My PARTNER puts his FAMILY before him, is it normal?

For most of the people, the family is a very important pillar of our life. In fact, it is where we come from and in large part who has made us who we are. They are the first social contact we have. They satisfy our material, emotional and intellectual needs. However, what happens when we are unable to establish new links because we do not separate from it? It is then that we find ourselves in a situation of dependence on family.

As the years go by, the family continues to be a great support for most people, although new important figures also appear such as: friendships, co-workers and the partner. A vital moment comes when the person must "leave the nest" and begin his life autonomously, maintaining ties with his family but carving his own path. From Psychology-Online we want to offer to solve the following doubt: Is it normal for my partner to put his family first?

Index

1. My partner is emotionally dependent on his family
2. Is it normal for my partner to give priority to his family?
3. What to do when your partner prefers his family?

Being emotionally dependent on the family can be an impediment to starting one's own life; that is to say, to be able to get to form your own family.

It may happen that we meet people who, because of how they have related to their family, develop a relationship pattern with a lot of insecurity. Sometimes, without realizing it and unconsciously, parents transmit certain fears and mistrust towards the external, making only the home and the well-known perceived as safe. The person, then, can relate to new people with certain fears and perceive situations not known as threatening, with great respect for starting new paths and relationships. This fact may be a source of anxiety and discomfort for those who live them and are diminished by returning home, where everything is known and perceived as safe.

As already mentioned above, the family is a very important part of a person's life, since it is the first contact with the world that we have. In fact, having problems with it is a source of discomfort for many people. Even so, putting it before it is not always a normal fact, we must find a balance with other relationships.

People we must establish more ties in addition to family members. The maturation of an individual also goes through leaving home and establishing more relationships that allow us to see, observe and learn, different forms of relationship and even adopt those that we believe are useful for our growth. In fact, many people report having had teachers who have marked them, who have been a role model, or friends who can also be a reference.

A person whose family has provided a secure base for relating to the world will be one who is capable of explore new opportunities and new challenges, establish new relationships - since from his family he will have received the necessary confidence to be able to explore - and he will also have the certainty that it will be there no matter what happens. This will facilitate the skills to establish a harmony between new links and new priorities, keeping the family as one of them. On the other hand, those people in their home who have perceived new relationships and experiences as something threatening to them It will be a greater challenge to prioritize new relationships over those already known, which are the ones that make you feel a safety.

If your partner always puts his family first, prefers plans with them and values ​​their opinion more, it is normal that you feel displaced or uncomfortable. How to embroider the situation?

1. Express compression

It is important for your partner to see that you understand that family is also an important support for you and that you understand the importance that family gives it. Make him understand that your intention is not at any time to distance him from this but to find a balance between the family and his other relationships, in this case you as a couple.

2. Communicate your emotions

Even so, it is also essential that you can communicate to him what emotions appear in you regarding that constant priority that is given to him. For this it is important that you express how it makes you feel the fact that his family always goes before you. Remember to do it one way assertive and empathetic: “I understand that family is very important to you, but sometimes this makes me feel excluded, in no case I want you to stop seeing them or to get away from it, but that we can look for different moments to dedicate to both of them".

In the following article you will find techniques to develop assertiveness, the ability to express our opinions while respecting those of others.

3. Find a balance

Try to negotiate with your partner certain aspects of the relationship, for example, fixing that, at least one day a week you will go to have dinner together or that one weekend a month you will try to make a special plan and even organize a lunch or dinner with the friends. In this way, little by little you will discover that you can make other plans in which you can be comfortable without your family present all the time. For the negotiation to be fruitful, sometimes it may also be important to show support for your family, also offering to make some joint plan, if the couple wants. So you can go combining couple plans with time for family and activities with friendships.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to My partner puts his family first, is this normal?, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Bowlby, J. (2003). Affective bonds: formation, development and loss. Madrid: Morata.