To set boundaries in relationships, it's important to communicate your needs and expectations clearly and respectfully, and set clear boundaries about what you're willing to accept or not. Human beings need to relate to others both biologically and psychologically to maintain our survival, physical well-being, and peace of mind. However, we must keep in mind that the relationships we build must be healthy. In this sense, one of the main ways to maintain a healthy relationship is to set certain limits.
Establishing limits in relationships can be a very complicated task, especially when it comes to establishing limits with our loved ones, friends, family or our partner because we are afraid of hurting them, creating a conflict or losing the relationship. In this Psychology-Online article we explain How to set boundaries in relationships.
Index
- What are boundaries in relationships?
- Identify what your limits are
- Communicate your limits clearly
- keep the limits
- Learn to say "no"
- Stay aware for warning signs
- practice assertiveness
- accept the consequences
- Take care of yourself
What are the limits in relationships.
The boundaries in relationships are the lines we draw with others to protect our integrity physical and emotional, our dignity, and our needs. Have you ever been asked to do something by someone and you accepted when you really didn't want to? How did you feel?
It is very important to learn to be honest with ourselves and with others to take care of our values. That is, to protect what is important to us, those who guide us to make decisions and act in consequence, but also to take care of ourselves and not suffer abusive or toxic behavior in our relations. Thus, we will avoid situations that are harmful to us, toxic behaviors and we will be able to surround ourselves with people who give us positive things.
Why is it important to set boundaries in relationships?
- To protect your emotional well-being: When we set limits in our relationships we are practicing self-care by communicating what makes us feel comfortable and what doesn't. In this way we prevent the other person from hurting us emotionally.
- To maintain mutual respect: Setting boundaries is also a way to show respect and love to others. When both parties establish limits and respect them, they are taking care of the needs and desires of the other person, fostering affective responsibility.
- Maintain balance in relationship: If one person has all the power and control in a relationship, in the end it will end up hurting both parties. Setting limits promotes a healthy balance.
- Set clear expectations: by setting limits we develop clear foundations on which to build the relationship. This helps to avoid confusion or misunderstandings and helps both parties know what to expect from the relationship.
- Avoid emotional dependency: If we do not establish limits in our relationships, we can fall into emotional dependency. In other words, we run the risk of depending on the other person to feel complete or happy, something that can be very detrimental to mental health.
For all these reasons, it is important to know how to communicate our limits adequately to the people with whom we maintain a relationship. For this reason, here are some tips to help you set boundaries in relationships.
1. Identify what your limits are.
Listen to your body and mind to be aware of how you feel when a person crosses your limits. Think about the situations that make you feel comfortable. and in situations that, on the contrary, make you feel uncomfortable in order to find out what your needs are.
These reflections can be on any subject, such as what type of relationship you would like to have with another person, the level of intimacy you are willing to offer, the time you would like to spend with someone or the things you are not willing to tolerate otherwise person.
On the other hand, if you have problems establishing your limits with your children, nephews or other infants, in the following article we will explain How to set limits for children.
2. Communicate your limits clearly.
When you have managed to identify your limits in the relationship, you should take action and communicate them clearly to the other person. Speak respectfully with him or her and explain the reasons why you need to set limits in your relationship.
Also, it is important listen to the needs and limits of the other person in order to build a healthy and honest relationship.
3. Keep the limits.
Having established your limits, it is essential that you stick to them. Thus, if the other person tries to cross a boundary, you must be firm in your decision and express why that limit is important for you. If the other person doesn't take your boundaries into consideration, that relationship may not be right for you.
In fact, when we let someone cross our boundaries once, they may probably cross our boundaries again in the future.
4. Learn to say "no"
It is important learn to say "no" to set limits, protect yourself and take care of your resources. Saying "no" helps you to be able to prioritize your goals and needs and avoid going through uncomfortable or stressful situations. Therefore, although saying "no" can be difficult when we want to please others or avoid conflict, it is certainly an essential skill to maintain a healthy balance in your life.
5. Stay aware for warning signs.
Being aware of the red flags in relationships helps us to identify behaviors or situations that can harm our well-being. Some warning signs include jealousy, controlling or possessiveness, physical or verbal abuse, handling, disrespect, lies, among others.
When we are attentive to these signals and detect them, we can protect ourselves from situations that could be harmful to us. In turn, they help us recognize problematic patterns in your relationships and make more informed decisions about whether to stay in a relationship or end it.
6. Practice assertiveness.
Being assertive is a social skill that allows us to express what we think and how we feel in a respectful way, without aggressiveness or passivity, speaking from our "I". Assertiveness is one of the keys to maintaining good communication, solving conflicts and expressing our limits clearly.
In the following article we explain How to have a healthy relationship.
7. Accept the consequences.
Setting limits in relationships can have certain consequences, including having to end the relationship. Although this can be a painful process, remember that you are the main responsible for your well-beingand happiness.
For this same reason, sometimes we need to say goodbye to harmful situations or people to continue Go ahead and leave space for other relationships to come into your life that can bring you what you need. If you need help with this maybe it will help you to read the article How to learn to let go of the past.
8. Take care of yourself.
Taking care of ourselves is essential to maintaining good emotional, physical and mental health. Self-care involves take into account our own needs to listen and satisfy them. Without a doubt, this factor is key to being able to set limits in our relationships.
In short, setting limits in relationships is essential to maintaining healthy relationships. If you have great difficulty setting limits, it might be beneficial to work with a therapist to improve your self-esteem and your communication skills.
Above all, remember that setting limits does not imply that the relationship should end, but that we are promoting balance and mutual respect. As we grow and evolve the limits can also do it and it is important to review them on a regular basis to ensure that they continue to be adequate to cover our needs.
This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.
If you want to read more articles similar to How to set boundaries in relationships, we recommend that you enter our category of Couple therapy.
Bibliography
- Riso, W. (2018). the limits of love (1st ed.). Planet.
