What are FOUND FEELINGS and how to deal with them

  • Jul 26, 2021
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What are mixed feelings and how to deal with them

A boy might want to eat sweets, but afraid of getting fat; a smoker has the desire to light a cigarette, followed at the same time by the knowledge that smoking is bad. The situations that can give rise to contradictory feelings are numerous; phases in which the coexistence of positive and negative emotions, directed simultaneously to the same object, can determine an emotional ambivalence, that is, make us experience, at the same time, love and hate. It is a common experience given the complexity of the society we live in, which helps shape our ambivalent relationships. With this article on Psychology-Online we are going to try to explain what are mixed feelings and how to deal with them.

You may also like: Difference between emotion and feeling in psychology

Index

  1. Why do we have mixed feelings
  2. What does it mean to have mixed feelings
  3. How to deal with mixed feelings

Why do we have mixed feelings.

To put it in the words of K. Lewin, it may happen that two psychic forces of roughly equal intensity that are present simultaneously in a subject do not refer to two different situations (or activities, or objects, or people), but the same situation, which assumes in their eyes, in some aspects, an assessment positive, and in others, a negative: a double valence, as indicated by the term "ambivalence", used to indicate this specific type of conflict.

The most widespread forms of affective ambivalence they manifest as love and hatred towards the loved one and favorite activities, as well as necessity contemporary era of building and destroying, of engaging and eluding the various companies of the lifetime. Affective ambivalence can only be schematically reduced to a coexistence or rapid alternation of love and hate, but in reality it is made up of a whole range of feelings and attitudes:

  • On the one hand there are positive affects towards the object as care, concern, admiration, pride, pleasure, tenderness, sweetness, affection, etc .;
  • On the other hand, negative affects such as carelessness, contempt, resentment, anger, wickedness, the desire for revenge and to inflict pain.

What it means to have mixed feelings.

Therefore, if we want to interpret and understand the opposite and interdependent feelings that are felt, we must refer to the concept of ambivalence. Dictionaries define affective ambivalence as the "coexistence in a person of emotional attitudes of love and hate or other opposing feelings directed at the same object or situation". This coexistence paradox, in addition to not being cooperative, is strongly conflictive because, as Freud wrote (1926), who is subject to it "experiences a well-founded love and a not so justified hatred towards oneself person".

The concept of ambivalence was first used by E. Bleuler (1910) to indicate those situations of psychic life in which opposite feelings and of equal strength coexist without being able to make a choice between ones and others. The concept is used not only to examine pathological situations, but also to account for a large number of aspects of "normal" psychological life. Indeed, a large part of psychic experiences are not only characterized by conflicting demands, none of which can prevail over the others, if not at the price of serious losses.

How to deal with mixed feelings.

Living in a strong condition of ambivalence can lead to frustration, confusion, uncertainty and indecision, until the moment of anguish, spiced by terrible regrets and feelings of guilt. In these dramatic conditions, whoever is afflicted by it unconsciously runs away from ambivalent emotion in the only possible way: by repressing the negative part of it.

An example is the couple relationship: love is the most beautiful feeling that exists, a true launching pad for happiness; However, how many boyfriends, spouses, partners, friends live a deep emotional conflict condition without being able to get out of it for fear of suffering and / or making the other suffer? A certain degree of ambivalence, as we have seen, is normal, and it is also normal in love; but it becomes pathological if its persistence comes to condition the expression of the relationship.

  • To get out of this confusing and paralyzing situation, it is important stop and analyze everything lucidly to understand which is the path to choose and regain serenity. The best way to manage ambivalence is, in fact, to observe, know and understand it.
  • Must accept doubts, fears, negative feelings that occasionally arise without dramatizing or taking them as the ultimate truth about the relationship but only as an indication of how we feel with our partner at any given moment. Emotions are by nature changeable, they come and go, but they can be a valuable help if we can decipher their message.
  • Sometimes, however, introspection may not be enough, especially when it comes to solving a problem of ingrained ambivalence; in cases like this, the psychotherapy.

Another example is that of pregnancy, which is presented as a time of transitional crisis where conflicts arise between new life and life. past, the social and labor role achieved and what will unfold, amid joys and fears, in which the protagonists of mental life are multiple. Indeed, any pregnancy, although highly desired and with an uncomplicated course, can arouse contradictory feelings. Planning to have a child, imagining what role it will play and what changes it will bring in our lives are important moments: the "child imaginary "contains aspects of wishes, fears, fantasies, fears, expectations and precedes and facilitates the encounter with the child real. The child already seen, thought, imagined with the eyes of fantasy, pre-established, helps the mother to immerse herself in the role and to "pre-know" the child, welcoming him within herself. In this article we talk in depth about wanting or not wanting to be a mother.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to What are mixed feelings and how to deal with them, we recommend that you enter our category of Emotions.

Bibliography

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  • Delle Luche, R., Bertacca, S. (2007). L’ambivalenza and l’ambiguità nelle rotture affettive. Milan: Franco Angeli.
  • Gani, M. (2014). Viaggio nelle emozioni. Impara to riconoscere, affrontare and controllare your emotions per vivere in equilibrium with you stesso and with gli altri. Rome: Bruno Editore.
  • Petter, G. (1999). Adolescent Psychology and School. Aspetti psicologici dell’insegnamento secondario. Florence: Giunti.
  • Tabboni, S. (2006). I stranger it and l’altro. Naples: Liguori Editore.
  • Zanon, A. (2017). Voglio stare con te, non voglio stare con te: l’ambivalenza nelle relazioni. Recovered from: http://www.ilmiopsicologo.it/2017/08/12/voglio-stare-con-te-non-voglio-stare-con-te-lambivalenza-nelle-relazioni/
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