What is the wound of abandonment and its mask and how to heal it

  • May 27, 2023
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What is the wound of abandonment and how to heal it

The abandonment wound is that caused by a real or perceived abandonment by a child during his childhood. These wounds are usually caused by the relationship between the parents, or main caregivers, and the child, or because of some specific event.

The abandonment wound gives rise to the acquisition of defense mechanisms or masks to cope with day to day, despite the unpleasant life experience suffered. The consequences of the use of these masks are not very favorable for the integral development, so Addressing this problem will be a pending task for the people affected by this wound. emotional. In the following online Psychology article we will talk about what is abandonment wound, what is his mask and how to heal it. Discover how it originates, what defense and behavioral mechanisms it creates in people and how to overcome it.

The mask to which the so-called "abandonment wound" gives rise is one that protects the person who has suffered real or subjective abandonment, that is, when the same individual perceives himself abandoned without there being an objective and real abandonment.

Faced with the deep pain caused by the feeling of having been abandoned, the person in question clings to a series of mechanisms or masks whose main function is to keep safe from possible future abandonments. This emotional protection is created to avoid, as far as possible, reliving the pain suffered after the abandonment experience.

The origin of the abandonment wound is usually childhood experiences. Either due to actual parental neglect or due to subjective experiences lived in childhood, such as the birth of a sibling or the start of kindergarten, the feeling of abandonment is printed inside the person.

Through these experiences, the person feels that he stops receiving what he needs affectively for his correct psychological and emotional development. This feeling of not being cared for it is internally and unconsciously interpreted as an abandonment by their parents.

To experience the feeling of abandonment, the experiences lived must occur several times and/or present a high intensity. Depending on the severity of the subjective experience, more or less strong defense and survival mechanisms are activated. Thus, the negative consequences on emotional psychological development will be greater or less depending on what you have experienced.

For example, the experiences of parental neglect real and those in which the parents are not aware of the pain experienced by their child and, therefore, they do not correct the situation, they are the ones that have the worst psychological consequences for the person.

What is the wound of abandonment and how to heal it - How the wound of abandonment is produced

People affected by the wound of abandonment tend to behave in two very different ways, although deep down there is the same fear of being abandoned again. For this reason, people with an abandonment injury use similar defense mechanisms. We see them below:

Emotional dependence

people who, faced with the pain suffered by the wound of abandonment, become emotionally dependent on other people and they do their best not to be alone, since that generates great anxiety by reminding them of the abandonment experience. They direct all their forces to do everything possible to be accompanied at all times. These types of people end up being, deep down, hyper vigilant and controlling and unconsciously manipulating the people around them.

In the event that they suffer a possible experience of abandonment, or simply some significant person makes a small distancing, they can arise in them panic reactions and emotional blocking, or of excessive anger and resentment towards the person in question. If it happens to you, in this article you will see how to overcome emotional dependency with your partner.

Difficulties establishing healthy interpersonal relationships

There are people with wounds from abandonment who have resigned themselves to not deserving attention and take refuge in an invisible bubble that protects them from the world. In this case, they prefer not to be taken into account and abandoned. They tend to be lonely, mistrustful, fearful people and, for all of this, have great difficulties in establishing healthy interpersonal relationships.

People with this type of abandonment wound tend to become self-sufficient, so as not to depend on anyone, and their few relationships with other people are no more than practical and superficial relationships. Although loneliness weighs heavily on them deep down in their souls, it becomes their best ally.

When, on occasion, they establish a relationship that is going well, they can become excited about the possibility of finally being able to establish a good relationship with someone. Even so, when this happens, they become dependent, vigilant and controlling so as not to lose the person they have. However, as in the self-fulfilling prophecy, are quickly disappointed and return to their bubble at focus your attention on the negative and, finally, cloud the good relationship.

Like the healing of any emotional and/or psychological wound, healing the wound of abandonment it takes a long process in which it is essential to be patient and stay on the path, despite the battles that may arise. If you want to heal the wound of abandonment, follow these steps:

  1. become aware: the most advisable thing to heal the wound of abandonment and its mask is to start a work process of self-knowledge and introspection that allows you to become aware of the existence of said wound in your inside. Analyze how the defense mechanisms created are limiting and conditioning the positive development of your life. The therapeutic process is advisable because, in this way, the path is walked in company and properly redirected in case of fainting, denial, flight reaction or avoidance.
  2. Locate the origin: after becoming aware of how the creation of the abandonment wound has negatively conditioned your life, it will be necessary to address the primary situations that gave rise to the origin of said wound. This stage is hard, since it means coming face to face with the painful situation of abandonment.
  3. Carry out a process of cognitive restructuring: after locating the origins of the wound, a work of cognitive restructuring to replace the internally accepted irrational beliefs, as my parents did not love me because I am worthless, no one will ever love me, no I am worth nothing, for new, positive and more real ideas about oneself based on one's own abilities, vital achievements and desires interiors.
  4. Practice relaxation and self-care techniques: provide a new vision that will erase the negative image sustained on the old wound of abandonment. With this, the wound will disappear.
What is the wound of abandonment and how to heal it - How to heal the wound of abandonment

This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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