The first dates always produce a number of emotions. We are very nervous and anxious for everything to be perfect and as a result of that, when it comes to organizing ourselves, our mind goes blank or we become extremely insecure when deciding. We do not know where to go, what to talk about, if it is right or wrong to do certain things and internal questions invade us.
In Psychology-Online, we know that in those moments we would love to have a guideline of ideas that helps us think clearly and decide well to feel safe. That is why in this article we will talk about what to do on the first date to conquer: plans, talking points and tips.
The first thing to decide is where we are going to meet and that will depend in part on the interest that the other person generates. Probably, if you are meeting someone through an application and you just want to get out of the doubt, the most common is date in a cafe or a bar, but when we talk about a person that interests you, you will undoubtedly want to mark one difference.
First, it is important to be clear that the first date is to meet and therefore we recommend you look for a place where you can have a moment of connection and conversation. If they are only doing one activity and there is no space to chat, connect and get to know each other, a first approach and if the physical and chemical attraction is not very very intense, it will be difficult to meet again repeat. Whatever your situation, for the first meeting we propose these ideas:
A different plan
It comes out of the usual. If you are meeting someone through an application, you have to take into consideration that that person does not know anything about you and has never seen you other than by photo and that is knowing other people. So if you invite him to a cafeteria or bar you will be one more invitation, therefore, I advise you to go to a place that is out of the ordinary. If it is a person you already know and you want to impress her, all the more reason I advise you to try something different and unusual.
Have that coffee in a park, buy a coffee to go and drink it while you are getting to know the city, look for a picturesque and different place. Any small change will generate a connection in case, there is already something different between you and the rest of their outings, and that will make you special in their eyes. In addition, every time we break the routine, we dispose ourselves in a different way to things. Going to a new and different place will be an experience that both of you will remember and that will color that memory of a positive feeling that also during the appointment will favor the openness to enjoy, relax and laugh. Some examples of different plans are:
- Picnic or coffee in the park.
- Tour the city together.
- Attend a guided tour around the city, there will always be new places to visit or one of the two is the guide and shows the other its favorite places.
Play with the senses
The initial attraction comes through the sight. But the more sensitive stimuli we have, the more attracted we are going to feel towards the other person. Make yourself handsome, put on perfume and look for places that stimulate the senses: sight, ears, smell, touch and taste. The more novelty, the better the association that will be etched in your mind from that memory. Some unusual ideas that stimulate the senses:
- Gastronomic experiences, such as tastings or tastings.
- Molecular cocktails.
Bars with live music
Show dance or theater
A dance class
Ask their preferences
Be innovative, but cautious at the same time. You are getting to know the other person and the idea is that both or both of you feel comfortable. Before proposing any idea, and prior to the appointment, ask and do a little test of the interests of the other person and base your decision considering the interests of both.
Fun ideas
Live a moment full of laughter that will stimulate dopamine at the cerebral level which will make the experience pleasant and relaxing for both of you. Some fun ideas for a first date:
- A monologue.
- Comedy in cinema.
- Theme park.
A first date in which you can share common interests is a very good idea to break the ice and generate an immediate connection. They are shared experiences that will facilitate the topic of later conversation and will make the conversation flow and can be known based on their interests. If you are both super active people, passionate about cooking or fascinated by art, you can find an ideal plan to share. Here are some ideas of places to go on a first date based on your interests:
- Go to a sporting event.
- Play a sport together.
- Go to a cooking class together.
- Go to an art fair, museum exhibition, photography, etc..
- Bike ride.
- Go on a field trip together.
In this article we talk about how to calm your nerves before a first date.
Another point that worries us when having a first date and overwhelms us greatly is being able to generate a good conversation, that makes the other interested in us, have a good time and then want to repeat the appointment. We all want to create a special connection and an interesting, fluid and stimulating conversation. But how can we make that happen? What do we need to achieve it?
First, it is important to clarify that being a "good talker" is a skill that can be exercised and worked on. There are people very capable of seducing anyone, since they achieve a connection and good conversation with anyone. What do we have to take into account to achieve that?
Topics to talk about on the first date
Let's look at talking points for the first date:
- Our passions and hobbies. Talking about what moves us, we like, we are passionate about and makes us vibrate in life generates an impressive initial opening. It relaxes us and makes us feel at ease immediately. In addition, it is extremely attractive to see someone else talk about what they are passionate about and many points in common with the other person can be found here.
- How we met. Initially, talking about how we met is opening an easy conversation for both of us and that can help things start to flow more easily. Talk about what the experience was, what we felt, believed or thought. We can even expose our past fears and insecurities, to talk about what is difficult for us. speak from the beginning generating a rapprochement with the other that opens the channel of trust of righ now.
- Short and long term goals. Asking the other what he wants in life, how he imagines himself in a few more years, who he would like to be and what he would like to have, gives us a lot of information about the other. He brings us closer. It helps us to know him deeply and to know what situation he is in and what he expects from life, from us at that moment and from a possible future relationship.
- What we like about the other. At the end of the appointment, it is always good to reinforce the good. Show the other what we liked about him, what we liked that he did for us, what new we discovered and what amazed us. This reinforces the other, makes him feel comfortable and safe and helps us to generate more connection. In addition to also showing him the way of what we like, in case the appointment is repeated again and he wants to seduce us, he already knows how.
Here you will find more information about How to start a conversation with a person you like.
Attitudes during conversation
Some important tips. What do we have to take into account during the first appointment?
- Listen more than talk. Something very important when having a good conversation is trying to listen to the other and not just listen to respond. Give him a space to be who he is, free and without prejudice and so that we can really know him. In addition to providing us with a lot of information, it helps the other to relax and feel very comfortable with us.
- Use a sense of humor. Generate a relaxed atmosphere where we laugh freely, funny things, ourselves, what happens around us. Laughter increases dopamine in our brain, relaxes us and makes us happier, it is certainly a good tool to use on our first date.
- Look each other in the eye when you speak, show him that you are attentive to him-her and what he says. We want him to know that you are interested in hearing from him.
- A fluent conversation. When I speak of a fluid conversation, I mean that the conversation continues and we go through different topics of conversation. Of those conversations that we know where they start but not where they end. Because they trap us and lead us to open up and learn about things that we didn't even expect to know. To generate this, listen to the other, pay attention to what he says and avoid monopolizing the conversation or making an interrogation.
Questions to ask on the first date
What questions can we ask to connect on the first date?
- What are you most passionate about in life? What are your hobbies? What could you do without getting paid for it? When was the last time you couldn't sleep how excited and excited you were about something? What was that something? What topics could you spend all day talking about?
- What is the most important thing that has happened to you in life? What is the cutest thing they have said to you? What are you proud of so far? What do you think you need to achieve to feel satisfied with yourself?
- What's the last thing you did that made you proud of yourself? What's the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you lately?
- What was it that caught your attention about me and why did you want to stay? What was the worst thing that happened to you on a date, and the best thing? What would your ideal date be, what would it have and what would it not have?
- What do you appreciate most about your best friend? What would your friends say about you?
- What are your short-term and long-term plans? What would you like to achieve in life? What do you need of that? How do you imagine yourself in 5 more years?
It is not necessary to ask all the questions. The idea is that you do the one that interests you the most and with the one that you feel most comfortable with and the conversation will flow by itself. If that doesn't happen, here you have several questions to get out of the way and keep getting to know the other. Here you can see +100 questions to meet someone you like.
An extremely common question is how far we should go when dating someone for the first time and what is recommended and the truth is that this issue is very subjective and depends on many, many factors.
Is having sex on the first date or kissing on the first date okay? In my opinion, you should always do what your heart dictates and listen to yourself at all times. There are times when we connect with someone in an impressive way and we don't do things because we think we shouldn't, that it's too early, that it's bad strategy, etc., and then we regret it. Other times, we follow what we think the other wants or should do and it turns out to be a tremendous saboteur that freezes things and puts obstacles that sometimes prevent us from moving forward and things flowing freely.
How long is it recommended to wait to kiss or sleep with someone? This depends on many factors:
- What do we want. Do we want to see what happens, do we want a fleeting encounter, do we want a couple relationship, do we want to get to know the other before deciding what we want? Before deciding anything, it is important to ask ourselves what we want, in order to act in accordance with our wishes and interests and not sabotage ourselves. The idea is not to feel guilty or sorry afterward.
- How we work. The importance of knowing how we are after having sex or kissing someone is also extremely important. There are people who can very clearly divide the sex of love and others who feel in love, lost, confused or empty, after having a sexual relationship. You can only identify this by looking back and seeing how you behave in each case and what makes you feel more comfortable and more uncomfortable. The idea, as we said before, is not to repent, or to sabotage ourselves.
- Desire is not everything. It depends on what we want, but if we just let ourselves be carried away by desire, we put a lot of things aside. As I said before, it all depends on what we are looking for, but if you are looking to really meet someone, have sex with It may immediately lead you or lead you to become a bit confused and hinder or block the process of meeting others aspects. There is no recipe for being a couple, nor just one way of relating. Usually, both men and women, we are more attracted to what is difficult to achieve. Desire and attraction increase as we delay things a bit. We also leave space for fantasy and for more and more sexual desire and tension to be generated.
- What we expect and what we really want. Whether or not we talk about kissing on the first date may also depend on our intention and what being with the other person generates for us. A kiss allows us to identify how much chemistry we have with the other, it shows interest and desire for the other, it is an indicator that there is mutual attraction. But if the other does not finish convincing us, if we do not feel comfortable or safe or if we simply do not want to kiss the other person, we do not have to do it.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
