What it means to be defensive and how to avoid it

Being defensive is a behavior that does not usually have positive consequences for the person who carries it out or for those around him. Those who act defensively often behave this way due to insecurities and primal fears. Although the purpose of this behavior is to defend oneself and protect oneself from being hurt, in reality the only thing What is achieved with this is that the people around you distance themselves from you because of your behaviors hurtful.

In the following Psychology-Online article we are going to explain what it means to be defensive and how to avoid it. We tell you what this type of behavior is due to, the consequences it causes, and how to redirect it towards another, more affable type of behavior.

Index

1. Meaning of being defensive
2. Why the defensive attitude appears
3. Consequences of being defensive
4. How to avoid being defensive

Being on the defensive means being constantly alert and controlling our surroundings with the

Some examples of being defensive would be the following:

• Verbally assault the interlocutor.
• Make use of strong irony.
• Use denial.
• Show that everything is perfect even if this is not the reality.
• Show high degrees of distrust.
• Fearful, avoidant and/or fleeing behaviors.

How to know if a person is defensive

A person who tends to be defensive surely has an open emotional wound that they do not recognize and, therefore, often does not realize that they are unfairly attacking those around them. Surely, it will manifest the following symptoms:

• does not listen to others or gives the impression that he does not.
• use many excuses.
• Explain the causes of the problems to justify your behavior.
• blame others for your attitude.
• He doesn't like being told "you did the same thing."
• Focuses more on other people's mistakes than on your own.
• He tends to interpret everything others say as he wants.
• feeling that your personal integrity is constantly under attack and will react accordingly.
• Perceives the behavior of others as a intrusion into personal space.
• hypersensitivity problem that pushes to defend himself from everything. If you want to know how to react in these situations, we recommend you read this article on how to deal with a highly sensitive person.

The defensive attitude appears for reasons as varied as people use said defensive mechanism. What all of them have in common is the fact that they have a strong wound in the depths of the soul. This wound causes a strong attitude of distrust towards people and towards the world in general. This lack of trust leads people to remain hypervigilant for any possible danger that may arise.

The constant fear of being hit again, just as they experienced in a past situation. causes this attack behavior that allows defending against possible attacks, even before they occur. Some life experiences that can lead to defensive behavior they could be:

• Physical abuse during childhood.
• Negligence and abandonment of the parents.
• Authoritarian parenting.
• Bullying school or work.
• Gender violence.

If you want to know more, in this article you will see why there are distrustful people and how to deal with them.

Being defensive tells others that you don't want them to get too close to you. Therefore, one of the main consequences of being on the defensive is that people just get tired of this behavior distrustful and they end up walking away and take distance.

Those who try to relate to defensive people find it difficult to understand why, every time they try to get close, they are hit, mocked, protected or protected. they flee from the situation. Not knowing the root causes of their behavior and not understanding it as a defensive fear mechanism, after Insist to a greater or lesser extent, they end up abandoning their attempts to establish a relationship with these people.

Thus, the fact of being defensive results in the fact that people who use this defensive mechanism use the rejecting behavior of their interlocutors to corroborate that the world and the people who inhabit it are not of legit In this way, they strengthen their defensive mechanism and distrust towards others.

What to do if I'm always defensive? It is important to learn to trust in life and in the human being. Fear is the fundamental reason that leads to creating this defensive armor and walking the path wielding shield and sword. The first step to get out of this dynamic is learn to trust yourself and surround yourself with an environment that transmits affection and protection. This will help you lay a new foundation on which to create life strategies that are much more constructive, positive and enriching.

If you want to stop being defensive, don't miss these recommendations:

• Recognize the physical signs of defensiveness: This type of reaction allows you to escape from a certain situation or fight against it. In other words, the body shows physical signals when entering a state of increasing tension and you have to learn to be aware of them.
• Breath deeply: To counteract the physical "fight or flight" reaction, try to calm the nervous system by breathing in a slow and controlled manner. Calm down before doing or saying anything.
• Do not interrupt: the fact of interrupting someone to question or criticize a passage of his speech indicates a defensive attitude. This attitude is useless and makes you appear insecure and stubborn.
• Ask if you can continue the conversation at another time.: If emotions are too strong to interact rationally, consider saying goodbye and asking your interlocutor to resume the discussion later.
• Find a way to overcome stress: When you are on the defensive, the body is under great stress. Calm down and try to relax and release tension. In this article you will find information about how to manage stress and anxiety.
• Banish the word "but": When you're defensive, you tend to start your sentences with "but" to prove others wrong. It is not a simple conjunction, but a mental barrier because it tells your interlocutor that you do not care about his or her opinions or that you do not intend to consider them.
• Ask your interlocutor to explain better: instead of getting nervous, ask him questions, ask him to be more precise about the opinion and criticism he offers you.
• Do not react by launching more criticism: if you learn to accept criticism from others You will develop a more reflective and open attitude, but you will also be able to acquire greater self-control.
• Don't take things personally: Try to give others the benefit of the doubt and don't consider criticism directed at you as personal attacks.
• listen to what others say: having empathy means being able to put yourself in another person's place and understand their state of mind and their feelings. However, to be able to do so, it is necessary to know how to listen.
• Avoid passing judgment: To connect with the person in front of you, you must temporarily put your opinions and judgments aside until you finish the interaction.
• Rephrase your interlocutor's speech: if you want to listen to another person and understand what he has to say, he participates actively, but with respect.
• Make your interlocutor understand that you heard him: Reiterate what they have said to you so that they realize that you have been able to listen, understand and appreciate the importance of what you have said to each other, even if the problem has not yet been resolved.

Of course, letting go of defensiveness is not an easy task. If you want to achieve it, you will have to work for it, but few rewards will be greater than learning to trust yourself and others.

This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What it means to be defensive and how to avoid it, we recommend that you enter our category of Emotions.