Happiness. Our mouths are full talking about her in recent times, but what happens when we are not happy? What do we do to remedy it? Let's start at the beginning. Some say that happiness is found in the little things, while others argue that happiness it is a global state in which you find yourself and where you can be happy, but have moments of sadness or bassoon.
In couple relationships, some believe that happiness and suffering go hand in hand, since many times we fail to achieve the goal of being happy. In this Psychology-Online article we will analyze the following situation: I'm not happy with my partner, but I can't leave her, what do I do? We will help you identify if you are no longer happy with your partner, why and we will give you some tips to deal with this situation.
The reason why you no longer feel as happy with your partner may be a very specific one or perhaps a combination of several factors that have led you to that. Here are some tips to know if you are happy with your partner or not:
- Observe the physical and emotional connection between you: the connection that exists in a couple, both physical and emotional, is very important to feel united to that person and to be able to create a bond. If you feel that it is disappearing, or you no longer feel comfortable with what that bond you created at the time is like, it is likely to make you less happy.
- you have bad communication: lack of communication generates misunderstandings and can make us feel less understood by our partner, who does not understand us, who is not offering us what we want or even who has changed without reason. All of this could make you feel less happy as he is not meeting your needs. In this situation, we recommend you read this article on how to improve communication in the couple.
- You constantly compare the current situation with the past: people are constantly changing, in fact, as Heraclitus said, "the only constant is change". This affects us on a personal and individual level of each one and how we relate to the people around us. It may be that you disagree or feel that you no longer fit into your partner's life because they have changed, or that she/he no longer fits into your life with your changes.
- Everything he says and does annoys you: Anything irritates you and that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you identify the reason, it is something that you can try to solve, but, if not, you should consider some points in the relationship.
- You are not interested in the relationship: you do not make plans nor do you feel like making plans. This is an important turning point and one where you will have to inspect deeply to know if you want to fight to continue with that person, or if it is simply time to turn the page.
- You feel sad and off when you are together: if something that used to fill you with energy and vitality now no longer does, it is probably because it does not make you feel joyful and happy.
- You feel that love or respect is over: there are times when we can notice that lack of feelings towards our partner or even lack of respect, how could it be that he no longer tells you when he is not going to come home to eat nor does he count on you to any. It may also be that this feeling of friendship appears over the love of a couple and makes you feel more unhappy.
- You feel that you have been betrayed or disappointed: when this feeling appears it is difficult to let it go and, above all, it is probably haunting you by the head constantly making you not quite be calm, which can generate unhappiness in the relationship. In this article, we show you how to get over a betrayal.
Love relationships and those that generate well-being have a basic biological mechanism in which it is involved dopamine. In addition, learning processes such as habituationboth biologically and behaviorally. It works in the following way:
- emotional instability: when something new appears in our life, such as a partner, it generates an emotional instability that produces an increase in some of neurotransmitters and substances also involved in the processes of drug dependence.
- Stabilization: the repeated presence of a stimulus, such as a partner, produces changes in the transmission of nervous impulses of the neurons involved, so that initial emotional instability is stabilizes.
- Abstinence: when we cut a relationship, that level that has stabilized upwards in the presence of the partner, decreases when it is not present suddenly. Thus, those neurons that had become accustomed to receiving high levels of dopamine, among others, notice that it is missing and this causes something similar to abstinence syndrome.
In this way, the answer to the question why I can't leave my partner if I'm not happy is similar to the answer to the question why can't I stop using a toxic substance when I'm harming.
If you wonder what to do if you are no longer comfortable with your partner and you do not know how to deal with the situation, these tips may come in handy:
- Seriously consider the reasons why you want to leave her and if it is what you want: If so, it could be useful to ask for help from people around you, or even professionals such as psychologists, to help you with this.
- Work on improving your self-esteem and confidence: Sometimes, it may be that you "can't" leave your partner because of fears, such as I won't find anyone who loves me the same, what others will think, what am I going to do now, etc. In this article, we teach you how to improve self esteem.
- Reflect and communicate: think about what is essential for you in a couple and if they fulfill it or not. If you are not happy but you do not want to leave her, you can try to solve those aspects that make you unhappy with your partner and see how everything evolves. You can also discuss it with him/her and see if, between the two of you, you can find a solution.
- Activate your closest social network: feeling accompanied in these situations is very important to you and will help you see things from another perspective. Sometimes your loved ones can give you the push you need to do it and you won't feel alone in this.
Keep in mind the following phrase by Anaís Nin, coined in the book Flexible Happiness by Jenny Moix (2015): "And the day came when the risk I ran to stay inside the cocoon was more painful than the one I ran to bloom.".
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to I'm not happy with my partner, but I can't leave her, what do I do?, we recommend that you enter our category of Feelings.
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I'm not happy with my partner, but I can't leave her, what do I do?
