Jealousy is present in many different areas, from work to friends or acquaintances, but it is especially prevalent in relationships. However, they tend to be harmful, as they lead to the development of quite negative dynamics for the relationship. This jealousy has different causes, that is, they do not just happen, there are different reasons why they arise.
Is jealousy good or bad in a relationship? In Psychology-Online we want to solve this doubt. Today we will tell you where jealousy can come from in a relationship, trying to understand a little better why that jealousy. In addition, we will try to show you possible ways to face and treat jealousy, as it is something that usually has a solution, although it is not always easy.
Index
- Is it normal to feel jealous? Where does jealousy come from?
- Jealousy in your partner is good or bad
- Consequences of jealousy in a relationship
- What solutions are there for jealousy?
Is it normal to feel jealous? Where does jealousy come from?
To know the specific origin of each person's jealousy, it is necessary to know a little about each one. However, there are two fundamental causes that explain why a person is jealous. We talk about: lack of confidence and unsafety.
These two factors apply to many areas and do so in different ways and with different intensity. In this way, a person can be jealous due to a lack of selfesteem, which translates into a lack of confidence towards oneself, which generates insecurity about one's own abilities and personal worth. It may also be because not able to trust others or even by lack of social skills, which prevents them from being able to deal with these insecurities by transmitting them to those who can help them solve the problem.
On the other hand, we find fears, the cause of many attacks of jealousy and zealoty. Among the most common are the fear of loss, the fear of not being able to find someone as good as the current partner or fear of failure. These fears are usually compounded by the insecurities mentioned above.
Jealousy in a partner is good or bad.
Experts differentiate between two types of jealousy, on the one hand there would be reactive jealousy, which are based on real and verifiable facts, such as a recognized infidelity, while psychological jealousy has no real basis.
In this case, reactive jealousy is a natural defense mechanism, biologically explained by the need to count on the fidelity of a couple to ensure survival, especially of the offspring, referring to the entire animal world (in which the human being has to be included biologically talking). While psychological jealousy does not provide any benefit in terms of the biological efficacy of a species.
In this way, psychological jealousy, which are the ones that are usually referred to when talking about jealousy in couples, they are not beneficial. This is so since they are based on a feeling of mistrust in the partner, accompanied by a strong insecurity on the part of those who feel jealousy and obsessive and recurring thoughts of the type: What will it be doing? or with who will be. All those doubts affect the health of the relationship, which in more than one case breaks down because of jealousy, since the person who has to live with someone jealous tends to get exhausted and feel that the other does not trust him / her.
Consequences of jealousy in a relationship.
When one, or both, members of the couple suffer from attacks of jealousy, either specific or already permanent, it is difficult for the relationship itself not to be affected. Usually, the existence of obsessive thoughts, mistrust, continuous reproaches and the accusations make both members of the couple feel anguished, sad and above all very unhappy. All this affects the functioning of the couple, leading to it breaking on many occasions.
In addition, pathological jealousy, which is unfounded and excessive, can have other repercussions. Some examples refer to when the accused person is more submissive, since he gives in to the requests of his partner, such as prohibiting you from having friends of the opposite sex, dressing in a certain way and the rest.
As we see, jealousy is not productive neither for the one who suffers them nor for the one who experiences them. But it is also that there is evidence about the coexistence between jealousy and emotional dependence, being highly frequent that both phenomena occur together. Therefore, to the disadvantages of jealousy must be added, in many cases, those of emotional dependence, such as the need for constant contact with your partner to feel secure about their future.
What solutions are there for jealousy?
As we have said, jealousy is usually caused by several factors. That is why the best way to end jealousy is to solve those underlying problems, which sometimes we ignore or want to ignore.
If we notice in ourselves or in our partner symptoms that jealousy is developing or, even, these are already evident, the best thing is to stop to reflect deeply about it. This jealousy must be analyzed, evaluating how it is expressed and how it arose. They may show up as possessiveness or as distrust of the words and actions of the other person.
We will have to analyze the origin of fears and insecurities causing that jealousy. Among some of the possible origins are bad experiences in past relationships or problems that the person has had throughout his life, both adult and child and youth.
Once the cause has been identified, it is time to treat it. In some cases, if the jealousy is mild, it is enough to work it out yourself, being better if you have the collaboration of your partner. Some tips to improve are:
- Improve communication: Talking constructively and empathetically improves communication in the couple. It is about opening up to dialogue and exposing thoughts and feelings. In this way, while maintaining respect and calm, they can deal with sensitive issues without getting into discussions that can be very harmful.
- Work on you: strengthen your self-esteem enriching your life, take care of yourself, practice your hobbies, exercise and share the time with people who make you feel full and satisfied.
- Enjoy the relationship: in order to cultivate your relationship It is important to spend time together, enjoy moments in each other's company or do activities that you both like, everything is good to promote enjoying a quality time together.
However, it is usually recommended go to a professional, especially in those cases in which jealousy is notorious, because in this way we can solve the problem in a faster and more efficient way.
Dealing with jealousy is very important, since if you do not do it, the relationship may end because the other person cannot take any more or it simply becomes a strained relationship and this affects the well-being of both parts.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Is jealousy good or bad in a relationship?, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.
Bibliography
- Demirtaş, H. & Dönmez, Ali. (2006). Jealousy in close relationships: Personal, relational, and situational variables. Türk psikiyatri dergisi = Turkish journal of psychiatry. 17. 181-91.
- Martínez-León, N. C. (s.f.). A systematic review of romantic jealousy in relationships. Retrieved September 25, 2019, from https://scielo.conicyt.cl/scielo.php? script = sci_arttext & pid = S0718-48082017000200203 & lng = en & nrm = iso & tlng = en
- Mathes, E. W. (1986). Jealousy and romantic love: A longitudinal stu-dy. Psychological Reports, 58, 885-886. http://dx.doi.org/10.2466/pr0.1986.58.3.885
- Rodriguez, L. M., DiBello, A. M., Øverup, C. S., & Neighbors, C. (2015). The Price of Distrust: Trust, Anxious Attachment, Jealousy, and Partner Abuse. Partner abuse, 6(3), 298–319. doi: 10.1891 / 1946-6560.6.3.298
