Reasons NOT to spy on your PARTNER'S MOBILE

One of the main bases for a relationship to work is trust. When you are sure of your relationship and trust your partner, everything turns out to work more easily, on the other hand, if there are conflicts and problems with this particular topic, it can trigger many discussions and discomfort between both.

Unfortunately, there are still many cases in which one or both components of the couple track and spy on the other's mobile, sometimes secretly, looking for signs of infidelity. This situation shows a significant lack of trust in the partner, but many people consider it as something typical and normal that tests their love and trust. However, there are others that consider it an attack on the freedom and privacy of the person. Recently, we have been able to hear or read that spying on your partner's cell phone can be a crime of gender violence, is it true? In this Psychology-Online article we will solve it and see 6reasons not to spy on your partner's mobile.

Index

1. Is spying on your partner's phone a crime?
2. Reasons not to check your boyfriend or girlfriend's cell phone
3. How to act if your partner hides the phone?
4. What to do if you distrust your partner?

The Ministry of Health, Social Affairs and Equality, in 2017, launched a campaign to raise awareness among young people and adolescents to eradicate one of the demonstrations of gender violence more common in this population, the digital gender violence, which includes actions such as control, censor, harass and spy on your partner via mobile phone, among many more. It should be remembered that accessing the private conversations of your partner, whether you are a man or a woman, whether on WhatsApp or other social networks, violates article 197 of organic law 10/1995 of the Penal Code on Crimes against privacy and therefore constitutes a crime of disclosure and discovery of secrets with economic penalties and imprisonment of one to four years.

Unfortunately, they tend to be infrequent complaints in the Spanish courts because there is a general lack of knowledge that this type of behaviors can become a crime, in addition, by involving the justice system in these situations, other people in the environment who would act as testimony, thus causing uncomfortable and unpleasant situations for both / as, it is for this reason that it is not very common to find complaints of this type.

However, it is necessary to do an informative and awareness among the younger population, since, normally, they are the ones that tend to reproduce these attitudes and behaviors more frequently. They must be informed that these actions are considered a crime and that the consequences can be very harsh.

Here are some brief reasons why you should not check your partner's phone:

• Crime: As we have just seen, searching someone else's mobile phone is a crime of revealing and discovering secrets and is considered digital violence.
• Loss of confidenceIf your partner knows that you are spying on his mobile, he could mistrust you and lose all the trust he has placed in your relationship. Ask him / her what you need to be more calm / a but without resorting to spying and cheating on their phone.
• Lack of respect and education: the mobile, today, is where we keep all our information (personal or not), conversations, photographs, videos, and having your partner spy on your phone is a behavior that goes against the privacy and intimacy of the person.
• You will have recurring negative thoughts: If you distrust your partner, the most effective thing you could do would be to talk to him / her and communicate your insecurities, instead of thinking about these thoughts that will only harm you more.
• You will enter an obsessive wheel: If you have gotten used to spying on your partner's cell phone, every time the phone rings or a notification, you will be attentive and nervous and you will be frustrated when you see that, at that moment, you cannot know who speaks to him.
• You will have more anxiety: Another reason why not check your boyfriend or girlfriend's cell phone is because it is a counterproductive strategy, if you use the strategy of checking your partner's conversations to calm your anxiety, you are not learning to regulate it by yourself or by yourself alone. You will always need external checks to be able to handle the nerves that your own thoughts about a hypothetical infidelity situation produce.

What if your partner hides the cell phone? If you turn it off or leave it upside down, what should we do?

1. First of all, we have to act with tranquility to prevent the situation from becoming tense and leading to a heated argument. If it bothers you that your partner hides the mobile when you are with him / her or that he turns the phone upside down or even turns it off, first of all, you have to remain calm.
2. You could speak in a sincere and assertive way with your partner to express your concernsIn other words, letting him know that it bothers you that he has these behaviors with the phone because it makes him think that he is hiding something from you.
3. You can to ask also, comprehensively if he is being unfaithful or if he is hiding something from you and what could you do to fix this, if you want.
4. The confidence is vital in a relationship and, if there is not a good communication Between the two, and in addition, behaviors like these appear, it can harm the relationship, self-esteem, confidence and mental health of the two. In this article we explain how to improve communication in the couple.

As we have mentioned before, trust is one of the most important aspects to take into account in a relationship and you have to work every day to make it work. There may be different reasons why you distrust your partner, for example, having problems with self-esteem and self-confidence. Work together with your partner these conflicts, fears or worries can promote your union as a couple and increase your confidence. Distrust may also appear due to the fact of having experienced infidelity situations or other injuries from a past relationship, so, work and analyze the past and, if it is necessary, with the help of a psychology professional, it can be very useful to better cope with the conflicts of the future.

To conclude, the fact that have a good communication and heal with your partner, it will help you to express yourself better, to manifest your thoughts, feelings, worries and increasing your security in the relationship, therefore, leaving less room for distrust.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Reasons not to spy on your partner's mobile, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Government of Spain (2017). 10 forms of digital gender violence. Ministry of Health, Social Services and Equality.
• Piquer, B. (2016). Violence of young couples on the Internet. Master's final project. Jaume I. University