How to control anger and anger with my partner

Living with someone or simply having a relationship with another person and creating a bond is open to discussion, especially if we take into account the individual differences of each one in the way of relating, of doing things and of managing or expressing emotions, or even the simple fact of communicate. This does not mean that you do not have to discuss, because the discussions of the couple are healthy, insofar as each one can express their opinion and this can generate discrepancies.

The problem comes when these discussions begin to escalate and cause outbursts of anger or anger that we cannot control and that later, neither we nor our partner, feels proud. That is why in this Psychology-Online article we explain some tips that you can apply if you ask yourself "How to control anger and anger with my partner?". So if you are interested, do not hesitate, keep reading!

Index

1. Keep calm
2. Perform relaxation techniques
3. use empathy
4. be more assertive
5. Share how you feel frequently
6. do physical exercise
7. Change the focus of attention
8. Change your thoughts and words
9. use humor
10. Improve your personal situation
11. Be flexible and look for alternatives

How to act if you are angry with your partner? The first thing is to try to maintain a neutral state and an emotional balance while you are discussing will make you think clearly and see things from another perspective, also making it so that, if your partner is the one who is most excited, they can control your anger by seeing that you remain calm.

Ultimately, both of you yelling, insulting and belittling the other will make the situation worse, and this is what we want to avoid, so it is advisable to offer space at the time of discussion.

If you ask yourself "How to calm my anger with my partner?", you should know that, to stay calm, as we mentioned in the first section, it is important to have knowledge of some relaxation techniques that help us to be in that calm and balanced state emotional.

Some exercises to control anger, although they require prior training in order to integrate them, are:

• The diaphragmatic breathing deep.
• The mantras that help us to be relaxed.
• Visualizations: imagine yourself in a place that gives you peace of mind.
• Relaxing activities: these can be the Yoga either mindfulness, which help to be in a more relaxed state.

Before you complain about something, or start an argument without controlling your anger and anger with your partner, ask yourself the following question: What will my complaint bring? How will it make you feel? Will you be able to do something to change it at this time?

This is a way of put yourself in another's place and see if it is time to say what we are going to say, if it is the forms and why we are going to say it. Sometimes this little reflection can save us from many problems and unnecessary discussions that lead nowhere.

The assertiveness is one of the 3 communication styles (assertive, passive and aggressive) and focuses on expressing, with empathy and in a calm manner, what can bother us about the other, putting the focus on us and not using "your messages" that make the person feel attacked.

For create an assertive message we must take into account:

1. Briefly describe the situation or behavior that bothers us, without judging.
2. Describe the consequences or effects of this behavior.
3. Express the feelings it causes you.
4. Express the alternative that you would like me to do.
5. Thank.

It is important that after communicating assertively you also be open to dialogue with your partner.

Sometimes with topics that can generate conflict, it is easy to choose to remain silent, avoid conflict, and not express our opinion or our feelings. This belief is not true since, if we do not express it, it does not mean that it does not affect us or disappear from our heads. It's still there and there comes a day when you can't take it anymore and you let go of everything. The famous "drop that broke the camel's back" would not arrive if we emptied it little by little.

Physical exercise, in addition to being healthy for our physical health, is important to release hormones that help emotional regulation and well-being, so it will make you feel better if you practice it and that it is a safe place in which can discharge pent-up anger energetically.

Many times we find ourselves immersed in a loop in which everything is negative and we can only see the negative things of the other. If we are at this point, it is important that we put the brakes on and do some exercises to control anger to change the focus to what is positive in our life and in the other.

It is important to thank every day what we already have and, at the end of the day, think about the positive things that we have passed, it will help you focus more on what makes you happy, and not so much on the things that make you happy. bother.

Another thing that is healthy in couples is say positive things what the other has or what makes us feel, just as we think of complaining when we don't like something, we all like to be praised for what we have positive.

The way we think conditions us in the way we see life and how we communicate with the rest. Therefore, cognitive restructuring it must be done from the base, in this case, the thoughts.

In the moment of anger there is a tendency for people to curse, insult and speak in absolutist and bawdy terms that reflect internal thoughts. For this reason, it will be important to practice assertiveness also internally with oneself and change focus.

The so-called "silly humor" can help to relax the atmosphere and calm the anger from a more balanced perspective. We're not talking about satirical or tongue-in-cheek humor right now, as that wouldn't be healthy either.

One of the exercises to control anger in this area could be literally picture the word on the person you want to insult. For example, if we want to tell someone that he is a clown, we can imagine him dressed as a clown or even draw him as a way of controlling anger and anger with his partner.

In the event that you ask yourself "Why do I get so angry with my partner?", you should know that, sometimes, what we have is a tendency to anger and anger against our partner can be a cause of the lack of esteem Y confidence in ourselves, that we should work in order to be better with ourselves and with our partner.

There are situations in which we can avoid conflict without falling into avoidance behaviors. For example, if you know that going shopping with your partner makes you angry and you always end up arguing but he/she is excited for you to accompany him/her, maybe you can find an alternative solution that does not generate conflict.

Perhaps you can take the opportunity to run other errands while he/she is shopping and thus, you will also make the most of your time. It's a matter of being open and find the best for both.

Now that we have solved your question "How to control anger and anger with my partner", we recommend that you consult our posts How to control anger and aggressiveness Y How to overcome a relationship crisis to continue learning.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to How to control anger and anger with my partner, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.

• Angel, (2010). Strategies to control your anger. APA. Recovered from: https://www.apa.org/topics/anger/estrategias
• del Cojo, M., (s.f.). Attacks of anger in the couple. How to manage them? Claritas Institute. Recovered from: https://institutoclaritas.com/ataques-de-ira-en-la-pareja-como-gestionarlos/