The importance of caresses in the couple

When they caress us we feel that they love us and by being "someone" to others, we respond to their caresses. Sometimes we complain because significant people do not provide us with the caresses we need, others that caresses do not are the appropriate ones (that we are in Jupiter and the others in Saturn) and others that instead of caresses we receive constant reproaches.

In this PsychologyOnline article, we talk about the importance of caresses in the couple and the meaning they have.

Index

1. The opportune caresses
2. The caresses of the lover
3. The law of abundance of caresses

Aristotle built his ethics on the principle of prudence because he understood that virtue was an equidistant middle point between two extremes. For Stagirite the abundance of caresses would be as pernicious as their scarcity. Thus, the value of caresses It comes from what we might call the "gift of opportunity."

In the same way that we need a certain level of oxygen to live - both excessive and insufficient do not allow us to breathe properly-

It is when we fall in love that all the flow of caresses emerges that we are able to offer and demand. Unfortunately, in general we do not live eternally in love and we return to the usual level of caresses.

From a psychotherapeutic perspective, what is really important is realize -beyond the inexhaustible source of caresses that emanate when we feel full- both the caresses we need and the ones we provide habitually.

The transactional analysis psychotherapy has proposed the "Law of abundance of caresses". This law is made up of five precepts: give positive caresses when appropriate, ask for the positive caresses you need, accept the positive caresses you deserve, do not accept the destructive negative caresses and give yourself positive caresses same.

• Give positive touches when appropriate. It is about figuring out what kind of caresses each person needs the most and giving them to them. Acceptance of the other implies respecting their individuality and maximizing their store of positive caresses.
• Ask for positive caresses that you need. Many times we hope that others are fortune-tellers, we wait for their caresses without telling them absolutely anything that we really need. Communication is key in any type of relationship, but on many occasions we get used to faulty or failed communications. From a psychotherapeutic perspective, it is best to be direct, take risks, and learn from experience.
• Accept the positive touches you deserve. Self-esteem largely defines our self-concept. When they give us positive caresses we have to accept them and welcome the person who gives them to us, otherwise they will get tired of being rejected. On the other hand, a torrent of positive caresses without accepting some negative caresses would lead us to a wasteland: accepting mistakes without losing value is a sign of high self-esteem and security in one same.
• Don't accept destructive negative caresses. You have to know your limits and not allow yourself to be rated either below or above them. An inflated ego requires to rise from deflated egos to crush them mercilessly. Accepting strokes have a powerful influence on the internal frame of reference.
• Give yourself positive caresses. You have the right to love yourself and accept yourself as you are. Perfectibility is a worthy aspiration, but we have to accept that we are wrong because we are human. It is as necessary to admit strengths and strengths (in moderation), as it is to recognize defects or mistakes (but without losing value). You have to be able to laugh at yourself, to reward yourself for doing things well: making love, reading, playing games, listening to music, etc.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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