Do toxic relationships always come back?

Toxic relationships are those affective ties that generate intense emotional pain and a dependency that can extend to unimaginable limits. In general terms, in this type of relationship, extremely harmful patterns of behavior in which exacerbated suffering persists is prevalent. This modality occurs especially in relationships that become violent, abusive and controlling. Despite the fact that the most indicated in these cases is to definitively break ties with someone toxic, some people decide to resume these ties that do not generate any well-being, believing that they can improve.

In this Psychology-Online article we will explain if toxic relationships always come back.

Index

1. Why toxic relationships always come back
2. What to do when you get back into a toxic relationship
3. How to avoid returning to a toxic relationship

While toxic relationships don't always come back, and some people manage to walk away and seek a healthier, more happy, there are some factors that can influence when deciding to resume an affective bond with someone who has caused you a damage. Next, we will explain why toxic relationships always come back:

• traumatic experiences: Some people are exposed to situations of family violence during their childhood that are naturalized, such as physical abuse, controlling attitudes, impulsiveness, verbal humiliation, among others. These traumatic situations will be incorporated as behavior patterns during adulthood.
• pleasure in pain: Many human beings have a tendency to idealize situations that are painful as a defense mechanism. This produces an illusion that the other person can change her way of being, even though there is sufficient evidence of the damage it causes. In this way, an unconscious pleasure to suffer arises.
• Emotional dependence: Emotional dependence can lead to constantly looking for someone who causes great discomfort. On many occasions, the return of a toxic relationship is associated with the anguish of facing loneliness.
• control attitudes: In general, toxic relationships are made up of one person who fulfills a submissive role and another who controls. The need to keep the person under control supposes an attitude of domination over the actions, emotions and behaviors that emerge.
• Fear of change: Distancing yourself from a toxic relationship is not an easy task, since it involves many changes in life. However, this can lead to a difficulty in adapting to new situations that are intolerable.

In this article we explain How to know if it's love or dependency.

Although the best thing to do in this type of situation is to avoid returning to a toxic relationship, on some occasions it may be unavoidable. However, there are some alternatives that make it possible to get out of them. In this section, we will tell you what to do when you return to a toxic relationship:

• Accept that the person will not change: Taking this idea as a starting point is essential to avoid any action that negatively influences the decision to be made. Given this, knowing that there will be no change in personality helps not to fall into false expectations.
• See a mental health professional: sometimes, toxic relationships produce ideas that are not consistent with reality. In this sense, it is preferable to carry out a psychological therapy that invites you to reflect on the virtues and defects that are put into play when dealing with a couple bond.
• Seek emotional support: In this type of relationship, it is common for social isolation to occur in order to stay with that person who causes harm. The social and family environment can help to contemplate situations that occur from another perspective, as well as to be a support in adversity.

In the following article you will find information about the Consequences of a toxic relationship.

Getting out of a toxic bond is complex and painful, but it is worth doing it to live with greater peace of mind. However, one of the most important challenges is to avoid a return to this modality. For this reason, we will talk about some tips to avoid it:

• Prioritize your own strengths over your shortcomings: personal assessment is important since toxic relationships emphasize constant belittlement. Self-knowledge implies knowing about what causes suffering in order to avoid it.
• Learn from past situations: Faced with the attempt to return to a harmful bond, it is crucial to take into account the experiences that occurred in the past in order to learn from them. In this sense, questioning the actions that happened helps to maintain a prudent distance.
• Reflect on healthy relationships: In contrast to toxic relationships, an alternative lies in thinking about the qualities that people can present healthy bonds, since this allows us to understand what is sought in future couple ties.

This article is merely informative, at Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

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• Venegas Cerda, D. (2021). Toxic relationships, victims and perpetrators: gender and power differentials in the construction of narratives of violence in young couples. Pontifical Catholic University of Chile. Faculty of Social Sciences, Institute of Sociology.