treating you like a child
This is a possible situation. You love your family very much, in turn, you also feel loved by them, however, in many moments you miss that respect your own space and that they understand that you have your own life. That is, you feel that you are childish and this makes you feel ridiculous when those overprotective gestures occur in public.
At that moment, you feel ashamed, simply because you are treated like a child even though you are already an adult. And you consider that this situation is totally out of context because as an adult you aspire to a peer-to-peer bond.
Natural process of adolescence
Adolescence shows a new reality personal of the young man who, from his position, feels more identified with his group of friends who give him the value of belonging, than with his family. In this way, the adolescent can feel ashamed in everyday situations that in childhood he lived completely naturally. For example, if parents come looking for him after school, he may not react with the same joy as before.
This feeling is totally natural since the adolescent is in a moment of his life in which he is forming his own identity, and therefore, he is looking for his own place in the world. At this stage, it is common for young people to prefer leisure plans with friends, and participate in fewer family activities. In this stage, parents represent that authority figure that establishes limits and norms to their own personal desires.
Adolescence is one of the stages of life in which young people are most vulnerable to social stereotypes and group opinion. For this reason, they are not only concerned with their own image, but also the image that their family offers to their immediate environment.
There is an important nuance in any of the cases described above. Generally, a person who is ashamed of her family suffers this feeling in the public sphere, not in the private sphere.
The feeling of shame is painful because most of the time, people feel guilty about it. How to overcome this situation?
- Observe everything your family has done for you. Do a mental review of the most important moments of your life and see how many of your loved ones have always been there. Beyond their personal flaws or shortcomings, they have shown you what is most important. When you weigh the truly significant value of the family, possible secondary aspects take a back seat.
- You have your own identity and value apart from your family. When a person is ashamed of his family he struggles to show that he is different from the other members of the system. However, you do not have to try so hard to show that you are different since, by your own personality, you are naturally different.
- You can't be liked by everyone Nor can your family always please everyone. Try to free yourself from the bondage of the constant search for acceptance. Try to be free about this fact to understand that those people who really appreciate you, value your family beyond flaws or first impressions.
- When you are ashamed of your family, you are also ashamed of a very important part of yourself. Try to invest the time you waste with this feeling of insecurity, in fostering the bond with your loved ones through common activities. In this way, you give yourself the opportunity to build new memories.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
