Although it sounds ironic, the beginning to receive love and closeness can be truly terrifying for some people. There is a fear of falling in love and maintaining intimate relationships, which, in the most severe cases, can cause symptoms physical such as tachycardia, nausea, sweating, dizziness and even the person suffering from it may experience attacks of panic. Sounds incredible doesn't it?
In this Psychology-Online article we will see what is the fear of falling in love, its signs, causes and treatments. We will delve into where this fear of love comes from, what are the characteristics of the people who are afraid of love, what are the consequences of suffering it, as well as some tips to get over it.
How do you know if a person is afraid of love? Be afraid of love It is usually more common than it seems and although most people like to be loved and offer love, there are others who simply reject and evade it. This extreme fear of falling in love or love is called philophobia. In reality, it is not that the person does not want to feel loved, because deep down it is what they most want, but the desire they feel is equivalent to their fear of suffering and being hurt.
On many occasions, this curious phobia is generated because the person has lived a traumatic past experience, such as a bad relationship in which you were betrayed, abused and / or used, so it creates an emotional barrier that does not allow you to let yourself live and experience the pleasure of love.
When a person is afraid of falling in love, they tend to adopt a series of typical behaviors. Some of them are the following:
- When they notice that the relationship with a person is getting closer and closer, they inevitably begin to get away from her, to evade it, they stop frequenting it and are indifferent towards that person.
- Another of the signs that people give you when they are afraid of falling in love is that they fall in love with impossible people to convince themselves that they really do want to love someone, but that for one reason or another it is impossible for them to start a relationship.
- When they are meeting a person, from the beginning they find defects (whether real or not) and focus solely on them.
- They establish relationships with people who are not related with them and in this way they end up confirming that love is not for them.
- Tend to create conflict with the partner in order for the other person to decide to leave the relationship.
- They do not give the time to get to know a person, with which they usually make excuses such as that they are very busy with work, they like to spend more time with friends, they are not interested in meeting someone, etc.
People with philophobia or fear of love, they really want to have that closer bond, as well as to give and receive love. However, when they realize that this is about to happen and that they are beginning to feel something for that person, in then they begin to experience anxiety and negative thoughts assail them, which can even lead them to have certain physical reactions, like the following:
- Anxiety
- Sweating
- Stomach ache
- Tachycardia
- Dizziness
- Panic attacks
Denying the opportunity to love may bring some consequences for growth and emotional development of the person. Among them is missing the opportunity to have a new life experience, since even if it is positive or negative, one learns from all experiences.
Another negative issue about rejecting love is that it encourages the person to isolates himself more and more of others. You lose the opportunity to have trusted people by your side that you can count on when you need it most, you lose over time the ability to share, not only as a couple but also in other types of intimate relationships such as friendship.
On the other hand, finding ourselves in one or more relationships helps us increase our emotional maturity.
If you are a person who constantly asks "why am I afraid of falling in love" and you are reading this article, it is because you surely want to stop feeling it. Probably deep down you would like to start having a relationship but you have not dared to take the decisive step to do it or it could be that you are in a relationship right now and are afraid to let yourself go and start experiencing the love. That is why we have prepared a series of tips that, if you put them into practice, will help you begin to overcome that fear. We are going to see 5 recommendations to overcome the fear of falling in love:
1. Recognize that you are afraid of love
This is the most important and often the most difficult step to begin to overcome this fear. You have to dare not only to recognize that you are afraid to love and to receive love, but also that just as you fear it, you desire it. Deep down you want to be loved and accepted by another person, but you are so afraid that even you can make yourself believe that it is not like that. Dare to take this step because that way you will start to feel better about yourself by being honest, which does not make you weaker but quite the opposite.
2. Identify your defense mechanisms
Defense mechanisms are what you put yourself to protect yourself and in this case avoid all types of contact with another person that may imply greater closeness and intimacy. For example, one of the defense mechanisms that people who are afraid of falling in love use, is to tell themselves and others others that they are not interested in having a relationship, that they are very well without a partner or that they do not want to complicate their life that they are more than happy. Another could be that every time they meet someone new, they begin to see their flaws and they hide behind them to stop dating that person.
Also, as we saw previously, there are people who get into a relationship but who are already in it, they do everything possible. so that you end up failing or those who spend too much time at work or with friends and “can't find” the time to go out with somebody. Identify the defense mechanism that you use the most to avoid intimacy and closeness. Think of some specific situations and analyze them so that you can help yourself to identify it.
3. Modify your behavior and thoughts
After you have identified your defense mechanisms that you use most frequently, make an effort to modify those thoughts or behaviors that do not allow you to give yourself the opportunity to let yourself be felt and change them for others more constructive. For example, if the defense mechanism you use the most is to find fault with the people you date, you can change your strategy and focus more on their strengths.
As well as saying to yourself more realistic things such as: "people are not known so quickly", " we all have flaws and virtues ”,“ nobody is perfect ”,“ I can't judge someone just by knowing them ”, and so on. Another case may be, for example, if you spend a lot of time with your friends and work and don't take time to meet someone, you can start to better organize your time and give priority to people with whom you can have a possible relationship.
4. Focus on the present moment
Remember that all fears are generated by situations that are not happening in the present moment since are concerns about the future. That intense fear that you have is caused by your own thoughts about what may or may not happen. Think that at this moment nothing is happening and surely the moment you start dating someone either, stop focusing on what you think is going to happen. Nobody really knows what will happen in the future, learn to live life moment after moment because only then will you be able to savor it and enjoy it to the fullest.
To do this, you can go into the practice of mindfulness.
5. Give yourself a chance to try
Allow yourself to experiment and dare to live a feeling as pleasant as love. Think that if things turn out good or bad with that person, in the end what matters is having lived it, having gained another experience for your life. Do not stop giving yourself the opportunity to share with another person, to love and feel loved, you cannot deprive yourself of one of the most extraordinary sensations that exist.
Last but not least, mention that in case your fear of falling in love is so intense and you have the feeling that it can be more than you or that you would simply like to receive external help in order to get over it. Do not forget that psychotherapy can be supportive and effective in overcoming all types of phobias and will also help you increase and improve your quality of life.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Fear of falling in love: signs, causes and treatment, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.
