Why do MEN COME BACK?

For some reason yours ended: he left you, you left him, a deception, an imposed distance, a mutual agreement, etc. You start to ignore him, to forget, to get over him... And for some reason, he comes back. Pride? Jealousy? He has taken the position of being the center of your life from you and you don't like it? Possessiveness? Unsafety? Afraid? Why do men come back according to psychology? Discover some of the reasons in this Psychology-Online article.

Index

1. Why do men come back when you start to ignore them
2. Why do men come back when you pass them
3. Why do men come back when you're forgetting them
4. Why do men go back to their exes

Let's say you ignore him, but you really want him to come back. In this situation, what is commonly called "reverse psychology" plays a fundamental role. It is assumed that until you ignore him, he assumes that he still has you, that you would listen to him if he decided to come back to you and that, therefore, he has that freedom of being able to decide or not to come back to you: he is in the position of can.

Once you start to ignore him, he feels that freedom threatened, losing the position of power and finding himself in an uncomfortable position that will motivate him to reestablish that freedom. And the way to do it is by acting contrary to how you are acting. That is, you ignore him, implying that you no longer want to know anything about him and that you even prefer that he leave you alone. And he comes for you, doing the opposite of leaving you alone to feel that he does not lose you, that he does not lose that freedom that would allow him to return to you, that he does not lose the position of power. Although now he is exactly where you wanted him from the beginning and his freedom and power are a mere illusion.

In this situation, the reason why men come back when you pass them may be similar to the set out in the previous section, although your intention is not to pass them on purpose so that come back.

Another reason to consider is the loss aversion theory of Amos Tversky and Daniel Kanheman, which states that the rejection of the possibility of losing it is far superior to the desire to win. Although they postulate it in relation to money, we can establish an analogy adapted to love affairs. And how does this translate to relationships? As we have explained in the previous section, when you start to ignore or pass the person who was with you, the security that took for granted that you would always be there collapses. And the fear of that person to lose you wakes up, along with the natural aversion to that loss. Therefore, in the face of uncertainty, the best option to avoid loss is: return with you.

Keeping in mind the above reasons, which are also valid, let's see why men return when you are forgetting them. Forgetting about someone is something much more serious than simply ignoring or ignoring them. Forgetting him is something that is not done on purpose, or overnight, but is something gradual, natural. And it shows much more, it feels much more. To be forgetting him implies to be surpassing him. And all the fears and insecurities mentioned above are magnified and take on another meaning, much more genuine, much deeper.

Now it's a fear of really losing you in his life, losing you and everything you mean to him, when he really hasn't gotten over you yet. Fear of never finding someone who loves him like you. Fear of not finding someone like you. Fear to loneliness. And come back.

That thing that you do not realize what you had until you lose it, cannot be more suitable. In this situation he has already lost you. And in doing so, and being without you, he realizes all the little things that before he did not value, that he did not even know he had or that you provided. And he starts to miss them, to miss you. Reviewing everything he did wrong, everything that went wrong. He realizes that it is not so easy to love someone that way, or that someone loves you that way. He realizes how good you were. After a breakup, for a while, it is very common to remember only the good times, causing nostalgia and longing to grow, feelings that can easily be mistaken for love.

So why does a man come back?

• Because he has not managed to forget you
• Cause he waits for a second chance
• He may have realized that he still loves you
• He may be confusing love with nostalgia

In any case, the decision to return or not is yours, and you must base it on what you feel.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why do men come back according to psychology, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.

• MacDonald, G., Nail, P. R., & Harper, J. R. (2011). Do people use reverse psychology? An exploration of strategic self-anticonformity. Social Influence, 6(1), 1–14.