Emotional manipulator: what is it, traits and how to recognize it

  • Jul 26, 2021
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Emotional manipulator: what is it, traits and how to recognize it

Many people, at work or in the private sphere, live under someone's overwhelming influence, perhaps without being fully aware of it, but show recurrent symptoms: anxiety, fears, feelings of inadequacy, somatizations, unsafety. They often blame their own "excessive" emotionality and sensitivity, while in reality the culprit is the toxic and manipulative person who has taken control of their lives. It can be the colleague, a relative, a friend, an office manager or a colleague who becomes a persecutor who lies, complains, criticizes, humiliates, resorts to moral blackmail and blame. A real vampire who feeds on the energies and emotions of the other and uses it to satisfy his needs.

With this Psychology-Online article we want, in fact, to delve into the subject of emotional manipulator, to discover what it is, its features and characteristics to recognize it.

In psychology, one can speak of a manipulator when a person performs a series of actions with the sole purpose of manipulating another. Namely,

the manipulator induces into the victim needs, desires and behaviors that are not dictated by her true will and values, and it does so by acting on the two main psychological levers of human behavior: guilt and the desire for approval and recognition.

The toxic link that leads the emotional predator to circle its prey until it devours it involves several phases, which revolve around four keywords. Let's see how an emotional manipulator acts:

  1. Manipulation of the victim.
  2. Seduction.
  3. Aggression to self-esteem.
  4. Conditioning (the manipulator progressively induces the victim to convince himself that he is the wrong one, inadequate, useless).

Next, we will see what emotional manipulators are like and how to recognize them in order to avoid your strategy.

How does a manipulator behave? It is not easy to draw the portrait of the emotional abuser that allows to detect and avoid it. To be able to detect these types of people, it is necessary to know well the antomy of an emotional manipulator. By eos, here are both essential features of the emotional manipulator:

  1. Emotional immaturity: maturity of a child from 3 to 6 years old, with an adolescent behavior of character.
  2. 100% egocentric: everything he says or does is determined by his own interest.

Of these basic criteria, common to all perverse narcissists, they derive Other features that serve to detect an emotional manipulator, but that may differ from one individual to another. How to recognize an emotional manipulator. Let's see how to recognize an emotional manipulator:

  • Great vision of himself (megalomania).
  • Sense of omnipotence (megalomania and arrogance).
  • Vital need to control everything.
  • Unique in setting the rules, but they change according to your mood.
  • Urgent need to shine.
  • Mythomania.
  • Willingness to impose one's own vision of things (it has the only truth).
  • Immature behavior
  • Inability to handle frustrations.
  • No consideration of the consequences of his actions.
  • Impulsive.
  • It can present aggressive impulses that are difficult to control and sometimes violent.
  • Paranoid behaviors.
  • Calculator (always has a discrete edge).
  • Try to exist through the other, which only serves to satisfy you.

Here we explain how a manipulator acts when he is discovered.

It can be your companion or companion, your father or your mother, your son; he can be your partner, your owner or a "friend" who loves you very much. He is often extremely friendly, bright, altruistic, shy or, on the contrary, exuberant. The emotional manipulator is everywhere, hidden in the shadow of his "benevolent" smile, and he knows how to make himself indispensable; but he is willing to fall on the prey with the skill of a great predator, to the point that the victim cannot realize that the end is near.
In his book "How Do You Love Me?", Robin Stern identifies and describes three types of emotional manipulators:

The bully

His style is threat / intimidation based on the emotional apocalypse. The latter can be represented by scenarios based on yelling and offending, by threats of abandonment, by aggressive and cutting statements that aim to take advantage of the worst insecurities of the victim and hurting her, of pouting and locking herself in a stubborn and guilty be quiet. The emotional distance and deep disapproval of silence are sometimes worse than the screaming for victims. Some of them take advantage of situations in which the victim cannot contradict (ex. dinners, movies and in general group situations) to throw their headdresses and make everything even more terrible.

The seducer

Hardly recognizable, moreover, at first it may seem decidedly the perfect companion and may deceive also to friends and family: always attentive and friendly, always ready for romantic surprises and proposals spicy The problem is that his proposals and his behavior do not take into account the real needs of the victim, but are limited to satisfying himself. He seems like he takes care of the other's needs, but in reality the actions he chooses are dictated by the desire to meet your expectations, your self-image, and your needs. Not your partner's. These characters at first seem perfect but after a while by their side, one begins to feel "not considered", not heard, in short, completely alone. This particular type of manipulator reacts to protests making the victim feel inadequate and disappointing or even "crazy".

The good boy

This figure also disorients the victim, her family, friends and everyone who knows her, since she presents herself in an impeccable manner: in love, reliable, available and condescending. But the psychological terrorism it carries out is extremely subtle and difficult to identify in the short term. term: it is based on verbally accepting the victim's requests, unless we subsequently adopt a behavior of coldness and little participation or silent disappointment, accompanied by words that deny what is manifestly shown with the facts. It is disconcerting precisely because with words he is collaborative, while with deeds boycotts the interests and wishes of the victim, obviously attributing to her the responsibility.

To see the signs of emotional manipulation more clearly, we will present some examples: 10 signs to know if you are the victim of an emotional manipulator:

  1. You feel a deep malaise that alternates with moments of euphoria.
  2. Each time they isolate themselves more to concentrate only on him.
  3. They are no longer recognized.
  4. They are increasingly stressed, restless, agitated.
  5. They trample on their values ​​too often.
  6. She feels the vital need for his presence and, at the same time, she fears it.
  7. You lose autonomy, you fail and you don't want to make decisions without your opinion.
  8. All his conversations revolve around him.
  9. He is your center, he is everything for you, he is your God.
  10. They need him.

The perverse manipulator, in addition, will alter the following behaviors in order to keep the victim in the fist:

  • Seduction
  • Emotional blackmail
  • Devaluation of the victim
  • Threats
  • Violence

If you are wondering how to beat a manipulator, in the following article we explain how to get out of a situation of emotional manipulation.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Emotional manipulator: what is it, traits and how to recognize it, we recommend that you enter our category of Personality.

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