Infidelity, love triangles and double life are very controversial topics and constitute one of the most frequent reasons for consultation in couple care. It's full of studies everywhere, but why people cheat remains a mystery. What is the personality of people who have a double life? What is it that leads you to seek outside of the relationship? Why do they do it? Can these types of people change? What are they missing and what could be the consequences of a person leading a double life, for themselves and for their partners?
In this Psychology-Online article, we will talk about the people with a double life, their personality and the consequencesWe will see the possible reasons that may lead someone to look outside the relationship and we will try to understand a little what is behind that need.
Next, we will make a list of behaviors to be able to develop a complete psychological profile of a person with a double love life:
- They are people who hide a emotional immaturity and what do they have affective deficiencies that make it difficult for them to connect and to establish intimate, deep and stable bonds.
- Really, are not available affectively. They are people who are not ready to commit, with all that that implies, or to be emotionally responsible with their partners.
- They are unsure of themselves and have a low self-esteem. Despite showing the opposite to the outside, behind the shell of security and power, a person with many insecurities hides.
- They usually have communication problems and be people who avoid conflict loving; either because it makes them feel uncomfortable, because they don't know what to do or because they don't have the necessary tools. They tend to move away when they do not like something or look for what they need from the outside, before requesting it from their partner.
- They are unaware of your needs and they expect their partner to identify them and communicate or satisfy them.
- Have unrealistic expectations in the relationship with the other. They find it difficult to see the other, as an "other" and unconsciously ask him to be or behave as an extension of themselves. When the other acts differently from them (from their "otherness"; with different values, ways of being and beliefs) are disappointed.
- They are excessively demanding. They are people who have a lack or need not covered in childhood and who seek to fill it without knowing how. At the couple level, it seems that they never manage to feel satisfied and something is always missing in the relationship.
- Tend to idealize and devalue. It is difficult for them to perceive the other with the good and the bad and they tend to look at the very good and at other times the very bad in the relationship.
- They need constantly reaffirm through others, to be loved, accepted, liked and seduced in order to feel good about themselves.
People who lead a double life and are discovered or for some reason come to confess their infidelity have to face reality and that implies becoming aware of their actions and consequences of them. Everything has a cost and the fact of breaking the couple's agreement generates significant damage in each of the parties and in the relationship.
- Termination of the relationship. The person who has been unfaithful must accept and take charge on a conscious level that her actions have consequences and among them accept that damage to her couple and that as a result of this, it is most likely that the relationship will end or trust will be strongly affected and their own dignity will be put into play. This is one of the reasons why many of the people who are unfaithful decide later to keep the secret, rather than assume everything that telling the truth can mean.
- Damage to partner. The couple affected by this infidelity will also experience psychological consequences. First, the experience will generate a lot of pain, since it implies incorporating and accepting a different reality than the one imagined and this will be a strong blow to confidence and self-esteem that also affects their identity as a person, but also affects the identity of the partner.
- Distrust. At the level of the couple's bond, this will also be affected since the trust in the relationship will be seriously damaged. In most cases, the relationship ends, but sometimes the couples decide to continue and there it takes a lot of time, work and effort to regain trust. and reconstitute what was broken, it is important to do this process with the help of a professional to avoid unconsciously generating more damage to any of the parts affected. In this article we talk about How to regain trust in your partner.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
