When you are a single parent - whether due to a divorce, the loss of your spouse, etc... trying to come to terms with your new family situation can be an overwhelming reality. While parenting is an incredible joy, there are times when it's just a matter of survival.
In this Psychology-Online article we show you some tips for single parents that can help you raise your son or daughter and maintain your mental and emotional stability.
In some cases a single parent has to take care of his children, pick them up, feed them, take them to school, etc. Also, you have to do housework and work, and after all that, when you get home at the end of the day you are still the only responsible adult there.
There is no one to relieve you, no one to pass the baton to while you shower or take a few minutes to yourself. You make dinner and gather the family around the table to eat. You play with them, you read to them, you give them baths, you take them to bed and there is no one to sit with and process your day. There is no one there to laugh or talk with you. Instead, you keep working, go back to cleaning the house, prepare food for the next day, and finally go to bed, knowing that you will do the same tomorrow. For many, this is their day to day.
Here are some tips for single parents to help you keep going:
Take care
Something that is fundamental when we are responsible for the care of other people is self-care. In order to be good caregivers of others, in this case of our own children, we first have to be well ourselves. This advice is based on the preventive psychology, There are therapists who use the metaphor of the safety explanations of an airplane in which it is indicated that before helping other people you must first put your mask on. Self-care for each person means different things, from a time when you can mourn the loss of your marriage to playing sports, etc.
Take your time to cry and help your children do the same
Sometimes if we don't give ourselves a chance to cry, we try really hard to appear certain. normalcy, we do too many things, and eventually we burn out being of no help to our children. So take your time to cry and go through the duel, whether for the loss of a marriage, the loss of a spouse... another way of expressing and externalize feelings It is by writing them, sometimes it helps us to unburden ourselves, if your children are old enough to write you can do it together. Finding ways to express grief, even if it means seeking counseling, is the first step in moving forward as a healthy family.
Make sure your kids know it's not their fault
Let enjoy your childhood as children, both in the case of death and divorce or abandonment of the parent, it is important to tell your child that it is not their fault, since they tend to blame themselves immediately and they need to know that that is not his burden. In addition, you must remind them that you are there to take care of it.
Something important to keep in mind is that your child is not your confidante, they are not adults. You should not vent to him about serious matters because he is a boy.
Studies have found that children from single parent families they had twice the incidence of psychiatric illness, suicide attempts, and alcohol abuse problems compared to those in two-parent homes. Other studies have shown that children who live with single parents have lower self-esteem.
What factors tend to trigger these psychological problems?
The divorce it is still a common reason why a parent ends up single. It is not unusual for children to be exposed, or even involved, in the conflict that occurs between parents before, during, and after a breakup. Some parents may pressure their children to choose sides, which can make them feel guilty or abandoned.
Another risk factor is the lack of family stability. Single parents are more likely to move or experience other disruptions that can affect children. A parent can remarry, for example, or live with other couples. Children thrive on stability. Uncertainty and emotional confusion can increase the possibility of psychological problems.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
