How to START a CONVERSATION with a person you like

Many people are afraid to start a conversation because they don't want to feel embarrassed; social anxiety returns and they fear being judged and rejected. People don't want to say anything offensive or embarrassing, so they "feel safe" and don't say anything; this is not a good approach, because it is just an excuse not to get over the fear of speaking. Avoiding fighting this fear means missing out on many exciting opportunities to meet other people, form new relationships, and improve their lives in many ways. In this Psychology-Online article we will see how you can start a conversation with a person you like. If you don't know how to start a conversation with someone you don't know, whether in person or by chat, like WhatsApp, Instagram or Tinder, keep reading.

Index

1. Tips for starting a conversation
2. 3 experiments to break the ice and start talking to someone
3. How to keep the conversation interesting

How do you start talking to someone? Whether you don't know him yet, or if you're embarrassed because you like him, you can apply the following tips to start a conversation:

1. Show interest in the conversation of the person next to you. People love to talk, and even more they like to find someone willing to listen to them.
2. There are no yes / no questions. Ask your questions to start a conversation, questions that can be answered with a yes or a no bring communication to a standstill. To avoid completely! In this article you will find more than 100 questions to meet someone you like.
3. Let the person you are talking to teach you something. If the topic of conversation is dark to you, don't pretend, in most cases the person you are talking to will be more than happy to teach you something.
4. Share your own anecdotes. Sharing past experiences serves to create a bond with people and can be very useful to break the ice before a conference in which you are the presenter.
5. Practice with anyone you know. You have to cultivate the art of conversation, practicing will help you to be more sure of yourself and not to be speechless the next time.
6. Observe, learn and imitate. We all have that friend who is able to charm anyone with his speaking skills. Listen to him, treasure his teachings, the questions he asks and do not hesitate to put them into practice the first time.
7. Tell something that just happened to you. Little unimportant anecdotes, like the bad coffee you had in the bar next door or the bus you missed for a moment's delay, they can be a good starting point to start the conversation with who you just know.
8. Be honest. There is nothing wrong with saying that you don't like to talk about trivia and that you want to talk about "bigger things." Most likely, your interlocutor will be relieved by this statement. To do this, however, prepare some interesting and "big" questions that promote trust between you, like "What scared you today?" or "Are you happy with your lifestyle current?".
9. Talk about your mistakes and bad experiences. People who never make mistakes intimidate and do not sympathize with anyone, they also talk about your failures.
10. The other person is like you. Lastly, the most important conversation starter tip of all: Remember that other people around you are just as impressed as you are most of the time. You are not alone in this!

Now we know how to start and talk a chat or in person conversation, but how do we overcome embarrassment to begin with? Many people have a hard time breaking the ice with strangers and this condition can sometimes generate impotence, frustration, in some cases to confine the person in a prison of loneliness. The reasons for this closure can be very varied, and often a psychotherapeutic pathway can be a good context in which useful social competencies can be promoted to dissolve in the report. However, here are three experiments that may be useful to those who find it difficult to get closer to people, able to move some situations:

1. The game of three looks and a smile. When you are in a public place and there is someone you like, but you are afraid to approach because you fear rejection, you can stare at that person until he notices you. If the look is reciprocated, flee with the eyes. Repeat this gaze dance twice more, but on the third, instead of looking away, you end up with a nice smile. Everything here: a simple and minimally invasive exercise that certainly does not work to conquer the people (this is not the intention) but to become familiar with some underlying dynamics of the courtship and start to overcome shyness.
2. Collect 3 NO per day. It may seem a bit paradoxical as an experiment, because it is precisely about going out to meet the fear that torments us, but doing it voluntarily and with method could reveal interesting prospects. Basically, the experiment consists of stopping someone (at first maybe people you know a little, later unknown people) and start a conversation with him in order to bring home 3 "NOT". To begin with, they are also worth trivial questions like: "Do you know what time it is?" "Which way should I take to get to the station?" and so on. As you gain confidence with these short questions, you need to move on to more structured conversations. This exercise can be a good way to break the ice and at the same time something that allows us to anyway Start a conversation with whom we fear.
3. Face what you fear. You need to focus on what is blocking you, and gradually you start to face it, deliberately seeking it out. If it is the judgment of others that scares you, build daily situations that make you feel judged. If it's embarrassment, look for cases where you have to put up with your poison. Do not overdo the dose at first, otherwise it will be lethal.

Trying these experiments shouldn't take too much effort and will allow you gradually move out of the comfort zone. On the other hand, the only way to get different results is by doing different things.

Once we have lost our shame and started a conversation, either in person or on Instagram, Tinder or WhatsApp, it may end quickly. How do you keep the conversation going? The person who started the conversation is responsible for its success, and that person is expected to do everything possible to keep it alive. This is a difficult matter, especially in the case of two strangers. Fortunately, there are many ways to keep talking without losing the conversation effectiveness. Let's see some tips and interesting topics to talk with a girl or a boy you like:

• Continue with related questions. The phrases used to break the ice can also serve to continue a conversation, and are often accompanied by questions that can make it more interesting. For example, you might say, "I couldn't help but notice that you always wear nice clothes," and then ask, "where do you buy them?" or "what is your favorite store?" In this way the conversation is continued after a simple phrase used to break the ice.
• Another effective way to keep the conversation going is move smoothly from the first topic to another. For example, if you start talking about a vacation abroad, then you can talk about the traditional foods that are tasted in different places, thus moving from trips to food in a way natural. During the conversation it is important to be able to introduce new topics to prevent the interlocutor from getting bored.
• Leave space for you to express yourself and listen. So that the other person does not leave the conversation, she is allowed to speak: the more she speaks, the more she will feel involved in the conversation. For this, open questions can be asked, which never foresee a simple yes or no as an answer, and leave the interlocutor the freedom to give much or little information about himself. If you use these questions well, a stranger can become an acquaintance.
• The deepening questions They are also important for conversation, as they show a genuine interest in what that person is saying, and offer you the opportunity to give more information about themselves. This makes it easier to find common interests and interesting conversation topics for both of you.

This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.

If you want to read more articles similar to How to start a conversation with a person you like, we recommend that you enter our category of Social psychology.

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