My Boyfriend Looks at Other Women why? what I do?

Alicia is sitting on a stool at the airport with her boyfriend, waiting for information about the boarding gate to be communicated. They talk excitedly, hoping to have a wonderful vacation together, when a woman walks next to them. Suddenly, she watches as her boyfriend turns her head quickly, looks her up and down and spends too long examining every part of her body. At that moment, a flood of emotions invades Alicia: jealousy, anger, pain, insecurity. "Do you think she is more beautiful than me?" "Is she no longer attracted to me?" "Could it be that she doesn't love me anymore?"

Does it sound familiar to you? It is a common problem in relationships. But is normal? Do you have the right to be angry about it? Should you just let it go? In this article from Psychology-Online: My boyfriend looks at other women, we will try to give you some answers.

Index

1. What does it mean when a man looks at another woman having a girlfriend
2. Why do men look at other women when they are in love
3. I can't stand my boyfriend looking at other women
4. My boyfriend looks at other women, what do I do?

Ogas and Gaddam indicate that the greater sexual impulse of men could be due to the fact that their sexual motivation pathways have more connections with the subcortical reward system (in charge of survival and basic processes) than in the women. This means that sexual arousal in men would be related to more basic systems and less elaborate, in which the details and personal characteristics of their sexual interests would lose importance, to give way to visual images, which would play a central role. Thus, when a stimulus appears in the field of vision of a man that is attractive to him (in the case of heterosexual men, women with signs of health, fertility and youth), the parts of their brain related to erection.

In this way, realizing that another person is attractive, especially in the case of men, who are especially sensitive to visual images, in principle, it would be within normality. The fact of noticing someone's beauty would not unequivocally mean that your partner does not know find you happy and that if he could he would run off with the first stranger who crosses his road. Sometimes, noticing the presence of an attractive person is just that: recognize and appreciate certain beauty traits when we see them. However, if your boyfriend stares for an excessively long period of time at another person in your presence, he will gape or make inappropriate comments, I would be raising a red flag that you should not obviate. In the following sections, we will tell you more in this regard.

In the previous section, we have learned that men are especially sensitive to visual stimuli. In this way, they may be attracted to women (in the case of heterosexual men, to whom this article is directed), on a strictly physical level. Therefore, sexual attraction and emotional connection would not necessarily go hand in hand. If you and your partner have a stable bond, in which your emotions and opinions are respected and valued, in principle, there is nothing to worry about. It is normal for men (and women) to notice other people, look and admire (briefly and respectfully) and even fantasize about others.

However, this does not mean a green light for any behavior: there are limits that no man (or woman) should cross. It is one thing to be aware of the presence of an attractive person. It is quite another to show interest in it and / or active efforts to reach out to it. Shamelessly staring, attempts at flirting and flirting, inappropriate comments, fondling - these are all alarm signals that can be offensive to you and potentially to the person to whom they are directed. The old patriarchal notions about man and relationships, which tell us that the men “cannot control themselves” and who would come to justify the above behaviors, they are not certain. A mature man is able to control his behavior and don't cross certain lines that hurt your partner. She can also decide to be in a relationship or not. If your partner behaves like this, chances are he or she is not mature enough to controlling himself, or potentially not respecting you enough (neither you nor the women in general).

A couple of weeks ago, a couple came in for a consultation to see me. During the session, the woman was quiet, head down, in the shadow of a man who was explaining to me how she needed help to improve, according to him, her “sick jealousy” of her. After listening to her version, I asked her to leave us alone so that she could express herself as well.

“I know that my husband loves me like I love him. But when I see how he looks at other women in front of me, my blood boils. If I say something, he complains and blames it on my insecurities. In the end I have no choice but to shut up. Everybody tells me to let it be, that these are men's things. But I can't accept that, or should I? "

At that time, I explained to my patient the need not to overlook these types of situations. The real problem is not the fact that her partner looks at other women, but rather that he did so without any regard for the emotional toll he was causing on her.

1. Ask yourself. If something similar to what has been explained is happening to you, the first thing you should consider is your partner's consideration of your feelings. If there is respect in your relationship so that they are taken into account. A couple requires that both partners be sensitive to each other's emotional needs and establish some basic rules, in which the way of behaving of each one does not offend or anger the other. If your partner, as they say colloquially, “eats with his eyes” other women in front of you, there could be a form of implicit contempt for you and the relationship. In the following article you will find what to do when there is disrespect in the couple.
2. Communicate. If you find yourself in a similar situation, it is important that you let them know that his behavior is hurting you and ask him to behave in a more consistent and respectful way with you. It is time for you to have a quiet conversation, in which you explain how you feel and what you expect from him, so that both of you are happier in your relationship. In the following article you will find how to improve communication in the couple.
3. Observe their response. Faced with this type of situation, a classic response is usually to attribute the discomfort caused to problems of insecurity. In this way, far from empathizing with you and acknowledging their wrongdoing, they aggravate the damage caused by using your situation of vulnerability to try to emerge victorious.
4. He ponders. A man or a woman should aspire for their partner to feel valued in the relationship. It is not a concern for a man in a committed relationship to notice another woman; yes it is when he does it in a blatant way and without showing consideration for his partner's feelings. If he constantly minimizes his performances and doesn't give you the place you deserve, maybe you should. rethink the basic rules of your relationship, and even reflect on whether it is a relationship in which the feelings of both are taken into account. You can take this test that will help you reflect on whether Are you happy in your relationship.
5. By last, never put the focus on the woman. She has the right to exist, to be attractive, to dress and act as she wants. Remember that your relationship is two, and explanations and respect must come first from your partner, not from someone who does not know you.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to My boyfriend looks at other women, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Ogas, O., & Gaddam, S. (2011). A billion wicked thoughts: What the world's largest experiment reveals about human desire. New York, NY, US: Dutton.