Why am I NOT SUPPORTING PEOPLE and what to do?

In recent times, with the pandemic and confinement, we have spent a lot of time alone or with the people we live with and our social life has been reduced. This has caused that many people, today, do not want to be so much with their friends or with their partner. They have become more lonely. Maybe it has happened to you or maybe it happened before and you feel that you do not fit in any place or that always some behaviors of others irritate you and that you are more comfortable at home reading a book, playing a video game or watching some movie. It may even be that seeing a lot of people together saturates you and that you prefer to meet people individually than to meet in large groups. What does it mean in psychology not to put up with people? To what extent is it normal to isolate oneself? What to do when you do not want to interact with anyone?

Keep reading Psychology-Online to discover what are the differences between being asocial and antisocial, why can't you stand peopleand the solutions that you can start up.

Index

1. Differences between being antisocial and being asocial
2. Why can't you stand people?
3. What can you do?

Surely, if you are usually alone and you don't like spending a lot of time with other people, they have come to call you antisocial. However, this term is not appropriate.

Antisocial, or antisocial personality disorderIt is a psychological disorder in which the individual goes against society. For it, hurts to objects, animals or people. This group would include thieves, arsonists, violent people ...

On the other hand, we find the asocial people. Are those that they prefer solitude to the company. In this case, it is not intended to harm society, but neither does it want to be part of it and integrate. In this article you can see traits and characteristics of an asocial person.

If we realize it, the difference between both terms lies in the prefix, anti- being the equivalent of "going against something", and a- being the equivalent of "sin".

Why do I isolate myself so much from people? How does psychology explain that I do not support anyone and that I am not interested in anyone? There are multiple causes that can explain your asocial behavior. The most general are:

Temperament

In the first place, we would find biology, that is, make it your way of being from birth, in the same way that you are brown, blonde or red-haired.

Personality

On the other hand we would have the environmental causes. Within these we would find two main types:

• The way your parents raised you. The first is the most difficult to detect. It would be about attachment relationships. If from our childhood we have been neglected, for example, we have created an avoidant attachment in which we do not we dare to strengthen ties for fear of being hurt, although many times this fear is unconscious.
• Possible trauma or shocking life experiences. The second is the easiest to detect: if a person has suffered bullying throughout their childhood or has lived constantly moves and has never been able to maintain friendships in a stable way, it is likely that in the future it will be more difficult to do it.

Stiffness and frustration

Another possible cause that is halfway between the two groups that we have just mentioned is our irrational ideas. Depending on the parenting style of our parents and our later life experiences, we can generate a wrong idea of ​​the world. It is very common that we believe that others should feel and behave as we do, without stopping to think that each person has their way of being. That is why we generate expectations, they are never met, so you end up thinking that your partner does not love you. because he doesn't like to write letters, or that you can't stand certain people because they are so scandalous.

Physical or psychological discomfort

When you are not feeling well, either because something hurts or because you have anxiety, for example, you are much more irritable. You will have noticed that in periods of stress, you are more sensitive and susceptible, that you get angry more easily and that you are more irritable. If this lasts over time, it may be due to a anxiety disorder or to chronic stress. When everything bothers you and you can't stand people, if you feel like you can't put up with anyone and that you can't even stand yourself, check your stress levels.

Shyness or poor social skills

Being shy or shy or not having enough skills to function properly in social situations can also lead you not wanting to talk to anyone and not wanting to interact with people. Above all, if you have a passive communication style, you are likely toand you are not able to express your opinions and your wishes and that you end up doing what others want. As a consequence, we have discomfort and frustration that cause the irritability and the lack of interest in social relationships.

What can you do in the face of irritability and lack of interest in people? Depending on the cause, we would obtain the solution. Although the biological part seems impossible to solve, we must know that with some effort we can alleviate it. That is, you will continue to have a base where you are a person who does not like crowds, but you can learn to be a little more social.

• Identify the fears. Regarding your attachment, it is surely an avoidant attachment. This attachment, as we have mentioned, is due to a fear of being hurt. It is important to realize that the hits you put on others are barriers to not allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
• Have more flexibility. We all have flaws and we cannot be left alone for not finding the perfect person. This goes hand in hand with the expectations discussed in the previous section. All of this is a set of irrational ideas that must be tried to change.
• Listen to the thoughts. To do this, first write down all these thoughts that you notice: "they are going to hurt me", "I can't stand people who feel this way", "I don't want noisy people in my life" ...
• Change thoughts. Try to turn them around: "They don't have to hurt me so I'm going to enjoy the moment and if they hurt me later I'll worry", "I don't like how it feels but it always makes me laugh so I'm going to give it a try "," they don't make so much noise, the only thing in my house they never allowed me to make any kind of noise as a child and now I think everything else noisy".
• Manage stress. As we have seen, stress and frustration can be a cause of you not tolerating anything and not supporting anyone. Therefore, it is recommended that you learn some techniques for managing stress.
• Learn social skills. Learning assertiveness is vital to building healthy relationships in which you can be yourself and express your opinion, your preferences... Discover activities to work on social skills in adults

Finally, if you have experienced any trauma such as bullying or some kind of public humiliation, you should put in the hands of a professional to be able to work on said trauma by exposing it, in order to overcome said fear.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why can't I stand people and what to do?, we recommend that you enter our category of Clinical psychology.