Love is considered one of the most addictive drugs, due to the amount of dopamine it produces in our body. Sometimes, love also creates a "withdrawal syndrome" that can lead to anxiety in the couple. On the other hand, the feeling of being loved resembles the pleasure of opiates, that is, every relationship positive love provokes in the brain circuits the same sensation of pleasure as the most common drugs. synthetic.
The gratification of the drug addict with his drug is reproduced biologically, in the same way as the pleasure of feeling connected with loved ones. For this reason, when we begin to feel anxiety about our partner, we must reverse these circuits again to once again perceive that gratification when being with him or her. In this Psychology-Online article we explain why your partner makes you anxious and what to do in this situations.
How do I know if I have relationship anxiety? Anxiety is an anticipatory response to a future threat, associated with muscle tension, vigilance in relation to future danger, and cautious or avoidant behaviors. Sometimes the level of
To really know if your partner is causing you anxiety, you should look for any of these symptoms when you are together or when you think about him/her:
- High negative valence regarding your partner.
- excessive avoidance and escape from your partner and the associated stimuli that can cause a feeling of well-being.
- Wrong estimates of threat, that is, the meanings attributed to the stimulus (your partner) and the response derived from fear.
- Loss of interest and avoidance of satisfying activities.
- You are not looking for new sensations.
- Excessive fear of separation It affects a large number of everyday situations.
- This fear stems from a normal evolutionary fear based on attachment theories.
- Roots in the attachment system and implies the figures with which it is linked.
- show a high sensitivity when observed, evaluated or disapproved during their performance before your partner or in their relationship with others.
- Establish marked and strict rules about what is meant by proper behavior.
- Have a low self-esteem.
- Suffer anticipatory anxiety.
Next, we show you the possible reasons why your partner causes you anxiety:
Separation anxiety (insecure attachment)
Attachment theory, pioneered by John Bowlby, deals with the universal human need to form emotional bonds narrow ones to be able to resort to in moments of suffering or stress. Self-image is related to the degree to which anxiety about being rejected or abandoned is experienced, so people who have a positive view of themselves tend to experience low anxiety in these cases, since they consider themselves worthy of being loved and cared for.
On the contrary, people who have a negative view of themselves tend to express concern and fear of abandoning their attachment figure. Similarly, people with insecure attachment tend to display less caring behavior towards the other and to have more negative expectations regarding the support of the partner, which would result in a lower satisfaction. People with insecure attachment styles are more reactive to their partner's negative behaviors and experience less satisfaction than people with secure attachments.
fears and insecurities
The image of the other would be associated with the degree of avoidance that the person manifests regarding close relationships. In this way, people who have a positive image of the other in terms of their reliability and availability will have an easier time establishing close relationships. On the contrary, those little perceptive people who have a negative view of others, will tend to avoid becoming more intimately involved in the links.
These two dimensions, anxiety and avoidance, have been associated with different aspects of interpersonal functioning, so a lack of confidence could contribute to greater anxiety in front of your partner, so one way to decrease anxiety could be to increase the confidence.
Situations external to your partner
Some external situations can make your partner psychologically exhaust you and generate anxiety. Some examples of these possible problems that affect our relationship can be infertility, work stress, lack of time and an independent space at home or past experiences with other couples, among others.
When your partner causes you anxiety, it is important to know what are the causes that are causing that to surface in you in order to attack them. Once identified, it will be easier for us to find the solution to said problem.
Here we explain what you can do to stop your partner from giving you anxiety:
- Manage emotional dependency: the emotional dependence it is a set of addictive behaviors towards other people that produce role asymmetries. Jorge Castelló defines it as a "persistent pattern of unsatisfied emotional needs that are try to cover maladaptively with other people”, something that can generate anxiety if it is not deck. Therefore, it would be convenient to work on the management of dependency in order to reduce anxiety.
- Increase trust in the couple.
- improve your self-esteem: having a positive perception of yourself will help reduce that anxiety and fear of being rejected.
- go to therapy: when the anxiety we feel with our partner comes from the attachment relationship we have, due to our lack of self-esteem or confidence, going to therapy with a psychologist can help us acquire tools that help us manage the situation in the best way way.
- Assess continuity: in some cases, we can realize that this anxiety comes from how our partner is being at the moment, something that can be done question the continuity of the relationship if we value that neither he or she nor we are promoting any change that helps us feel more relaxed.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.