An issue regarding the couple is especially controversial due to the debate it generates: fantasizing about a third person despite the fact of having a partner. It is more common than you might think, perhaps because many people who fantasize about a third party do not admit it, even lie about it. Thus, the controversy is served: why do I think of another person if I have a partner? Why when making love do I think of another person? Is it okay to fantasize sexually about another person while you are having relationships with your partner? In Psychology-Online we reflect on this.
Belgian psychotherapist Perel points out a powerful paradox that occurs in relationships: on the one hand, we all share the fundamental need for security and stability, which pushes us to commit ourselves in a relationship and with a person; for the other, we wish adventure and novelty, which guides us in the opposite direction. Thus, today, we expect the same person to give us risk and security, mystery and familiarity, novelty and stability.
Faced with this crossroads, it is important for each member of the couple to become aware that no person will fully satisfy all the needs you have, whether sexual or any other kind. Likewise, it is crucial to assimilate the notion that each of the parts that make up the relationship is an individual person with their own attitudes, values and thoughts. And that includes, sometimes, fantasize about third parties.
Thus, finding other attractive people is normal even being in love with your partner, as long as it happens sporadically. If it is something recurrent or you allow yourself to be carried away by these fantasies, it could be indicating that something within the couple is not going well.
We can affirm, almost without fear of being wrong, that no man or woman wants that in the middle of an intimate moment, his partner is imagining himself with another or another. After many years of relationship, it may be normal that at some point, by chance, one or the members of the couple may fantasize about other people. However, it is not healthy to have this fantasy while you are in the act with your partner on a regular basis.
If at any specific moment, while you were having intimate relationships with your partner, you have had any thought or fantasy related to another person, you should not be alarmed, horrified or feel guilty. On the other hand, if you have fantasies with another person or people on a regular basis while you are with your partner, it is time for you to start asking yourself what is happening in your relationship. In the following article you will find how to detect if a relationship is going bad.
A possible explanation for thinking about another person when making love would be boredom and lack of vitality, so that you could be using these types of fantasies to escape the monotony and enliven your relationship. Or maybe you are not having satisfactory sex and you feel that certain needs important to you are not being met. There may be lack of passion in the couple. However, to elucidate the specific aspects in your relationship and know what to do about it, going to a psychologist is always a good option.
Either way, it is not advisable to give yourself the green light to habitually fantasize about another person, since This could be indicative of some problem that would be necessary to work to find a solution.
Many times, facing the feelings that are latent under our behaviors helps us to perceive our motivations with greater clarity, responsible for us to act in the way in which we we make.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
