What to do when your COUPLE is all day with the MOBILE

Currently one of the most useful tools among the population is the mobile phone, many people today would not know how to live without it, since it is useful for everything. Many people say that you can meet someone just by looking at their mobile, all our data is there from the most intimate to the most public. But, like everything in life, you have to know how to use it well so as not to miss other things that surround us. Despite being a very useful tool, it can also be a reason for addiction: nomophobia or mobile phone addiction. So we must rationalize our use of it.

One of the most common complaints in a couples therapy consultation is that the boyfriend or girlfriend is all the time with the mobile phone and there are many couple problems on the mobile phone. Really, does the mobile break couples? Is it the way to use it? What can we do about it? In the following Psychology-Online article we will talk about what to do when your partner is on the phone all day.

Index

1. Why is your boyfriend / girlfriend always on the phone?
2. Consequences of phubbing
3. What to do when your partner ignores you looking at the mobile

It is true that we spend more and more hours looking at our mobile phone. Sometimes we use it to communicate or perform relevant tasks, but many other times we do it out of habit and spend time that we could dedicate to more important actions. Why does that happen? Why is it that your partner is all day with the mobile?

• Maybe your partner, due to the society created by new technologies, has the so-called "Fear of missing something" and therefore have to be continuously checking on their social networks if there has been any news since the The last time you have looked at it, especially among the youngest, it is well regarded to be the first to see something event. This fact can be stressful if it is not done for fear of being the last person to know about things.
• Another reason why you may be constantly looking at your mobile is because lack of interest in what the person next to you explains.
• Another reason that should be valued when your partner is very aware of the mobile is the vital moment of this person, the circumstances that surround him, perhaps these lead him to be much more aware of his motive than usual (job search, illness of a relative, etc.)
• It is worth mentioning that the design of mobile phones invites their constant use. Its operation makes it very easy for the user to turn addict to use it. If you think that your partner is hooked on the mobile, we recommend you consult this article in which the symptoms of mobile addiction. In case you think that your partner is addicted to mobile, you can recommend going to a professional.

After seeing the causes why your partner can spend too many hours with the phone, let's see what consequences it has for your wife or husband to be with the mobile all the time.

The word phubbingis the combination of two English words phone (phone) and snubbing (to despise), so the term phubbing refers to the fact of ignoring someone while paying attention to your mobile phone. This act can have the consequences mentioned below in the couple's relationship.

Low self-esteem

The fact that a person is constantly looking at the mobile can trigger low self-esteem in her partner. This may feel that it is not important enough and this can lead to feelings that it is worth nothing that is not enough and that they have as a consequence a damage in self-esteem. Every person needs to love themselves but also to feel loved by the environment that surrounds them. In the end, when someone is looking at the phone all the time, they neglect her interlocutor, who feels ignored or ignored. In this article you can see the signs that indicate low self-esteem In a person.

Stress

Stress is so much for the person doing the phubbing as for who is by your side. The first will be stress for being the first to see what is published or what is said (and anxiety if it is not), and in the second case, stress for not feeling valued in a relationship. Which can lead to relationship problems on the phone and even trigger a relationship crisis.

Conflicts

The , It makes the attention not focused so much on the couple but more on the mobile. This can lead to poor communication and this can lead to conflicts in the couple. Besides the phubbing can make your partner feel undervalued and, if they do not have a space where they can express what they mean, it can lead them to be more sensitive for reasons that previously was not and explode into conflicts that are not understood because underneath there is a more important one: the feeling of not feeling valued.

End of relationship

The phubbing, Although on many occasions it is not seen as such a serious problem, it can mean the end of a relationship: if your partner does not feel valued, it is very likely that he will end up leaving your side.

In this article we expose 30 reasons why a relationship can end.

If your partner is always on the phone, it is normal for you to feel undervalued and unattended. It is normal that it makes communication difficult, that the relationship worsens and that, in the end, you feel bad about the situation. Can you do something about it? First of all, you should keep in mind that the responsibility to control how much and how you use the phone is his or her. With this in mind, the following strategies to address the situation may be helpful:

1. Express what makes you feel

It is important that we can express to our partner the feelings that awaken us that he is looking at the mobile all the time, always assertively and empathetically. Understanding the other partner's point of view is very important. In this article we talk about communication in the couple.

2. Negotiate

As a couple, you can come to negotiate moments in which looking at your mobile would not be a conflict and others in which looking at it hurts to feel valued by whoever you have next to you. Agreeing and talking openly about this topic can be a good way to reach agreements to help you with the situation. Find intermediate points where both or both of you can feel comfortable or comfortable.

3. Reinforce and value

On many occasions, it is also important to recognize the effort that someone makes to change a behavior and a habit. In these cases, it is not just about asking for a change, but about valuing what he does. For example: if you put down your mobile to go to dinner, say: "Thanks for not taking your mobile to the table today, I appreciate it a lot".

It may also be useful to know these 7 tips to unhook from the mobile.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What to do when your partner is on the phone all day, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Lameiro, M. and Sánchez, R. (1998). Effects on the forms of digital communication. Annals of documentation, No. 8, pp. 101-116.
• Links and the Internet: Qualitative research on new ways of linking. Bulletin of the Spanish Society of Psychotherapy and Group Techniques. Epoch IV No. 14, pp. 45-66. Barcelona.