Why do we fall in love when we are least, when we least have

  • Jul 26, 2021
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Why do we fall in love when we are least, when we least have

It may seem like a discouraging intention of love, at a time when love is offered as a saving measure for the ills suffered by millions of human beings. All you need is love it continues to be offered as a medieval magic formula that will put an end to all kinds of pain. Love can do everything is said from many sides. It would be necessary to be more attentive to the market sources installed in the mass media that drive trends for populations to live life happily on the basis of the love.

In this PsychologyOnline article, we address the question of why we fall in love when we are least, when we least have.

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Index

  1. What is love
  2. Difference between love and infatuation
  3. Failure and infatuation
  4. Infatuation as a commodity

What is love.

Undoubtedly the term love is polysemic, not the one that circulates in the imaginary of the Western world and that confers on it a series of features with undoubted little rational elements:

  1. Love arrives, appears or is sought.
    This notion is inserted in the fantasy of access to fortunate experiences that substantially modify the existence of those who live them. It is finding the treasure at the end of the rainbow, plunging into the depth of joy, and other allusions, rather than Either way, they place the loving subject in a passive condition, despite their impulses to arrive or to explore the precious gold, love.
  2. Love leads to happiness. It is visualized as an object that generates pleasant emotions. It is expected to drive away negative aspects in life as if it were a protection charm against unhappiness. If there is love, the rest does not matter because joy is assured.
  3. Love heals. Here it plays a corrective role. Problems are solved with the arrival of love. So it acts as a healing agent. It is capable of restoring health as soon as it appears. On this function a religious origin is inferred, since this perspective is the one that occupies the most ground when entering various human spheres, such as the family and in the circles of friends. Among other concepts ...

Difference between love and infatuation.

It is also distinguished between love and infatuation as different states or conditions. The first is found in the aspects of human life, having a certain generic expression of well-being, suffers from high vagueness when be placed in the dimension close to the natural, losing sight of the fact that it is a predominantly historical construction, despite its similarity with the biological factors of the species that genetically bring the specimens together for different functions: protection, mating and reproduction. Giving love or feeling love leads to recognizing a high value in someone or something.

The infatuation, for its part, causes regular life disturbances of the subjects by the importance assigned to someone or something. It is undoubtedly an impairment of the sensory-perceptual functions that oscillate between pleasure and pain. It is commonly experienced in accordance with social referents, although the presence of the images offered, as mentioned, by the mass media, has led to stereotypes promoted through the marketing. By way of hypnotic induction, messages of infatuation are emitted permanently as a circumstance of fortune. The literary genre par excellence of capitalism, the novel, often has that mission, to promote that falling in love is a force and a goal. The behavior in love is presented as the result of having ingested nutrients that strengthen life, or represent it in suffering.

The The pursuit of falling in love is confused with the pursuit of love. Faces are exhibited tormented by not satisfying what their impulses dictate to them and that is deduced is love. Erick Fromm in his famous work The Art of Loving maintains that falling in love is the faithful expression of the affective structures of the subject. He falls in love according to what is lived, what has been lived, undoubtedly, a counter sense would be to understand the equivalent of falling in love with a virus that comes from a non-specific place.

Of course infatuation comes to potentiate various capacities in the subjects: tolerance, facing adversity with attitudes of greater poise, recognition of life as a supreme value, among others; However, this is not the case in many cases, especially when people suffer the constant frustration of not achieving the series of expectations set out in their life history.

Those who are able to activate themselves through the experience of falling in love do not do so due to this factor, in general they have an unusual construction structure. In other words, infatuation impacts according to the emotional assembly of the subjects what conditions its development from the circumstances of satisfaction. These are not invocations that promote self-improvement texts, whose insistence that people be happy despite their shortcomings, are nothing more than alibis for social inequality; but the solid realization of transformations that fulfill part of their wishes. Reaching an important part of what is expected in life is a vital state to fall in love in a less tragic way. It is not the same to fall in love while being unemployed than running an organization.

Success is undoubtedly linked to the responses given in the experience of falling in love, despite this, it is also It is a specific area in human life that may be poorly attended, while in others it strengthens. However, the trend is not for people with notable economic, professional, social or any other development to lose themselves when falling in love. They break down because they madly love someone and put aside their empire. No, in general, those who get the most out of control in falling in love are who have the least, who have least been transcended. Those least have carried out construction processes in some sphere of human creativity. The circumstance expressed in lucky in money; unlucky in love is almost a myth, when it comes into being it is temporarily or in extremes of affective neglect. As it transcends the social gaze, it is placed on the person who performs it. In this sense, little affective value and social relevance in falling in love with subjects that develop in other areas are rather a phenomenon and not a regular event.

Why we fall in love when we are least, when we least have - Difference between love and infatuation

Failure and infatuation.

Inverse to the hypothetical benefits of falling in love where living them supposes having obtained an achievement, the frequent thing is the appearance of deficiencies which ironically does not cover themselves by falling in love, since the emotions of well-being basically fill the voids, they do not complete them, they cover them up. The link between the intensity of pleasure of falling in love and their states of realization remains inversely proportional, the less experience of achieving goals, the greater degree of infatuation, finding in such a fact, a set of sensations that overshadow unmet needs, specifically the one that demands recognition and acceptance Social. Unsatisfied desires, unfulfilled self-demands of transcendence, fantasies of a better future that has not yet begun, the expectation of colossal happiness, images stereotypical realization, ascent to peaks beyond the reach of mortals, enormous accumulation of capital, overflowing fame, among several other perspectives for times to come.

The non-materialization of aspirations tends to be oriented in two ways: goals are increased when encountering its impossibility of execution when postponing; these purposes are ultimately canceled by installing discouraging visions in individuals in which the depressive states they are something familiar. Adversity in accessing life goals is fertile territory for falling in love because symbolically it constitutes a path that paves the way for what is desired. Yes, falling in love implies strengthened attitudes for the performance of daily jobs or the opposite, abandonment of them occurs to invest more time in lovemaking tasks on the promising basis that an increase in improvement is seen in various aspects of her realization.

The failure of intentions has in the formula of frustration its own path for the emergence of discomforts, dislikes, mistrust and resentment, that is, little matter of emotions and beneficial cognitive supports for coexist. It is easy to imagine that finding yourself in a crush relationship with these components will not imply the dissolution of these, will be hidden or will remain latent making the corresponding investment. Dislikes turn to joy. Distrust in giving up personal problems. The resentments in exaggerated expressions for the pleasure of existing.

Falling in love as merchandise.

Feeling in love is driven from the consumer machinery. Whoever falls in love wishes, taking as a stage the market of products that serve as consolation for the shortcomings. Television, cinema and certain literature are genuine showcases to find love that encourages the meaning of a life that transcends routines. It is exhibited as an opportunity to be a better person, when it is its antipode, it falls in love because it is not what it wants to be. He falls in love because he does not have it. Deep disagreements with what is lived facilitates the arrival of falling in love. Then, the commercial messages are to sell the mirage of satisfaction. Encouraging love implies having rewards and being willing to enroll in certain consumer dynamics. Already falling in love is itself a product that at the same time triggers needs to continue acquiring other inputs from it.

It is not promoting a counter-infatuation line, as some critical views have proposed, it is reducing its importance to give priority to the effort of individual purposes. Not waiting for the presence of a state undoubtedly mythologized, with magical assumptions that distort patterns of human development. The figures of infatuation should not cancel others in human life such as: creating ideas, constructing options for solving problems, inventing means of relevance in personal history, pursuing mobility spatial, conceptual, transcendence should not be conditioned by factors determined by the incursion of another person into one's own life as prize. Yes to falling in love that is accompanied by constructions based on rationality; no to falling in love that relies on the manipulation of fictitious types of pleasure.

Why do we fall in love when we are least, when we least have - Infatuation as merchandise

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why do we fall in love when we are least, when we least have, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.

References

  1. Adler, Alfred (1984). The neurotic character. Barcelona: Paidós.
  2. Caruso, Igor (1989). The separation of lovers. Mexico: XXI century.
  3. Coria, Clara (1991). Money in the couple. Mexico: Paidós.
  4. Fromm, Erick (1983). The art of Loving. Mexico: Paidós.
  5. Fromm, Erick (1986). The fear to the freedom. Madrid: Planet.
  6. Goleman, Daniel (1997). Emotional intelligence Mexico: Vergara.
  7. Lemaire, Jean (1999). The human couple. Mexico. XXI century.
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