Why am I always afraid that my partner will leave me

  • Jul 26, 2021
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Why am I always afraid that my partner will leave me

There may come a time in your relationship when suffer more than you enjoy. This may be because you live with constant emotional ups and downs caused by the anguish that just thinking that this relationship may come to an end. So, you stop living quietly because you are aware all the time of what your partner says and does. If you are always afraid that your partner will leave you, what happens is that you have developed an attachment or emotional dependence towards that person. In this Psychology-Online article, we will analyze in more depth about "Why am I afraid that my partner will leave me". Read on and discover the most common causes.

You may also like: I want to leave my partner but I am afraid to regret it: what do I do?

Index

  1. Where does the fear of abandonment come from
  2. How to know if I am dependent on my partner
  3. 6 keys to overcome the fear of my partner leaving me

Where does the fear of abandonment come from.

Why are some people so afraid of abandonment? Where do these fears come from? The

emotional attachment or dependence it is an obsessive bond that is established with certain ideas, activities, thoughts, objects and in this case with other people. A person with a strong emotional dependence has the belief that the bond that he maintains with another gives him the security and happiness that he needs. There are people who are more prone to generating emotional dependence due to their family history and certain personal traits.

Society also exerts a great influence so that people more easily develop dependence on others. A dependency relationship is based on need and not preference. It is not the same to need than to prefer because when you need what moves you is the lack.

Below we will briefly explain some of the main factors that influence so that people are afraid that their partner will leave them.

Social origin

Society in general has been instilling in us a quite idealistic conception about what love is. So people grow up with the belief that love has to be unconditional, perfect, sacrificial, that has to last us for a lifetime, we believe that to be happy we have to find our "average Orange".

When this mentality is deeply ingrained, we tend to cling more to the idea that to be happy we need to have someone by our side and that when we have everything it has to be rosy, which can cause us a lot of suffering unnecessary. Really they don't teach us what an earthly relationship is. Which has nothing to do with perfect love, in which love towards a person does not it necessarily has to last a lifetime and in which we can be happy even after finishing the relationship.

Family history

It has been shown that the relationship that was had with parents at an early age can have repercussions when we establish an adult relationship. If you had unpredictable and contradictory parents as a child (one day they expressed affection and another not), it is more likely that when you establish an adult relationship, you will drag insecurities, jealousy, obsessions and dependency towards your partner.

It is important to take into account that parents are the role models of their children and when one or both parents have a emotional dependence on their partner, the chances that the child will also establish relationships of dependence.

Love oneself

How much do you love yourself? People who have a low self-esteem and therefore who have little love and respect for themselves, they tend to fall more easily into a situation of attachment and dependence. When you don't have enough self-love, personal interests are put aside and other people's interests are given greater importance. The person feels unable to get ahead on their own and feels that they are incomplete.

On the contrary, a person who feels love for herself is an independent person who establishes calmer relationships in which her dignity and personal worth are not at stake. Who knows what happiness is in herself and does not need anyone to be calm. In this other article we will tell you how be happy without depending on anyone.

Why am I always afraid that my partner will leave me - Where does the fear of abandonment come from

How to know if I am dependent on my partner.

On many occasions we can have doubts about the extent to which we can be considered to have a healthy dependence, so to speak, towards our partner and when it has become a dependence or emotional attachment harmful.

It is perfectly normal that we want to spend a lot of time with the couple, especially at the beginning of the relationship, because we are barely getting to know each other and other important factors such as infatuation. However, when that stage has already been passed and the relationship is more consolidated, it is time to return to "Normal life" and, apart from spending time with your partner, you also have to dedicate it to family, friends, hobbies and goals personal.

These are some signs that will let you know if you have developed a dependency relationship towards your partner. All you have to do is identify yourself with one to confirm it.

  • You put aside the people and things that matter to you and dedicate your time exclusively to your partner
  • You focus only on the goals that you both have in common and you forget about yours.
  • You spend most of your time watching that person
  • Your emotional state depends on that person
  • Your happiness depends on your relationship
  • You have the feeling that you feel protected by your partner. Without her by your side you feel insecure
  • You think it is essential for your life
  • You suffer more than you enjoy the relationship due to the emotional ups and downs caused by the constant fear of abandonment
  • You constantly ask yourself: why am I always afraid that my partner will leave me

6 keys to overcome the fear of my partner leaving me.

Remember your personal goals and objectives

Remember that probably before meeting your partner or generating this dependency bond, you had your own personal goals. Think about what they were, review them and visualize yourself achieving them every day so that you begin to recover that motivation that you have lost and give you the push to get back on track towards them.

Focus on you

Focusing on oneself and our well-being does not mean that one is selfish. You are probably giving your partner more priority at the moment than yourself and this does not have to be the case. Remember that in order for you to have a healthy relationship, you both have to feel self-fulfilled and liking themselves since if only one is, in the short or long term they will begin to have conflicts.

Reinforce your self love

Remember that in order to give love to others, you must first love yourself since you cannot offer something that you do not have. If you have self-esteem problems and you don't feel enough love for yourself, it's time you start working on yourself to increase it. If you think that you have tried in many ways and you still cannot love and accept yourself, it is recommended that attend with a professional, who will support you so that you can increase it and you can love and respect yourself as it should to be.

Connect with more people

For any relationship, it is detrimental for one or both parties to isolate themselves from everyone else, this in the long run can bring many problems, not only for the relationship but also individually. It is essential to stay in contact with other people, such as friends, family, schoolmates, work, etc. as well as expanding our social circle. All the affective relationships that we generate throughout life are valuable and not only that of a couple.

Do activities that you like

Take advantage of your free time to go to do those activities that you like so much and that you enjoy individually or that you can do with other people. If you haven't yet found those activities that you are so passionate about, start by trying different things to find them. This will help you to further strengthen your self-esteem, to distract you and to realize that not only can you have a good time with your couple and that you can also do things that motivate you, inspire you and with which you feel completely comfortable and happy.

Practice meditation

The regular practice of meditation has many benefits. Among them, it helps us focus our attention to the present moment and regulate our emotions. How can this benefit us? When we find ourselves sad, sensitive, afraid that the partner will leave us, we begin to generate thoughts about the future, such as example: "this relationship can end at any moment", "if my partner leaves me I will feel terrible", "I will not be able to live without him or without her ", etc. which causes us more anguish and suffering.

Meditation helps us change our perspective about those thoughts. It calms our mind by focusing on the present moment, helps us to realize that truly in the here and now nothing is happening and that we can enjoy what we are living in these moments.

In this other article we discover you meditation techniques for beginners.

Why I am always afraid that my partner will leave me - 6 keys to overcome the fear that my partner will leave me

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why am I always afraid that my partner will leave me, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

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