22 MYTHS OF ROMANTIC LOVE

  • Jul 26, 2021
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Myths of romantic love and reality

Many of us have grown up with Disney movies, which have taught us the power of true love. and that the greatest purpose in life is to find our love that will save us from our hardships and adversities. As we get older, there are other types of series that, despite explaining other problems, the central one is still love and finding your better half. We can also find these hidden myths in songs that we listen to in our daily lives, making us unconsciously create an image of what “ideal love” should be like.

All this has caused that on many occasions people have erroneous expectations about what love is and what we should expect from it. In addition, it should be noted that romantic love and its associated myths generate an unequal relationship between men and women. In this Psychology-Online article we will see 22 myths of romantic love and reality, as well as the possible consequences of believing and wanting to replicate these.

You may also like: How to find true love

Index

  1. Love is pleasure and suffering
  2. With my love I will change the other person
  3. For love everything is forgiven
  4. Love heals everything
  5. Jealousy is a proof of love
  6. The perfect match
  7. Attraction only made my partner
  8. A man cannot show weakness
  9. Know what happens to you without having to say anything
  10. Does the love of your life exist
  11. Only one
  12. The person fills all aspects of your life
  13. Love at first sight
  14. Possession
  15. Eternal passion
  16. Vision of man
  17. Women's vision
  18. Omnipotence of love
  19. Depersonalization or belonging to the other
  20. True love lasts a lifetime
  21. Target pairing
  22. Not contemplate another kind of love
  23. How to demystify romantic love?

Love is pleasure and suffering.

Romantic love starts from a base where love is usually impossible and with a series of catastrophic misfortunes. True love, according to myth, is not the one that makes you happy, but the one that is threatened and condemned, like Romeo and Juliet. This idea that suffering for love is good and is what shows that you are in love can lead you to very toxic relationships.

  • Reality. Love must be peace and well-being In its great majority.
Myths of romantic love and reality - Love is pleasure and suffering

With my love I will change the other person.

Many times, in series or movies, we have been taught that in the end the girl ends up saving the boy of her stormy past and this changes radically when he meets her, because that is love, as it happens with Christian Gray and Anastasia from Fifty Shades of Grey. Well, for something it is a myth and not the reality of love. Most of us have a great capacity for adaptation and we can modify things, but not change our essence. If you try to do that with your partner with the idea that your love will save him, you can end up suffering a lot.

  • Reality. Love is not about changing anyone, we can negotiate to reach agreements but not change. Real love is about accept and share, but not to try to return to the bad / a of the film in good / a.
Myths of romantic love and reality - With my love I will change the other person

For love everything is forgiven.

We have all heard the popular saying “a lot of love, a lot of forgiveness”, for romantic love to love would be synonymous with tolerating and forgiving everything. We can change for love or we can make the other person change. This is another of the myths of romantic love that lead to toxic relationships and in which there can be a lot of suffering.

  • Reality. To love is not to forgive everything, to love is to respect and also to set limits, not everything goes in the name of love and that should be very clear. Who does not respect, hurts with his words, behaviors and attitudes of him, does not love. Remember love begins with loving yourself.
Myths of romantic love and reality - For love everything is forgiven

Love heals everything.

It is true that love heals everything, but not with the idea that romantic love conveys. This only contemplates the love towards another person. Love goes through first loving yourself and then others. Romantic love makes us believe that this love towards ourselves will be provided by the other, that is a serious mistake, if our love for us depends on the other person we will always be subject to third parties.

  • Reality. The love that really heals is the one you have for yourself. Loving someone goes through first to love oneself. If we are not able to find our qualities, as well as our weak points and know ourselves, it will be very difficult to know someone and love them in a healthy way.

In this article we explain what is self-love, its importance and how to build it.

Romantic Love Myths and Reality - Love Heals All

Jealousy is a proof of love.

Another myth of romantic love is that jealousy is a proof of love. This is usually a very common topic in people's first relationships, generally due to the messages transmitted through songs or in television series. The false belief that states that if you are not jealous in a relationship it is because you do not really love, is another of the myths of romantic love. As if feeling jealous was irrefutable proof of being in love with someone. This fact can lead to very possessive and highly disabling behaviors for the partner who suffers it. They can even justify selfish, unfair, repressive, controlling, and sometimes violent behavior.

  • Reality. Jealousy is part of a unsafety that can come from oneself or insecurity generated by the other.

Therefore, it is important to have good communication and to be able to talk about everything with the partner, as well as to value oneself. Jealousy is not love, if there is jealousy there is a conflict that must be resolved but do not accept the phrase "I am jealous because I am very much in love with you ”, ask what is generating this jealousy and what can you do to remedy it. The solution will go through a consensual negotiation and not through an imposition. Here you will find more information about why jealousy occurs and how it can be treated.

Romantic love myths and reality - Jealousy is a proof of love

The perfect match.

Here we find one of the greatest myths that romantic love has brought us, that of the better half. This myth creates the complex for people that they do not use themselves, that they lack something to be. There is a person absolutely complementary to you, he will fill all your emptiness and save you from loneliness. That idea that we have seen so many times not only in Disney movies, but in many other Hollywood ones, can create a lot of dependency between people and fostering toxic relationships.

  • Reality. Nobody is half of nothing, you are a whole being that you are worth by yourself and you do not need anyone to complement you, you are your greatest complement and only by loving yourself can you love others. Perhaps you are an orange and tomorrow you fall in love with a kiwi, there are a lot of fruits and each one of them contributes different things.
Myths of romantic love and reality - The better half

Attraction only made my partner.

The idea of ​​“if I am truly in love, I cannot be attracted to other people and I cannot like them” is another myth of romantic love and another source of conflict.

  • Reality. Wanting and attracting are not synonymous, your partner is with you because he loves you, and that implies a set of emotions and feelings, that is, he likes the way you are, you physical, the way you face things, etc., even so, it may happen that you find other people attractive as you may too occur.
Myths of romantic love and reality - Attraction only towards my partner

A man cannot show weakness.

As in any fairy tale, the man or prince is the one who fights and saves the princess from death or from the clutches of an evil witch who wants to get rid of her. He is never frail, weak, or crying. Well, men cry and thanks to myths like these, perpetuated by romantic love, many try not to because it can lead to "being less of a man."

  • Reality. All human beings have emotions and these affect us, it does not matter if you are a man or a woman, emotions are found in each and every one of us regardless of sex. Society is who has determined which ones you can feel and how you can express it depending on whether you are a man or a woman.

In this article you will find more information about the managing emotions.

Romantic love myths and reality - A man cannot show weakness

Know what happens to you without having to say anything.

That myth can cause a lot of conflict in a relationship. This myth of romantic love has taught us that if the other person really loves us, they will know what is happening to us without the need to ask or establish a conversation. It makes us believe that when there is love there is no need for direct communication because there is a kind of telepathic power between the two people.

  • Reality. The basis of any healthy relationship is to maintain good communication with the couple and to be able to talk about different topics openly, to be able to express from how you feel and what annoys you or you value in a person to what you like in bed.
Myths of romantic love and reality - Know what happens to you without having to say anything

Does the love of your life exist.

And when you find it this will be forever. Well, it seems that romantic love does not affect the circumstances of life, nor the personal evolution of each member of the couple. Everything stops the moment you meet and that makes you spend the rest of your life together.

  • Reality. We are all aware that in life the only constant is change, and sometimes our partner can support us in the changes we experience in our life, can also evolve and accept changes that there will be in the couple over time, but other times circumstances make the couple not know how to face the crisis and break up.
Myths of romantic love and reality - There is the love of your life

Only one.

Another myth of romantic love has to do with the fusion of both members of the couple as if they were one person.

  • Reality. You must be very clear that intimacy is the private dimension of each one, you are going to show what you want to show about yourself and no one can force you to do otherwise. It is not true that because he is your partner, he can look at your mobile anytime or ask you for explanations for everything, you decide what you teach about yourself and what not. Your privacy is personal and non-transferable and nothing and nobody can deprive you of it.
Myths of Romantic Love and Reality - One Only

The person fills all aspects of your life.

It is true that we are social beings, with which we are all going to need to interact with people, but it does not have to be a couple: it can be a friend, your family, etc. This myth of romantic love refers to a relationship in which the other person is exactly what you want in all aspects and that he will cover all your needs, which is false.

  • Reality. The center of your life will always be yourself and you will be the only person capable of filling all aspects of your life.
Myths of romantic love and reality - The person fills all aspects of your life

Love at first sight.

Romantic love has the ability to mistake a simple attraction for love. Another myth that is often seen in fiction, in movies, series, songs, etc.

  • Reality. Love is something that is built as you get to know the other person. First, you will probably be attracted to their physique but as you go on dates with the person, what you will fall in love with is their personality.

It is important not to confuse attraction with love. Attraction is something very ephemeral while love is something that must be built.

Romantic love myths and reality - Love at first sight

Possession.

Romantic love is not about growing together and learning together, but about owning each other and, generally, the man the woman. This topic can be found in different songs, especially reggaetón. The song Mine by Bad Bunny feat. Drake where we find phrases like “Tell him that you are mine, mine. You know that you are mine, mine"Or in the letter of You're mine by Romeo Santos with phrases such as: “Do not be surprised if one night I enter your room and again make you mine. You well know my mistakes, the selfishness of being the owner of your life. You're mine. Do not be crazy that very well you already knew. If you get married on your wedding day, I tell your husband with laughter that only the woman he loves is borrowed because you are still mine.”. In addition, this song also feeds the idea that true love is the one that comes first.

Finally, when love does not go as one wants and it is the woman who ends the relationship, it is classified as bad and it seems that it gives the right to treat her badly, just because the relationship has ended, as we observed in the song Wheel wheel by Eddy Lover with verses like: “You were bad. You were poison and bad. I who gave you my heart and you spoiled it by betraying me, bad girl. You are going to pay for bad your payment is bad, I will see you to cry, beg, I know that you will cry as I have cried. "

  • Reality. Love is not possessing, it is sharing.
Romantic Love Myths and Reality - Possession

Eternal passion.

Passion has been associated with the presence of, among other things, dopamine, a brain neurotransmitter, and commonly known as "The hormone of happiness". The anthropologist Helen Fisher stated that if you want to maintain a lasting passion with your partner, you must carry out activities that stimulate both of you, that are ingenious and awaken concerns. There are people who, when this passion is diminished, associate it with a lack of love because of that unconscious idea that in love passion must always be and as at the beginning.

  • Reality. It is very common for couples to have beaks and for passion is not always like the initial.
Myths of romantic love and reality - Eternal passion

Vision of man.

One of the things that romantic love has also given us is the role to be played depending on whether you are a man or a woman. On different occasions we have been able to observe that man must be: independent, self-confident, dynamic, “thug”, seductive and with little defined affective aspects - he shows them only in extreme situations - a clear example of all this is Chuck Bass or Christian Flock. Both are cold profiles that because of who they are and with all the attributes defined above, allow to act in this way, it is also what society asks of them and what hooks the women of their around.

  • Reality. But in reality they are very unhealthy couple figures that constantly devalue women with the paternalistic attitude of her and her saving god.

They can behave as they want, but then they will do an act that will forgive them for everything they have previously committed. In this way, and also through songs, we can see how man is deprived of responsibility -by its characteristics- of certain acts committed in love relationships. A song that captures that very well is that of If i misbehave by Dasoul where phrases like And she asks me for more, even knowing that I can hurt her. It's not my fault if I misbehave. "

Myths of romantic love and reality - Vision of man

Vision of the woman.

The women who are represented in romantic love are: educated in love, insecure, tender, dependent, responsible, calm, Attentive, sensitive with very marked affective aspects and passive in the love environment, they do not seduce them but are seduced by the man. It is very common in romantic love to find ourselves called "Smurfette principle" described by the poet Katha Pollit in 1991 in an article by the New York Times.

This is characterized because most of the shows are carried out essentially only by men or are organize on that principle where a group of male friends are accented by a lonely woman defined in a way stereotyped. Giving a pretty clear message: boys are the norm, girls the exception. That is, the male characters define the group, the story and the code of values, while the female characters only exist in relation to the former. Despite the fact that all this may seem distant, since it was described in 1991, it has remained quite valid today. Some examples They are Penny at the beginning of Big Ban Theory or Princess Leya in Star Wars, Gamora at the beginning of Guardians of the Galaxy or Eleven at the beginning of Stranger Things.

In addition, when someone does not comply with these stereotypes and is more active and independent, she is classified as "bad" or "whore", and not only by men but by the women themselves who, out of fear that this might take away the most precious thing from them, “his hers man hers”, also attack him, reinforcing a macho idea about unhealthy relationships not only with men but also among women. An example of all this would be Blair Waldorf in Gossip Girl.

Finally, when we want to highlight a woman as "strong" on television, what we observe is that she they give him attributes considered “properly masculine”, they fight like them, they drink like them etc., a clear example It would be Samantha Jones from Sex in New York.

  • Reality. In all these examples we can see that as a society what is valued as strong is the masculine and the feminine as weak. That can create misconceptions when it comes to establishing an egalitarian relationship.
Myths of romantic love and reality - Vision of the woman

Omnipotence of love.

Believe that romantic love is the beginning and the end of everything. The fact of being loved is enough to solve any problem in life, it does not matter if you do not have relationship with the partner, this is still reason enough that all the other circumstances do not affect. This myth can be found in the song Your by Pablo Alborán, where it seems that everything begins and flourishes again thanks to a single person who is not yourself.

  • Reality. Giving and receiving love is a human need, but it does not have to be linked only to the partner. The couple can be an important area of ​​life, but it is not the only one, they must all be cultivated. What's more it has no magic power to solve all the problems.
Myths of romantic love and reality - Omnipotence of love

Depersonalization or belonging to the other.

If one thing you have tried to make romantic love is to develop a feeling of belonging to the other, you should do everything possible to seduce, like and prevent the other person from leaving your side, even if it means giving up who you are. A clear example of it is the Little Mermaid. In order to seduce Prince Eric, she is able to renounce her voice, his most precious gift of hers, in exchange for having legs to be able to conquer him and belong to the earthly world. Despite the fact that in the Disney movie the protagonists, in front of the avatars, have a happy ending, it is worth mentioning that in the story original written by Hans Christian Andersen, the Little Mermaid cannot conquer the prince without his voice and ends up turning into foam of sea. She gave up who she was for a third person and this fact ended up being the end of her.

  • Reality. You should always be able to be who you are healthy love does not cancel you.
Myths of romantic love and reality - Depersonalization or belonging to the other

True love lasts a lifetime.

Another of the false beliefs and myths of romantic love is "forever." It is even said that if it is true love it does not end and that, if it ends, it was not true love. Something completely false.

  • Reality. The only true love that exists throughout life is the one you give to yourself or yourself. You can share other loves with whoever you want and the time that you decide.
Romantic love myths and reality - True love lasts a lifetime

Pairing as a goal.

Romantic love has put the idea in mind that our existence will only make sense when we have a partner. The goal in life is to find that partner.

  • Reality. You must bear in mind that your existence will have the meaning that you want to give it, no one is more or less by having a partner or not. Your happiness will always depend on you and the value that you give to each fact of your life.
Myths of Romantic Love and Reality - Matchmaking as a Goal

Do not contemplate another type of love.

The relationships described in romantic love represent the heterosexual couple (man-woman), only heteronormative couples can live a movie love, the rest are excluded from the "love true".

  • Reality. Love is a feeling and does not understand gender, age, sexual orientation or other conditions.
Myths of romantic love and reality - Do not contemplate another type of love

How to demystify romantic love?

As has already been mentioned throughout the sections, the first step to avoid falling into a relationship idealized by those myths of romantic love is value oneself. And this happens by loving you first. For this it can be useful make a list of compliments.

In addition, you can also ask yourself the different questions before starting any type of relationship to Knowing what you want and what you expect, doing self-knowledge work can help us maintain relationships more healthy:

  • What is a relationship for you?
  • What do you look for when you are in a relationship?
  • What are we entitled to when we have a partner? What obligations do we have with our partner?
  • When have I been with someone, have I been able to be myself? Have I been able to do the things I liked?
  • What do I not want to tolerate in a partner?

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Myths of romantic love and reality, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

Bibliography

  • Ferrer Pérez, V., & Bosch Fiol, E. (2013). From romantic love to gender violence. For an emotional coeducation in the educational agenda. Faculty. Journal of Curriculum and Teacher Training, 17 (1), 105-122.
  • Pascual Fernández, A. (2016). On the myth of romantic love. Film loves and education. DEDICATE, 10: 63-78.
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