How to TELL someone you DON'T like it

Assertiveness is a social skill that allows us to express our feelings and needs while being careful not to hurt or offend the other. This ability protects us from our own rights and in turn, allows us to respect the rights of others.

Who has not found themselves in the situation of having to say no to someone and has not known how to do it. How do you tell someone you don't like him? It is an uncomfortable situation and it may be difficult for you. Therefore, from Psychology-Online, we want to offer 20 assertive ways to tell that person: I don't like you.

Index

1. How to politely decline a date
2. How to tell someone you don't like by message
3. Ways to say no politely

Here is a series of techniques that will allow us to decline an appointment and look good.

Sandwich Technique

When we use this technique what we do is give a positive message before and after expressing our rejection of the proposed request. The effect of the sandwich technique is that rejection is more bearable for those who receive it, since we also activate the positive feelings of the other.

• A example It would be: "Thank you for the proposal to go for a drink, lately I have been very busy with work and I have little time, but I appreciate that you have thought of me."

Broken record technique

This technique can be used when it is not the first time that we must reject an appointment with that person. It is that in an assertive way, we continue to express our refusal without giving in to the insistence of the other person and keeping our response firm.

• A example It would be: ¨I appreciate your invitation, but, as I told you before, I think that going out to dinner with you is not a good idea, please don't insist any more ”.

Technique for processing change

This technique tries to shift the focus of attention to what is happening, as if we were looking at the conversation as an external observer. It can also be useful in the case that the person is insisting too much on being.

• A example It would be: "You've been insisting for several weeks, I already told you no, please don't keep telling me to stay."

Propose alternatives

In the event that the rejection of the appointment is only something specific, that is, we want to decline a proposal but we think that there are other options, we can look for and propose alternatives.

• For example: ¨I'm very sorry, this time I already have other plans but how are you going to be one day next week?

Fog bank

The fog bank is a technique that consists of expressing a partial agreement without changing our decision, that is, our refusal. It is a very useful technique when we can perceive that our interlocutor may have a negative reaction to rejection. The person asks you to go to the movies on a Friday afternoon and you don't feel like it; it is about expressing approval on the proposed plan but declining it.

• For example: ¨It is possible that going to the movies on Friday is a great plan but usually I end up very tired from the whole week, so I prefer to stay at home, but I appreciate it¨ As we can see, we agree that it can be a great plan but we remain firm in the decision.

Value the effort

For many people, making an appointment with another is an effort, for this it is good that we recognize it even though our answer is negative.

• For example: ¨I appreciate very much that you have asked me to go to dinner… even so, I think it is better not to take any further steps¨.

In the following article we explain more techniques to develop assertiveness.

If we see that the other person was not what we expected and we have to communicate it, we must try to do so empathic way so that that person does not feel the rejection in a "harsh" way, but at the same time that the message is Sure. Below is a list of possible messages to send:

• I think you are a great person but I have realized that we don't quite fit, I think it would be better for both of us to stop talking.
• You seem like a very interesting person to me, but I am at a point in my life where I have realized that I need time for myself.
• I'd rather stop talking, I think you and I don't quite fit in and I don't want to waste time to nobody. I hope you understand.
• I realized that we do not seek the same, and I think the best thing for both of us will be that we leave things here, you deserve someone who valued you.
• It may be that lately you have noticed me more distant, I have been thinking and I am not sure that I see a future in ours, I prefer to leave it here before it goes to more.
• I thought I was at a point in my life where I could meet someone, I have realized that not. So sorry.
• I liked the time we have shared talking, I think you are a very nice person but I think I see you more as a friendship than as a couple. I don't know if the same thing happens to you too.
• I don't want you to take anything wrong with what I'm going to tell you now, but lately I don't feel the same connection that I felt with you at the beginning and I can't find ways to recover it, I don't want to waste your time, since I think You are a person who is worth a lot and you deserve someone who will show you day by day, I cannot offer you this today. I am sorry.

Depending on how the person behind the phone reacts, we can use the technique of:

Find the matches

It is about finding if you coincide with any of the opinions that the other person has given you, emphasizing these but staying firm with your opinion.

• A example It would be: "I understand that this message could have made you feel bad and you are right that perhaps I could have used another means, sorry, I have not found a better way to communicate it to you.

In this article you will find more assertiveness examples.

We have all found it uncomfortable to have to say no at some point, for this, below are a series of ways to give negative in a polite way.

to thank

Despite saying no to the proposal made, it can be good to thank the other person for the gesture, if you appreciate it, everything works out better.

• For example: "I really appreciate your proposal, but today I have another commitment to attend to."

Try not to make excuses

It has happened to all of us that we have clearly seen how they gave us an excuse to say no, and the truth is that on many occasions you think: it is better if he tells me the truth. It is also true that sometimes we are not prepared to face the truth.

The key so that the person does not take the negative without excuses wrong lies in the smile and the look in the eyes of the person will allow you to maintain the proper composure for the situation. Sometimes it is easier not to make excuses and to be more direct via telematics. You can first do it by mail or WhtasApp and later in person.

Include emotions

Adding emotionally connoted words like "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry" makes the denial easier for the other person to fit in. If in addition to the emotional touch we also add a "lot", it is even easier to decline the proposal without looking bad.

• For example: "Thank you very much for your proposal, I am very sorry not to be able to attend."

Elemental assertiveness

It's about giving an answer short, simple and concise about our position, giving a small explanation of why our answer is negative.

Recognize and express positive intention

It is about detecting and breading with the positive intention of the person and expressing it.

• A example It would be: "I know you have proposed it to me because the times we have been together we have had a good time." That way, when the refusal comes later, it will be easier to accept.

Here you will find more information about how to say "no" without offending.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to How to tell someone you don't like, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.

• Castanyer, O., Cañizares, O. (2017). I will be assertive. Spain: Connect.
• Horse, V. AND. (1983). Assertiveness: definitions and dimensions. Psychology Studies, 4 (13), 51-62.