Many think that forgiving an infidelity is not having dignity, others believe that it is good and it is okay. And it is that infidelity is an abstract concept and anchored to subjectivity, since each person establishes their own limits of respect and loyalty in the couple.
In general terms, infidelity can be understood as affectionate contact with another person different from your partner, be it boyfriend / girlfriend, spouse or person with whom you have a bond official. Forgiving an infidelity or not is a very popular debate nowadays. Therefore, in this Online Psychology article we answer the most controversial question about infidelity: Can infidelity be forgiven?
Index
- After an infidelity, when to continue and when not?
- Can you forgive an infidelity in your marriage and trust again?
- How to treat your partner after an infidelity
- How to get over an infidelity
After an infidelity, when to continue and when not?
First of all, it is important
In the same way, the duration and frequency of infidelity. For example, find out if you debate about forgiving an infidelity in the courtship, if it has been punctual and fleeting, or if the infidelity has been repeated and a connection has been established with the other person at the sentimental.
In such a case, we would be talking about how to forgive an emotional infidelity. If you do not know what we mean, it will help you to consult our post about Signs of emotional infidelity. Another point to take into account is the issue of the family, if you have children in common, if there is no bond that unites you beyond the relationship or if.
Forgive infidelity or not
The decision to continue with your partner after an infidelity is a personal choiceSince, no one knows better than you what you feel about the other person and how infidelity has affected you. But if it is important to bear in mind that if infidelity is going to be a psychological and emotional burden, as well as a constant reproach against the couple, it would be interesting to rethink the relationship.
Once all the aforementioned areas have been evaluated, it would be necessary to weigh the consequences of our decision and ask oneself if it is worth rebuilding the relationship. If you decide on the latter case, we leave you our following article to help you do it: How to overcome an infidelity and stay with your partner.
Can you forgive an infidelity in your marriage and trust again?
The answer to this question is yes. If you can forgive an infidelity in your marriage and if you can trust your partner again, it's all a matter of working together in solving the problems that exist in the relationship and enhancing communication between both to emerge strengthened from said event. The first thing to do is detect origin of that infidelity in order to make sense of what happened.
The most important thing is to forgive. Forgive yourself for committing for being unfaithful and forgive the other for having been unfaithful. If we are not able to forgive sincerely, it will be very difficult to regain trust in the other and in the relationship. Therefore, both have to use empathy as a healing tool, bearing in mind that this can be a long process.
It is also essential to share both the positives and negatives that you both see in the relationship. In order to enhance the positive and work to eliminate the negative, and thus rebuild the relationship together and with a strong foundation. This step is essential to detect the needs and desires of the other. To help you in this step, read our post How to overcome an infidelity in marriage.
How long does it take to forgive an infidelity
Another thing to keep in mind in the confidence recovery in the couple is time. We must be aware of our pain, embrace it and allow ourselves to cry and bring out everything that torments us. Give us the opportunity to resolve our doubts, to ask questions, to identify reasons and to establish limits. We have to respect our rate of healing.
Finally, it is essential to be honest. Whether we decide to continue the relationship or if we prefer to end it. First of all, we have to be honest with ourselves and know if we can really forgive and continue to form a healthy relationship or if, on the contrary, continuing with the relationship will mean a loss of well-being.
Second, if we decide to continue with our partner, work on mutual sincerity to be able to count on the other person when we have doubts or are not feeling safe with the partner. For more information consult How to save my marriage.
How to treat your partner after an infidelity.
When we decide to continue with our partner after an infidelity, once we have clarified the situation, identified the aspects to improve and we have re-established the limits, it is very important that both commit to what was agreed and become still normal treatment.
Normal refers to the treatment we would have if the infidelity had not occurred, that is, to behave with the other as always, taking into account the aspects to improve that have been agreed upon. The most important thing is to treat yourself from love and respect, avoiding negative attitudes. It may help you to consult our article on How to act in the face of infidelity.
Since, if we continue to act from resentment or focus daily on what happened, it will be impossible to resume a healthy relationship since We will be constantly situated in the past, wondering why the infidelity and reliving the discomfort caused by said infidelity. event. After an infidelity you can be happy and you can choose to forgive an infidelity and trust again.
How to overcome an infidelity.
Forgiving an infidelity is good if that is your choice. But, what happens after forgiving an infidelity? Giving your relationship a second chance and trusting again will be easier if you follow the following guidelines. These are simple behaviors that can be performed individually from home:
Improve self esteem
To overcome an infidelity you have to work on two levels. On the one hand, we must work on ourselves, on strengthening our self-esteem and security. We can do this by dedicating time to our self-care and to carry out pleasant activities independently of our partner.
On the Online Psychology website you will find articles that will help you at this point, such as How to improve self-esteem or How to raise your self-esteem.
Work on the couple's relationship
How to treat your partner after an infidelity? Would have to improve communication between the two to avoid confusing situations, and thus, promote trust and sincerity. It would also be necessary to share time, both for leisure and reflection, to enjoy together and rekindle passion and feelings.
As well as, to share the needs and concerns of each one and to be able to solve and deal with the problems that arise. If you are interested in improving at this point, we recommend you consult our post on Lack of communication in the couple: causes, symptoms and solutions.
Go to therapy
You also have to take into account the emotional factor, that many occasions do not allow us to control the situation. For this reason, it is essential to ask for help and have the advice of a psychology professional to facilitate this task. Since, sometimes the discomfort that an infidelity can create in us cannot be eliminated by ourselves.
In addition, the fact that they are unfaithful to us is not only a betrayal on the part of our partner, but that they have a very powerful impact in our self-esteem and in how we perceive ourselves and the concept that remains of love relationships. Therefore, there would be many things to work on whether you decide to continue with your relationship or not.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to Can infidelity be forgiven?, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.
Bibliography
Camacho, J. (2004). Fidelity and infidelity in couple relationships. Buenos Aires, Argentina: Dunken Editions. Available in: https://www.fundacionforo.com/uploads/pdfs/archivo42.pdf
Romo, A. V. E., Romero, F. AND. C., & García, L. F. (2014). Social perception of infidelity and love styles in the couple. Teaching and research in psychology, 19(1), 135-147. Available in: https://www.redalyc.org/pdf/292/29232614008.pdf
Vanegas Osorio, J. H. (2011). The dynamic linking jealousy-infidelity. Psychological thinking, 9(17), 97-102. Available in: http://www.scielo.org.co/pdf/pepsi/v9n17/v9n17a09.pdf
