Why my partner does not understand me and what to do

  • Aug 26, 2022
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Why my partner does not understand me and what to do

Taking into account that we are totally different people from each other, it is most likely that we will find ourselves in situations in which that other people cannot fully understand what happens to us or what we feel, or they do not understand it as we would like them to they did This unpleasant feeling of misunderstanding increases when the person we want to understand us is our partner, since that in these cases the feeling of misunderstanding can bring out other feelings such as disappointment, anger or even frustration.

For this reason, in this Psychology-Online article we will explain why your partner does not understand you and what you can do in this situation, what consequences misunderstanding can have in a couple and what may be the reasons that have led us to it.

You may also like: My partner does not love me but is still with me: why and what to do


  1. Because my partner does not understand me
  2. What happens if a couple does not understand each other
  3. What to do if I don't understand my partner

Because my partner does not understand me.

Do you feel that your partner does not understand you? There can be many reasons why your partner does not understand you, depending on the situation, the stage of the relationship, the moment and the people involved. Despite this ambiguity, we have collected some of the most outstanding:

Language of love

You and your partner may not understand each other in some ways if you use the expression of your affection in different ways. Gary Chapman defines 5 love languages ​​to show and receive affection according to different modal preferences, exposed below:

  1. Words: We express affection by verbalizing words of encouragement, support, affection, congratulations, praise, kindness or humility towards others. They are words that are sometimes said without thinking and have a very positive effect on the other person, increasing their self esteem, your safety and your well-being.
  2. Quality time: enjoy time by sharing it with the person you love, listening to him/her and being listened to, without rushing or other distractions.
  3. Gifts and details: the person who is working on making or getting a gift enjoys from the moment he has the idea until after he has given it, without expecting more than her smile. It may be because it is handmade, or because of the simple fact that they have thought of you and your partner when making the gift.
  4. acts of service: performing favors or services on their own initiative and generating satisfaction in the person who performs them for the simple fact of performing them. These acts include cooking, going to a distant place, or taking care of certain tasks, etc.
  5. Physical contact: For some people, physical contact is their main language, since it makes them feel safe and happy, and without this language they do not feel loved. Within physical contact we can find kisses, caresses, hugs or sexual acts


On other occasions it may be that the lack of understanding with your partner is due to a lack of communication between the two and for taking for granted how things should be done in the relationship or other aspects that are related.

In general, we have a tendency to believe that others will act, think and feel in the same way as us, however, this is not the case. For this reason, everything that we do not explicitly communicate will be subject to the interpretation of the other person, which on more than one occasion can lead to errors and disappointments.

Upbringing in different environments.

Upbringing in different environments and the time in which it has grown can cause big differences in the couple,, even being culturally equal.

Also, although this does not have to be an insurmountable problem in couple relationships, it is important to bear in mind that a of the reasons why you do not understand each other may be a consequence of the fact that the references you use to assess your experiences are different.

Why my partner does not understand me and what to do - Because my partner does not understand me

What happens if a couple does not understand each other.

The consequences of your partner's lack of understanding may vary depending on your interpretation of this fact or the subject or area in which they are not understanding you. However, the most likely consequence of a lack of understanding in the relationship will be generating a conflict between the two.

It is possible that if your partner does not understand you, you feel misunderstood and you may even disappointed if you expected that person to understand you and they are not, which in turn can lead to fights and arguments.

Why my partner does not understand me and what to do - What happens if a couple does not understand each other

What to do if I don't understand my partner.

What do I do if my partner does not understand me? Here are some tips to improve understanding in your relationship:

Enhances empathy and creates empathic understanding

First, create an active intent by know the experiences and situations that your partner lives, make an effort to capture their communication and its meaning, as well as to translating their words and signals into experiential meanings is a good way to get along better with your partner.

Work on conflict resolution

Work together on conflict resolution as a negotiating tool it can help you understand your partner and, in turn, help him or her understand you. If you want to know more about the subject, in the following article we explain the Types of conflicts and their resolution.

Encourage an assertive style

don't forget about take into account your rights from an empathic perspective when you communicate with your partner. Explain how you feel in that particular situation, what is bothering you and what solution you propose for it.

Likewise, avoid accusations and general messages towards him or her when it is a particular situation that is bothering you. Remember that truth without compassion is cruelty.


Lastly, despite the fact that there are some things in which you disagree and that can generate conflict situations on occasion, thank what your partner does well and that makes you feel loved and valued will help to improve the situation more efficiently.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to Why my partner does not understand me and what to do, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.


  • Chapman, G. (2009). The five languages ​​of love. Life Way Spanish.
  • Varela, M. YO. A. (2009). Empathetic understanding and negotiation styles in the couple relationship. Mediation tools. International Journal of Psychology, 10(02), 1-14.
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