- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
- Come on, tell me what's wrong with you.
- Nothing's wrong with me.
- I know something has bothered you.
- Really, nothing's wrong with me. - A look of contempt runs over her face.
How many of you does this situation sound like? How many times were we clear that something was happening to her, but she was just acting with indifference, making us the law of silence? Well, I present you a typical passive aggressive behavior. A person who is capable of harming those around him, but in the most subtle and secret ways you can think of.
These people have what is recognized in the DSM-IV as passive-aggressive personality disorder. And, today in this Psychology-Online article, we want you to discover a little more about this disorder, which occupies 16% of the personality disorders diagnosed today.
The passive-aggressive personality disorder is characterized by a pattern of behavior of opposition and passive responses towards those demands that demand adequate performance from the person. It usually has its onset in early adulthood.
Next, I briefly present the symptom that we can observe in a passive aggressive person:
- Passive resistance to yield in the social routine and in the work tasks.
- Complaints of misunderstanding and feeling despised by others.
- Hostility and ease of discussion.
- Criticism and contempt irrational towards authority.
- Signs of envy and resentment toward peers apparently more fortunate than him.
- Open complaints or exaggerated by their bad luck.
- Threat alternation hostile and regret
Cases where to observe passive-aggressive behavior
Next to each symptom related to the disorder, you will find the number to which it corresponds in parentheses:
Vanesa, a 22-year-old girl, who is a university student. She currently feels stuck for not being able to pass the last exams. She resides in the family home with her parents and her two older brothers, outside of her home she has few friends. Vanesa does not know how to say that she does not to the requests that she makes, however she many of the times she does not comply with what is required and complains of the obligation contracted (1). In situations where she perceives that she has not fulfilled her obligation she rages, which brings negative consequences (3), especially in relation to her interpersonal relationships. To express her anger, the young woman acts by taking revenge in a passive and indirect way, such as sabotaging activities (7). The people around her tend not to make requests of her or to count on her, because they know that she will accept, but after her she will not comply with what was proposed and will even hinder the realization of her.
Mar, a 20-year-old college student who lives in an apartment with her boyfriend and a friend of hers. Regarding her intra-family relationships, the young woman refers to having an absent relationship with her father and a bad relationship with her mother as a result of, according to her, both psychological and physical abuse in childhood (4). However, he gets along well with her two younger sisters. With regard to her social relationships, the young woman indicates having problems when it comes to relating. She relates that she currently has problems with her partner and that there has even been flirtation with other people (1). They usually have quite a few couple discussions which, according to him, has diminished his self-esteem and dignity, feeling more irritable and moody (3). As for her partner, she says they have a love-hate relationship, due to the selfish and dictatorial personality of her friend, for which she tends to want to be better than Mar in all aspects (5).
Focusing on her person, she describes herself as someone with little self-confidence and with rapidly changing emotions. Comment that does not feel understood and accepted by others (2) and that their behavior could sometimes be described as that of someone childish. Comment that you usually have avoidance behaviors with the people around you so that, in this way, they cannot make requests that you will not make later (1), and that, therefore, will bring you problems with said people.
Infants are subjects in continuous learning for which the positive acceptance of their superiors (usually parents and teachers) is extremely important. As a consequence of this, those which are characterized by passive-aggressive personality patterns tend to enter into confrontation with themselves, since they want to express anger and the anger they feel, but at the same time they fear punishment and to the disapproval of adults.
For this reason, it is common for children not to express their anger openly, but to act in a secret and devious way so that they cannot reprimand you for your attitude. It is also often seen as those infants who are resentful of their parents tend to have a underperforming on purpose at school, because he knows that this will hurt the pride of his parents.
Infants with passive-aggressive behaviors tend to show extreme reactions And, although they tend to act passively and secretly when they manifest such behaviors, a small number of them can also act quite aggressive
From the point of view of couple relationships, the fact that one of the members exhibits passive aggressive behaviors, will give rise to a great multitude of conflicts. It can be said that this is given by the simple fact that the low self-esteem of this person does not allow him to express himself adequately, so he develops and accumulates feelings of anger and rage.
By not knowing how to express and communicate to their partner the concerns or assumptions that create discomfort in them, what they do is manipulate and passively punish the other person. There are a series of passive actions that are very characteristic of people with passive aggressive behavior in relationships it means:
- Use of silence, or what is known as the "law of ice." The person distances himself from her partner and acts as if she is invisible. Ignoring her needs or requests.
- Lack of cooperation. They choose not to take responsibility for some things, allowing them to enter a zone of "perfection" from where they can criticize the other member of the couple.
- They pretend distraction. They know that making a person feel left out creates a feeling of frustration in them.
- They are the masters of sarcasm. They will not say what is bothering them, but they will use the technique of sarcasm to attack the other person.
- They constantly victimize. With this they try to make believe that nobody understands them and that for this reason they are less cared for and respected by the other member of the couple.
From the point of view of psychology, a series of guidelines or treatments are recommended which can help reduce this passive aggressive behavior. The 4 keys to treating passive aggressive behavior:
- Psychotherapy techniques. From these, the patient will learn to understand what are the causes that generate the anxiety and begin to recognize the reasons why their behavior in front of them is maladaptive.
- Put limits. You have to teach the people around you to confront their wrong attitudes so as not to encourage negative feedback.
- Family therapies They help the passive-aggressive person to understand and learn to properly integrate into society based on positive attitudes.
- In some cases where the person has more serious symptoms or problems, healthcare professionals may be able to recommend the use of antidepressant and anxiolytic drugs.
How to treat a passive-aggressive person? If you have confidence with the person with this disorder or these attitudes, first of all we recommend that you advise him to go to a professional, as it is a rather complicated disorder.
- Tranquility. In moments of anger or negative behavioral attitudes of the person, you have to remain calm. They are people who tend to seek discussion and confrontation, so if we do not enter into these attitudes, it will be easier for them to realize how wrong their behavior is when faced with the determined situation. If you feel that your words and your attitudes affect us, you will have a greater sense of power.
- Without attacking. Create communication environments in which they can feel safe, because if they feel attacked they will react with frustration and anger.
- Question. Even if they are not going to tell it, ask them what is bothering them, because in this way they will feel that their emotions are important to us, as well as their thoughts.
- Try not to challenge them, because as a result of their low self-esteem they are not in a position to get involved in any competition.
- Resources to relax the environment. If the person has created a tense situation between the two, use humor and unimportant talk to break that ice.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Passive aggressive behavior: what it is, examples and treatment, we recommend that you enter our category of Personality.
